I have a special world in which I live in. I didn’t know that it was so unique until my dear husband pointed it out to me. I will say something – or do something and think everyone says or does this – and he will say to me, “that only happens in “Cindy Land”. Does everyone have a land such as mine? I’d like to think so. However – the problem is: no two lands are exactly alike. No two people think exactly alike.
Here’s what mine looks like:
Everyone is kind
Everyone is peaceful
Everyone had good manners
Everyone has my best interest at heart
Everyone loves me unconditionally (no matter what)
No one is nasty
No one is jealous
No mistake is beyond repair
Every problem has a resolution
No one thinks bad about me
I’m free to express who I am – and others can too – with no judgement
God forgives and so do others
Everyone has “my back”
Where I openly “trust” others and they “trust” me
No one would betray my trust
To this – Greg just laughs and says, “That’s “Cindy Land”. Now OF COURSE I know that isn’t true – that’s not how life is – I’m not a child for goodness sake – but I would like to think that I kept some of my “child like” innocence and naivety. Where everyone loves everyone and everyone gets along without bickering, blaming and past hurt. Where one can have “pure” motives for loving others – and caring and loving them makes everyone better people. But I know now after living this long – that no matter how much I want something in “my world” – I cannot make it so.
Greg has a “Greg World” too. His looks much like mine – but he’s way more practical than I am – when it comes to emotion. He’s a first born so he plays things pretty close to the vest. His would look something like this:
Everyone is nice to one another
Everyone has a strong work ethic
No one is moody
The moody people live on a special “island” – and only visit “Greg Land” when they are done being “moody”
Everyone has “his back”
Everyone loves unconditionally
No one has an ulterior motive 0r hidden agenda
Everyone leaves something cleaner than when they found it
He has a certain place for “emotion” too. It’s in a special “drawer” and he only pulls it out when he has too. Most men are like this. It’s painful sometimes to open that drawer – so they don’t. Oh he can remember things from the past – but not like I can.
I am emotionally driven – being female. It enters into every aspect of my life. And an emotional trauma can leave me reeling for a very long time. I can still remember something traumatic that happened to me 30 years ago – a “matter of the heart” so to speak. And this morning while eating breakfast with Greg – we were discussing “Cindy World” and how my emotions are very close to the surface in times of hurt, happiness and love. I still cry at things that happened 9 months ago – any loss is a very real grief to me. Greg would never be able to conjure up that emotion or feeling – at least not in real tears like me. I cry often. That’s who I am.
But even though my “land” is different from his – and he may not fully understand how deeply things affect me – he is very kind and thoughtful – giving me freedom to express them without judgement or any hint of amusement. He truly believes that all these emotions – such as they are – make me what I am. And he loves that about me.
Greg leads with his head – I lead with my heart. I am learning to lead with my head too – as I know that the emotions can be fickle – oh they seem real – and they ARE. But sometimes not the best. We need to make choices with our head – and then the heart will follow – even in “Cindy Land”. God gave us men in our world to help us establish the difference between “head and heart” – and though one may seem to be very strong and RIGHT – over time we come to discover that it is the head that MUST rule the heart.
I’ll put out the foot bridge for you – come on over to “Cindy Land” – I’d love to get to know you – and show you around. It’s a happy, safe place – and you are loved.