Musings From A Musical Mind

Mostly…

Today was one of those rare beautiful days in Seattle – and a moment in time when all is “right with the world”.  At least mostly.

Pastor Greg spoke on “change” in the service this morning at the church we now attend in Enumclaw.  It was really beautiful – and echoed what I myself have been feeling in my spirit now for over a year.

Change is hard because I like to stay where I am – it is more comfortable and I like it that way.  Change means a “pulling away” from the familiar.  Change means being willing to “grow” and be “adaptable” to the new things around me.  Change means saying “goodbye” to what I don’t want to.  And means doing things I would normally never do.  It can also mean allowing someone into my world that has hurt me –  or forgiving those I thought I already had – and setting them free from any debt they owe me.

As I pondered these thoughts from this morning – something really hit home to me and was like an “Ah ha” moment.  I don’t think it was necessarily anything in particular that our pastor said – but something was stirring in my spirit.  I have been on a journey of “change” – and a “new season” in my life for over a year now – and things are making more sense to me than ever before.  Things are becoming clear to me in a way they never have before.  I felt a couple of tears spill down my cheeks as I sat there in the stillness of that moment.  I realized something:  I am enjoying life.  Really enjoying it – to the fullest.  Moving past a difficult time – finding love in a new way – waving goodbye to the past.  All of this is good.  Mostly.

But there will always be things I can’t understand.  How things can seem to be “healed” and “right”  one moment and the next – be completely silent, awkward and “wrong” again.  I will never understand why people run and hide – instead of facing things in the right way.  I will never understand how God can forgive me – and I can believe that I have forgiven my brother and yet others cannot seem to forgive me.  And I will never understand how people cannot seem to forgive themselves.

And so when I say that life is good – it does not mean I still do not have questions.  I wish and pray with all my heart that someday I will have an answer to these and many more.

As I drove to Seattle today with Greg after church and saw Mt. Rainier in all its beauty and splendor – I was awed and moved once again.  One of God’s great gifts to me in tangible form – a beautiful day that will bring tears to my eyes every time.  And reminds me…God is good – all the time.  Like a kiss from heaven – He is making life beautiful for me – working behind the scenes of my life.  And if He takes that much trouble to create a magnificent backdrop for me to just enjoy  – like Mt. Rainier – how much more does  He also care about my unanswered questions and struggles?  Much, much more!    He understands the things that drive me crazy!  He gets me – even when I don’t sometimes “get” myself and He understands why I do the things that I do.  Even when I don’t.  He is not afraid of my questions.  He understands my emotions and tears.  He knows why I still have a “heaviness” in my spirit that I am trying to leave behind me.  He knows about the unspoken events and hidden brokenness.  And He  is still there – working through all the “changes” in life that surround me.

Even when I have a rare day of beauty – and all is “right in my world”  Even when things in life are good.  At least mostly.

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Comments on: "Mostly…" (8)

  1. That’s a great photo Cindy. I personally don’t care for change but change is part of life and I have to accept it. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Was in Tacoma/Federal Way area Thursday thru Saturday. Wow, incredible weather. Reminds me that weather comes and goes along with the fickle and static nature of all of us. This paragraph says it all:

    “But there will always be things I can’t understand. How things can seem to be “healed” and “right” one moment and the next – be completely silent, awkward and “wrong” again. I will never understand why people run and hide – instead of facing things in the right way. I will never understand how God can forgive me – and I can believe that I have forgiven my brother and yet others cannot seem to forgive me. And I will never understand how people cannot seem to forgive themselves.”

    Great post!

  3. “God loves you and has a difficult – plan for your life” is a part of the gospel I think we avoid – telling others or living ourselves. We want to fight, flee or hide from that truth and our own brokeness. I am glad you are coming to a place of rest and contentment and joy – “a time of refreshing rains.” I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share your journey. Thanks, Cindy.

  4. jojotabares said:

    My mom never game me a middle name. I’m middle nameless, but if I had one…Change and Weird would be my middle names. JoJo Everything Changes and Weird Stuff Happens to Me Tabares. lol

    In my life after I accepted Christ, if I thought things would be peaceful and serene, boy was I wrong. Never a dull moment for this gal! I have been in a constant state of change and mostly I have welcomed it because so much of the change turned struggle as I fought spiritual warfare or became overwhelming by my own hand. The more the Lord has me speak out about Him, the more spiritual warfare I encounter. The more I try to “work” my way out of it, the more it overwhelms me.

    I welcome the changes the Lord brings as there is a brief period of time where I feel a little of that peaceful calm. But you know, the more I live inside His will, the more I realize that all IS right with my world even if I don’t feel that calm. This is where He has me and there must be a reason.

    • I think many people think that after accepting Christ life will somehow be easier – instead they find that things are complicated and full of choices – whether “saved” or not. It’s in truly being willing to “change” with the different choices – bad or good that decide for us how our life will go. And God is in the midst of it all – if we will allow Him to be. There’s always a reason for everything – sometimes we just need a lot of time to go by before we see the reason – but there always is one. And that’s why you feel that “calm” – even though life has gone sideways on you. It does for all of us – how will we react to it – becomes sometimes the biggest test of our lives.

      Thanks JoJo ♥

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