Musings From A Musical Mind

The Risk Of Being Me

“At the end of the day, the end of it all I’ll still be me! I’ll still laugh, I’ll still love, I’ll still hurt, I’ll still cry, and most importantly I’ll still live!”

If you’ve ever been criticized for being a certain way – or had people question your motives – then you know the feeling that lack of validation brings.  The “I’m just being me” loses some of its uniqueness – some of it’s spark.

But if you have people in your life that know all about the “quirks” and “moods” that make up who you are – and STILL love you – then you are blessed.

Still…if you’ve had a friendship ripped away from you – a misunderstanding of gigantic proportions and unresolved issues that go beyond insane – you tend to be really “gun-shy” about relationships in your world.  It just takes one person to entirely mess you up.  Even when you have good people to take their place – even then.

I am forever messed up.  By a friendship that went horribly wrong.  I admit it.  My personal trust arena has been compromised – I have always loved my friends deeply – so I get hurt deeply.  That is both bad and good.  Without the pain – you just have casual relationships with nothing invested – and no risk.  And that isn’t really living.  So it’s always worth it to risk the heart.  Always.  But it can also really stink!

It’s funny – you can think you’re fine – over it – and moved WAY past it.  Then something triggers a memory of loss.  Someone pulls away – or something happens to bring those feelings of helplessness again.  And like the song lyric “here I go again” – you find that it feels like it’s happening all over again.  And it’s not.

I am learning that I cannot always go on “feelings” – for they can deceive – BIG TIME!  And I cannot give in to the feeling “what if every one of these people in my life – go away too”?  I know it’s not reasonable to feel or think this way – but when we’ve been hurt – it is the emotional response.  It is not based in reality – but in fear.  And I WILL NOT give in to it.

But I am learning to be “me” – even when I had to “pull in” to please people who didn’t like what being “me” meant in their world.

I am also learning to embrace change – look at things and friendships in a new way.

I am learning to appreciate the little things about the kind people in my life that daily encourage me – and who are walking with me through my own journey called life.

I am learning not to compromise what I believe in – and to not give in to the negative.

God made me unique – with special abilities that no one else has – quite in the same way.  You are also unique and special.  When we remember that – and know that He has His hand on our lives and places the right people in our path to help us through our journey – then we realize that it’s okay and safe to be “me”.  Fearless and unafraid.

I am praying for each one of you today.  That you will also realize this.  That you will embrace the people around you that the Lord has placed in your life for a reason – to help you – to encourage you – to bring out the best in you – and that you will feel “safe” and “unafraid”.

God Bless

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Comments on: "The Risk Of Being Me" (12)

  1. I’ve done a great deal of research on this topic because relationships are all about communication. I find that communication skills are less of a priority these days, especially with all the new techie ways in which we can communicate with each other and not have to look at one another in the eyes.

    Communication skills are not taught, not appreciated. Today’s society has grown to believe that the right to free speech justifies them in saying anything they like, but they forget that what they say has a consequence. More and more people take offense even when none is meant and this is why relationships are so delicate.

    Years ago, when folks needed their neighbors and family to live, they worked hard at them. They nurtured them. They overlooked issues and moved on. They forgave. Not so much anymore.

    I tend to look at each person as a unique creature of God, doing the best they can with what they have at the moment. I usually don’t see offense unless it’s blatant and, even then, I look for an excuse that might explain it away.

    I’m a very unique individual. Always have been. I don’t have a middle name, but if I did, it would be “weird.” I’ve lived almost 48 years on this earth having folks judge me as I don’t fit into a mold very easily. Now that I am vocal about my faith, I find I am a target. Just comes with the territory.

    I think you are pretty special, Cindy. Don’t worry about those who don’t think so. You just be you. There are plenty of us who love you because you are!

    • Thanks so much JoJo! I’m a different sort of person too who usually always sees the good in people (almost to a fault) sometimes it is my own personal blindside. It takes a lot to get me “down” and then once I’m up again I am usually happy and positive no matter what is going on. I have learned over the years that I can’t just go on feelings for they are often wrong. Thanks for your kind words of love and encouragement! I think you are a special friend too!

  2. Life can be hard, especially with friendships. Where the “friend” is casual with your friendship you might value it deeply. And when it all goes wrong we feel rejected, and it hurts us deeply.

    But I also know that I will get over it; my loved ones are always there to help me with those feelings. And in the end, I value them more than the one friend who has rejected me. 🙂

  3. debi verwers said:

    Thanks Cindy, your timing is just amazing it seems when those waves come over me there it is your Blog……and then I feel lighter. I put back on my smile and brush myself off and go on! So picture me smiling& brushed off!!! I am learning so much about myself, relationships, life in general that I maybe “should” have known already but “for such a time as this” I am “maturing”/learning at age 51!!! Go figure! I love life right now….everyday is a learning experience some painful, some filled with laughter but all of them are given to me by God to rejoice in….
    Thanks again and again Cindy for sharing, I know you know what it means to have something someone say’s touch your heart and be just what you needed just when you needed it!!
    Love Deb

    • Thanks so much for the encouragement Debi – I was having one of those kind of days yesterday where I had what they used to call “the blues” – much better today. What I’ve learned is that the feeling is just that – a feeling and it quickly passes – so I hang on to that. You have much courage Debi and I am privileged to know about some of your journey and I’m so glad that I have real authentic relationships in this world that I am free to share with and be myself with – where there is no risk – it is a “safe zone” Thanks for being transparent with me Debi. You are loved! ♥

  4. Anyone ever involved in any type of leadership role knows the criticism of being the way they are – doing the things the way they do them, saying the things the way they say them, etc. It can make you gun shy that’s for certain. At the same time, for some of us, the harshest critic is our own voice telling ourselves that we do things wrong, do it dumb, can’t get it right, are not like “so-and-so”, not good enough, will never measure up and succeed, etc. I don’t know what’s worse sometimes. The wounds that others have inflicted upon me or the ones I keep inflicting upon myself. Coming to grips and being comfortable in our own skin is a big part of maturing. I hope I get there someday.

    • Me too Ron. Me too. But you are right about ourselves being our harshest critic – even when others don’t do something to marginalize us – but when they do – it’s even more dicey, isn’t it? I’m trying to grow up and be mature – but sometimes it’s really HARD!!

  5. Hi Cindy. Sorry I haven’t been around. Still going back and forth to San Jose. (my mom) Hope all is okay and this post comes just at the right time. Thank you and yes prayer would fit in perfectly. I am also trying to be positive and not think negative. Thanks for this post. Have a great week.

  6. Denise Hance said:

    Thanks for sharing that Cindy. Really living means taking risks, huh? Randy Stonehill (now that’s goin’ back!) wrote, “Thank God for the tears because it means I am still alive.” Have a most fabulous day!

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