Musings From A Musical Mind

The Something Box

I have decided that if Men can have a ‘nothing box’ then women should be allowed a ‘something box’.  It seems fair and right.  Oh I know a couple of my good guys friends are going to take issue with this – including my husband – because it is a well know fact that men are the only ones allowed a ‘box’.

But I want my readers to know that I am not in the least bit competitive by nature.  I even let people pass and cut in front of me on the freeway.  To me it is NOT a race and some crazy status symbol to be ‘King of the Road’.  I simply don’t care who gets ahead of me on the road – or even gets there before I do.  I have far too many other things pressing – and that seems very trivial to me.  So you can trust me when I say that my ‘something box’ was not just created to prove something to all the men in my life.  It is as real as your sorry little ‘nothing box’.  Only better.  Much better.

Now the ‘nothing box’ is undisputed as well – and anyone who is married to a man – or has a son – or both – knows what I am referring to.  It’s that blank look on their face when you are talking to them.  It can be in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden – they just ‘check out’.  Unbelievable.  I don’t think I would have believed it if I had not witnessed it hundreds of times over the years.  There is no one like a man that can do this with such skill and precision.  It’s a thing of beauty, really.

We have an eighteen year old son that still lives at home.  At least he sleeps here sometimes – Okay he drives MY car and EATS here.  That about sums it up.  He will come home from work, school or basketball practice and can be looking right at me – eye ball to eye ball – and I will feel like he’s totally engaged in my conversation – I mean he looks like he is – UNTIL – that blank look that only guys have – comes across his countenance and I KNOW he’s gone to the ‘box’.  I will say, “Shawn, did you hear ANYTHING I said”?  And it will take him a long time to put the words together and figure out that I was actually asking  him a question.  And then it will be “Uhhh – were you talking to me”?  I mean come on.  He was looking RIGHT at me!!!  The ‘nothing box’.

My husband does this too – but he has more skill.  He’s been married to me for 28 years now and knows how to play the game a little better – at least he fakes it.  We will be talking – again – eye ball to eye ball – and he will seem engaged in what I’m saying – and believe me, we have talked HOURS and HOURS in the last year – and then it happens.  I see the signs.  He can’t fool me.  It used to be something I called the ‘lizard blink’ which said, “I’m so tired – when is she going to shut up??”  But ever since our children (much smaller than they are now) caught on to the ‘lizard blink’ they teased their father unmercifully – and he learned NOT to do it anymore.  It meant that he was NOT listening anymore to them either!!

No – he has tried to be clever and conceal his going prematurely to his ‘nothing box’ – and now does something with his mouth.  I can’t explain it – I’ve tried to mimic it – and I’ve even tried to show him what he does – and he FLATLY refuses that he’s doing it!!  What ever am I to do with these guys?  I’m surrounded by testosterone and it’s not pretty sometimes.  No one has perfected the “look” quite like my dear husband.  He does LOVE his ‘box’.

So I have a ‘something box’.  I cannot have a ‘nothing box’ because as soon as I would go to it – I would decorate it – and then it would cease to be ‘nothing’.  No – it’s better that I have a ‘something box’.  I can decorate it any way I like – bring anybody in to visit – knock ideas and thoughts around – play music – write blogs – compose music – plan my day – etc. etc.

The other night I couldn’t sleep.  I was moving around a lot – had a lot on my mind and my mind simply would NOT stop!!!  I scooted over to my sleepy husband who NEVER has trouble sleeping and told him I couldn’t sleep.  He patted me on the head and told me to go to my ‘nothing box’ which he happily lives in.  I explained to him that I don’t HAVE a ‘nothing box’ – everything means something and is connected to something else – well it’s just impossible, that’s all.  So I started thinking about my ‘something box’ instead – and it worked.  I went there and was very contented doing all the things that I needed to do.

You could say that instead of whispering sweet ‘nothings’ in my husband’s ears – I whisper, ‘something’ –  it seems to work.  ☺☺☺

Have a great day!

God Bless

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Comments on: "The Something Box" (9)

  1. […] have a ‘Something Box’ – decorated anyway we want – and we can invite anyone into it to have deep meaningful […]

  2. I love the “Men’s brains vs Women’s brains” video! It is so right on! The problem with us men is that we have a word quota. We can only process so many words an hour. When our word quota is filled, we shut down to process. We can only do this in our “Nothing Box”. Meanwhile, the fairer sex, just continues to pour in more words. But we have no place to put them! We’re full! For self-protection and our own sanity, we dive into our “Nothing Box” and nod and smile.

    This is why I constantly tell my dw, “Facts. Just give me the facts, ma’am.” She always wants to give me the whole story surrounding the facts, like that peripheral information is supposed to be important? Why obfuscate reality with all the with all those details?

    For my part, I have to quickly determine if 1) there is a decision she is wanting me to make or help her make; 2) there is information in all this that is going to be important to me in the future; or, 3) she just needs someone as a sounding board to talk to because her work with her middle school students has left her verbal needs unmet for the day (in which case, I go to my “Nothing Box” and nod and smile). Mind you this is all very hard work…and risky I might add!

    Mind you, it takes discipline and a highly trained mind to be able to suddenly rewind and answer questions to things you have not been paying attention to while in the “Nothing Box”. Years of practice go into this ability. Unfortunately, a number of the married male sex have failed to master this and have been living with the consequences. Those of us who have, just look at them and sadly nod our heads to each other. After all, that could be us.

    • I must admit – I was waiting for one of my good guy friends to comment on this – it was a great explanation, Ron – and you’re very right – it’s a place where all Men go to “escape”. Women just don’t have that!!! Not Fair!! But this is the wonder an mystery between Men and Women – the old “Can’t live with her – can’t live without her” really applies!!

  3. That’s it!!! man you’re smart ” a Nothing Box” all these years I wanted to name it something… My better half has that “Something Box” down too and it usually has SOMETHING for me to do… 🙂

    • Thanks GC!! There’s a really funny video that I posted on my blog several weeks ago “Men’s brains vs Women’s brains” it’s on Youtube – it’s hilarious – look it up!!

  4. Yes! A something box!! I’d decorate it and fill it with purple things!

  5. I do this all the time, and yes, my wife hates it. She hasn’t given it a name though. Over the years I’ve gotten better at being able to rewind the audio in my head so that when I space out and she asks me a question I can go back through it and come up with an answer. Mostly I try and remember the keywords – things like hair appointment, and doctor’s office, or people’s names. Then I can say something generic like, “so what did – insert name – say to you again?” or “when is the doctor’s appointment?” or “you better tell me that again so I can write it down, or I might forget it.”

    To be fair, don’t women space out? I mean, life isn’t fun if you can’t space out occasionally. Give us a break. Not everything you say is hyper important, right? (note that I do know better than to ask my wife this question, because for her the answer would be, of course everything is hyper important, otherwise she wouldn’t say it).

    • You are HILARIOUS!!! This truly made my day!! To answer your question – Don’t women space out? – Well…..maybe – but since we can multi-task – even when we space out – we can still be “in the game” and know everything that’s being said and done – Our “Something Box” is flexible like that!! And no – you’re right – don’t ask your wife about this – everything IS IMPORTANT to her!!!

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