Musings From A Musical Mind

My Fear Button

It’s not world events

It’s not finances – although we all have our concerns about them

It’s not that I have an 18 year old son still living here

It’s not my busy schedule with my Music Studio

It’s not the upcoming Recital

It’s not the theater production of “Ella Enchanted” coming in January


None of these

It’s an unseen phantom

That usually comes under cover of darkness

I fear it

I do anything to avoid it

I prepare for it

Sometimes it comes

Sometimes it leaves me alone

It is called


I started getting these headaches in College.  The traditional ones where there is a strange fuzzy thing that moves across your vision and makes it hard to focus on anything for about 30 minutes – then WHAMMO – the pain hits in the temple.  Not fun.  Once I was done with the stress of College – they went away for a season.

When we lived in Vero Beach Florida – years later I had them again.  I will never forget being in a fetal position on my bed – Greg was gone with the youth all day somewhere (Awwww the great days of being youth pastor’s) and 6 year old Ashlee and 2 year old Shawn were with me at home.  It must have been a bad one because I will NEVER forget Ashlee praying for me and yelling out – as only a 6 year old can do – with PASSION – “Dear JESUS!!!!!  Please heal Mommy!!!!”  It was so cute.  I did recover and a dear friend from our church suggested that I should come into the Chiropractor’s Office where she worked as a massage therapist – to get one of her AWESOME massages.  They really helped – I started going once a week – she never charged me – she always had me come after the office was closed – that was her gift to me because she loved me – I will never forget her kindness to me.

Sometime within the next month or so – we had a visiting Evangelist come to our church where we were serving on staff.  I came forward for prayer – and was instantly healed.  I didn’t have another one of those demonic episodes for years.  In fact – it was not until about a year and a half ago – due to all sorts of hormonal and chemical changes in my body that I once again began to experience them.  And in FULL FORCE this time.  I realize that what I had before were pretty wimpy compared to what I get now.

It usually starts in the middle of the night for me.  By the time I am conscious, it has it’s ugly grip on me – and won’t let go.  And everyone knows that if you don’t catch them when they first start – just FORGET IT – nothing you do will help.  I learned this the hard way.

The first one like this happened before I knew what was happening to me.  I knew I was in pain – but I had NEVER had anything like this – no warning – nothing.  There are many “triggers” for migraines – none of which seems to be consistent with me – it figures.  Nope – it just happens whenever it wants and leaves me completely helpless.  We tried ice – we tried pills – we called a nurse – actually Greg did – I was in a fetal position just trying to DEAL with the throbbing, hideous pain in my head – they make me light sensitive and I am VERY dizzy too – so in bed I stay – until…Oh yes – that kind of BLINDING pain make me vomit too.  It’s lovely.  Not just once – but many times.   Greg was so concerned about this – he called the doctor the first time this happened and she told him to bring me in for a shot to stop the vomiting.  Well that would have been lovely if it would have worked – but by this time the migraine was too far along for any shot to work.  No – you just have to let the nasty thing have its way with you – it takes a whole day – UNLESS you catch it early.

But like a good husband – he practically had to carry me to the car – complete with a bucket on my lap – because – “you never know” right?  As it turned out I found out something about myself on those car trips with a migraine and a bucket on my lap – you just DON’T CARE who sees you – vomiting in public seems to be the only recourse and it is all you can do to keep it together long enough to just get there!  Every stop light – with cars all around us – I would be “up chucking” and my poor embarrassed husband would patiently wait for the light to turn.  I don’t get embarrassed anymore.  I’ve had two children.  Natural.  Enough said.

Well the shot didn’t work – too little too late – had to go home – complete with vomiting all the way home – to sleep it off – many hours later I could walk around and eat again.  I wish that was the end of the story – but it is not.

You would think we had learned our lesson the first time going to the doctor – WELL into the migraine – but we DID NOT.  Again Greg was concerned to see me in that much pain – and doing so much vomiting – that away we went again to the doctor for a shot.  This migraine was much worse and more progressive – and I remember not even wanting to get up and into the car – knowing I would be vomiting all the way there again.  But go I did.  Not only was there vomiting in the car – again at every stop light – but when we got to the doctor’s office – they put me in a dark exam room and left us there for about 30 minutes – the damage was HUGE.  I vomited into the little tiny sink in the exam room – then when I felt safe to walk down the hall – had to find the bathroom too.  It was not pretty.  The shot didn’t help.  NO surprise.

I have found that a drug called Treximet is the ONLY thing that will help my bad ones – and if I feel one coming on – then that is what I take.  I recently acquired some wonderful samples of this drug – as they are VERY expensive and we don’t have prescription drug coverage any more with our new insurance.  When the pain isn’t a full blown migraine – I can get by with about 4 extra strength tylenol and 2 Aleve – if I catch it early.

The good news is this:  I haven’t had a bad one for almost a year now – I’m not sure what triggers mine – so that makes life very interesting – and I do live in a constant state of “fear” that one will strike – at a most interesting and unwelcome time.  I was so thankful that on Ashlee’s wedding day – I DID NOT have one – that was a big fear of mine for more than a year.  And I always have to deal with the “what if I get one” for performances – recitals etc.  But so far so good – I am armed and prepared for even the worst of them.

Well Brittney is here to give me a massage – and I am smiling at the thought 🙂

Here’s wishing that you have a headache free day!

God Bless


Comments on: "My Fear Button" (11)

  1. I’ve put you on my blogroll too Lilly!:)

  2. So sorry to hear of this fear that lingers in the background…wish I knew of a recipe that would take migraines away. I would make it for you! Although I once heard that eating and smelling a green granny smith apple is a homeopathic aide in relieving headaches.

    Thanks for following my home journal…you are a doll…and thanks for the Blog roll. Blog Roll…that sounds like a pastry!…hahah!

    Blessings to you and I am so thankful for our friendship!!!

    Love, Lilly

    • Thanks Lilly – I’m grateful for your friendship too – no matter how many years it’s been or how many miles separate us – our friendship is still the same. I’m sure your granny smith apple dessert WOULD cure my headaches when I have them!! You’re a doll and a very talented friend and I hope you will have many more followers as a result of me running your blog on the right hand side of my page here – many yummy recipes EVERY DAY!!!

  3. Oh Cindy, I so understand what you’re saying; I used to have migraines when I was in my twenties! And boy they hurt like heck.:(
    I’m praying for you that they won’t return.

  4. debi verwers said:

    I have to watch out for migrains as well, nothing like I use to have though. I use to vomit as well, not be able to see, have to have the room dark….Chiropractic care really helped me. My Atlas would not stay stable. I also found a water filled pillow helped a great deal. When my head hurts from a headache or from my Chiari Malformation I just lay down for a while and it truly helps. Of course I use a lot of ice and have a “brain” relaxer to take that helps with the Chiari.

    If your interested in a water pillow I know a Chiro that you can get one from for about $50.00.

  5. Hi Cindy,
    How terrible. I am not a migraine sufferer and only get headaches when I’m pregnant or have been in too much sun, but that little, tiny pain gives me sympathy for anyone who deals with more.

    I recently learned of ‘cluster’ headaches. I only mention it because maybe it is something that has been overlooked by a doctor. The people who suffer from them have found that straight oxygen helps to lessen the duration of the headaches even though it does not take away the pain. I don’t know if any of this would apply to you, but thought I’d share it just in case.

    I’m so glad God gave you relief through the years of raising your children!

    • Thanks for your comment and suggestion Jennifer! I will relay that information to my doctor – hopefully I won’t have to deal with a bad one any time soon 🙂

  6. Oh I get headaches too but migraines are the worst I hear! Praying for you.

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