So today, Greg and I were driving home from a grocery run at our nearby “Winco Foods” – and I was deep into conversation – something I most always do. I was happily chatting about the deep meaning of the universe – or some such thing and Greg was quietly sitting there – somewhat preoccupied – but not any more than usual – when suddenly he interrupted (I was making a good point too) and said, “I don’t think my door is closed”. Wow. Just like that. From the “mysteries of the universe” to the mundane and ordinary in about a nano second.
This event is what I would call “typical” in our relationship. And I would not be surprised by it in the least – and just chalk it up to “that’s the way that it is” – if another similar event hadn’t jogged my memory and I knew that I just HAD to write about this – as I’m sure most every relationship faces similar challenges with being “on the same page”.
The other event happened a few weeks ago. We were having a “dilly bar” at Dairy Queen and sitting in the lobby. Greg was facing right toward the counter and behind the counter, the kitchen. I was looking at him and facing in the direction of the lobby and beyond that – the window looking outside. I was again talking about something meaningful and deep. Greg seemed engaged in our discussion – even interjecting things once in a while to show that he was receiving the information – processing it – and very quickly proving to me that he was with me by asking probing and thoughtful questions. He doesn’t fool me. All guys do this – and I know what’s really going on in there. They have “tuned out” – and gone to their “nothing box” The signs are usually all there – the glazed over eyes – the mouth twitch – the sudden jerky movements and darting eyes. Yup. We know. It was at this particular moment in time – after saying something that required a response from him – that he suddenly focused his eyes on something directly over my left shoulder and exclaimed in a loud voice, “Something’s on fire in there – I see FLAMES!!” Of course he did.
This is the dance we do. And ours is even more interesting because we are both self-employed. So that means I have twice as much husband (this is not always good) and half as much money (this is NEVER good). And we have had to adjust to being with each other in the same house 24/7. And we’re not even retirement age yet – so it’s like a practice run for us. It works pretty well most of the time – his office is upstairs and mine is down – he works a lot at night-time leaving me with the house to myself many nights to “do my own thing” – which I love – so it’s not all bad.
But we are learning. After 28 years of being married it is a new season to begin learning things all over again and to find our “level”. Greg likes closeness and “time” from me – I enjoy my “space” and friends – like to write and communicate with others in my world – and don’t need the closeness as much as he does. He works really hard at not “smothering” me and I work really hard at giving him my full attention and closeness. It is a dance. We are very different people – and we’ve become different over the years with our likes and dislikes. I was very young when we got married and I think I have changed over the years – as he has too. It is like getting to know someone all over again when there are no children anymore to raise and be focused on. I have found my friendships VERY important to me and need many different people in my life. It’s like adding seasoning to my world – each a different spice – some more peppery than others – some mild and sweet – each one is special and has their place. Greg would be fine without anyone else but me in his world. So we’ve had to make adjustments along the way – and be fine with that. It is a dance.
Hope you all are finding your “level” with the relationships in your life.