“At the end of the day, the end of it all I’ll still be me! I’ll still laugh, I’ll still love, I’ll still hurt, I’ll still cry, and most importantly I’ll still live!”
If you’ve ever been criticized for being a certain way – or had people question your motives – then you know the feeling that lack of validation brings. The “I’m just being me” loses some of its uniqueness – some of it’s spark.
But if you have people in your life that know all about the “quirks” and “moods” that make up who you are – and STILL love you – then you are blessed.
Still…if you’ve had a friendship ripped away from you – a misunderstanding of gigantic proportions and unresolved issues that go beyond insane – you tend to be really “gun-shy” about relationships in your world. It just takes one person to entirely mess you up. Even when you have good people to take their place – even then.
I am forever messed up. By a friendship that went horribly wrong. I admit it. My personal trust arena has been compromised – I have always loved my friends deeply – so I get hurt deeply. That is both bad and good. Without the pain – you just have casual relationships with nothing invested – and no risk. And that isn’t really living. So it’s always worth it to risk the heart. Always. But it can also really stink!
It’s funny – you can think you’re fine – over it – and moved WAY past it. Then something triggers a memory of loss. Someone pulls away – or something happens to bring those feelings of helplessness again. And like the song lyric “here I go again” – you find that it feels like it’s happening all over again. And it’s not.
I am learning that I cannot always go on “feelings” – for they can deceive – BIG TIME! And I cannot give in to the feeling “what if every one of these people in my life – go away too”? I know it’s not reasonable to feel or think this way – but when we’ve been hurt – it is the emotional response. It is not based in reality – but in fear. And I WILL NOT give in to it.
But I am learning to be “me” – even when I had to “pull in” to please people who didn’t like what being “me” meant in their world.
I am also learning to embrace change – look at things and friendships in a new way.
I am learning to appreciate the little things about the kind people in my life that daily encourage me – and who are walking with me through my own journey called life.
I am learning not to compromise what I believe in – and to not give in to the negative.
God made me unique – with special abilities that no one else has – quite in the same way. You are also unique and special. When we remember that – and know that He has His hand on our lives and places the right people in our path to help us through our journey – then we realize that it’s okay and safe to be “me”. Fearless and unafraid.
I am praying for each one of you today. That you will also realize this. That you will embrace the people around you that the Lord has placed in your life for a reason – to help you – to encourage you – to bring out the best in you – and that you will feel “safe” and “unafraid”.