Musings From A Musical Mind

My husband Greg is a Pastor – a Celebrant – or Minister.  Whatever title you choose to give him – he’s ordained with the Assemblies of God and does Weddings and Funeral services full time for a living.

The following excerpt is taken from a wedding that he performed yesterday:

Genesis 2:18, 24

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.

“God said, “I’ll make a helper suitable…”

He specifically designed a man and a woman to be “suitable” to one another…to be compatible…he made it to “work” together well

(You both work at Microsoft…you know about programs “compatible” and “incompatible” and what that can mean)

– and I know there are personality types that seem to work beter with or “click” with – I get that…

– but you know what I’ve found?

– the biggest challenge to a relationship (and especially in the marriage relationship) is that there are more incompatible people than incompatible relationships!

Interesting quote I read…

When a man marries a woman, they become one but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one”

what am I saying here?

* God made us well – he didn’t mess up

* love and marriage are His design – and wow, did He do a great job!

* just as he made Adam and Eve (from the beginning) to be “suitable” (compatible) for one another….AND HERE’S THE KEY…

YOU need to continue to be “suitable”

you must continue to be “compatible” all through your married life…(let me burst a bubble here: it’s not automatic!)

* it’s in what you decide to do

* make the choice from the start to remain “suitable” to one another

* right now it’s “marriage 1.0” – you’ve run the “install” disk, but you’ll need to constantly adapt/upgrade…marriage 2.0 and so on!

* because you know what?  You will go through seasons of changes in your lives, individually and as a couple

– you won’t be the same in 5 years that you are right now…or 10, 0r 25, or 50…

– my wife Cindy and I are definitely in a new season right now after 28 years of marriage than we were when we stood where you are standing now…

* I’m sure your parents could echo the same thing…marriages go through different “seasons

Now, here’s the secret that so many miss – the deepest joy and satisfaction your married life will bring you…

* it’s the continued compatibility of saying “I will learn, I will grow and adjust to the changes taking place in our relationship, I will continue to love you deeply no matter what the cost” ( I will upgrade to marriage 2.0 and so on!)

– I will continue to “know you” on the deepest level

* even when I don’t “get it” ( when I feel like I’ve had a system crash!) – or when I am supremely frustrated in the process

– I will continue to be authentic with you about who I am on the deepest level (I won’t stuff!)

* That’s being “compatible” – that’s being “suitable” – and you know what – that’s what will bring you the lifelong satisfaction in your marriage that God designed you to have!”

Isn’t he the cutest?  So many request him to perform their weddings – and he specifically designs a whole message around who they are and what they do for a living.

I loved this particular example – because I have been so FRUSTRATED with my computer over this last year – and will try to run a program only to have it NOT speak to my computer because I don’t have the most current “upgrade”.  Marriage is so similar.

Are you upgrading your Marriage?  Downloading the files necessary to co-exist and effectively communicate?  Do you need to have a “systems crash” before you DO something about it?  I would say to you – do the maintenance and avoid the “crash” – but if the “crash” is the only way to rebuild your marriage – then God can even use your brokenness and failure to restore your “system” back to a healthier and stronger marriage.

Do the steps

Be authenic

Talk it out

Rebuild

Bond

Remain

Live!

God Bless!

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Comments on: "Have You Upgraded Your Marriage?" (12)

  1. At first when I saw the title I was reminded of the old rag about taking a 40-year old spouse and exchanging him/her for two 20’s…It seems that the previous generation has tried this and has found it to be a major FAIL! This coming generation, as a result, is altogether gun-shy about getting married or, worse, have the attitude that their first marriage relationship is just a trial run for the more meaningful one to follow. I often wonder how the church has enabled this mindset – since our divorce rates are no different from the rest of society’s – or not adequately addressed the issues of marriage covenant and marriage relationships. I don’t have any answers, just a lot of head scratching, wondering…

    • I’ve wondered this too Ron. I don’t think young couples starting out are given the “tools” they need to succeed and when the going gets tough – they run! It’s modeled all around us – work situations tough? Just quick and find a better job! Don’t like your school? Just change schools. Your partner not listening and doing it for you anymore? Just find someone else to listen and start feeling things for someone else – Problem solved, right? Wrong. We forget that just because we’ve “jumped ship” to be with someone else – they have problems and baggage of their own – and when the romance wears off – then you’re left with the same problems – only worse – you now have TWO sets of brokenness and hurt to deal with.

      Someone once said of her broken second marriage, “I wish I had just worked harder on my first marriage – then I wouldn’t be in this situation” So true.

      Now I’m not talking about abusive situations – those need to be handled differently – and sometimes nothing YOU do can make any difference. Just something to thing about.

  2. I think the world has a fairytale idea of what marriage is and Hollywood has changed our perceptions. In my parents generation, they knew there would be hardships in life and that a marriage was a relationship that needed care and work. They expected to work hard at their jobs and at their relationships. They depended on their neighbors and so they worked hard to maintain them. Family meant a lot so they went out of their way for them.

    In today’s microwave society, if it isn’t working we throw it away. If my night in shining armor doesn’t act like Romeo, he doesn’t really love me. If the damsel isn’t still beautiful, he trades her in for a new model. UPGRADE!

    Most of a relationship is how we communicate with each other. Today’s citizens are busy and have no time for courtesies. There is a culture in our country of freedom of speech but we don’t understand that there are consequences to our speech.

    How we talk with our spouse makes all the difference in how we perceive each other. Sticks and stone may break your bones but after a time bones will heal. Word will cut deeper than a knife and it’s effects may last forever.

    • JoJo – I think you’re right. Dissatisfaction has become quite normal for us over the years – it’s hard to stay exciting and romantic and sustain that over time. So it doesn’t feel right or give the same feelings as it once did – we think something’s wrong with “him” – or worse – something is wrong with “us”. And we find love somewhere else.

      Luckily we are starting to see more couples “work on it” in their marriage more frequently – and be in tune more with the ever changing seasons of marriage. I’ve personally witnessed many miracle couples who have gone through a really rough patch and still chose to survive – work hard and make it! When so many find “someone else” when they don’t feel it in their marriage anymore – we need to congratulate the ones that are willing to work on their marriage and do what is necessary to get back to what is important and that commitment that they first signed on for. Easy to do? Not on your life. But God will bless it – you have His word on it.

      Thanks JoJo – great comment!!

  3. Brenda Barringer said:

    wow, that was awesome! It left me speachless and wondering in life.

  4. Well we have spent 28 years this Feb. 14 and so far (knock on wood) we have managed to work out whatever trivial problems we encounter along the way. I think it is that we know each other so well and always know what is coming next that we put a halt of saying something that we will regret later. We’ve learned to “quiet down” when we have to. We love each other and give each other the space we need. Way to go!! have a great week and thanks for the reminders. We always need that.

  5. Those Windows Upgrades always come at a most unconvient time, just like the “updates of a marriage”. 🙂
    Still, if we don’t adjust now and then the marriage might crash due to overloading, or uncompatibility.

    Love the comparison between computer systems and marriage; so true, so true all of it.

    Thanks Cindy! 🙂

  6. I love it babe!
    Just thought of another thing; with our computers, we often neglect to obtain the upgrades or simply don’t want to “pay the price” to purchase them. Also very much like maintaining and growing our marriages (at least until a major problem arises and we “have to”!) – we neglect the upgrade or don’t want to put in the effort necessary.
    I guess the key is regularly obtaining and loading them “before” the problems occur. I guess I should take my own advice, huh?
    🙂
    Greg

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