Musings From A Musical Mind

I recently ran across this article and have re-posted it so you can read it for yourself. This man’s blog is very interesting and he makes many good points about men and women. In this particular article he cites the 9 different types of men that women should never date – and  I added – never marry!  I really love articles from a man’s perspective – because no one knows men – and can get inside of their head – like another man!

There’s a reason why marriages last in a day and age when more than half do not. I have been married to my wonderful guy for 29 years in September. Why has it lasted? Are we just too stubborn to admit defeat?  Well we are stubborn – but not the kind you think.  Are we in “la la land’?  Sometimes.  Is it always blissful and happy?  Not always – but it’s always interesting. If it gets too dull and lacks spontaneity – we try to create some.

We believe that God blessed our marriage – but that it still is up to us to bring change and rejuvenation to our relationship. We don’t accept the ‘norm’ and the ‘contract’ of marriage – if that was all we had – I wouldn’t stay with him – ‘contract’ or not – and I was brought up in a Christian home where murder is okay – but not divorce. No – I stay with him because he is my best friend – the best husband and father in the world. He has proven his love for me many times – even when my own feelings changed.  Even when I wasn’t sure what I wanted.  And external circumstances blindsided me.  It was then that I truly had to evaluate for myself why I was staying with him.  What was marriage?  Do we just stay together even when we have changed?  Even when feelings for each other are altered by life and circumstance?  Because as a Christian I have always considered it wrong to leave?  All of these – and none of these.  I struggled to find the answers as we all do at some point in our lives – and there has to be something more that keeps people together than just a ‘commitment’ and a promise – which can be broken – and is broken everyday.  I had to have time to find the answers for myself of why I chose this incredible man.  And it took some time.  Life brings many changes to us – mid-life has its own set of issues and questions – and suddenly the mundane and ordinary did not look very appealing to me.  He stayed by me – listened to me – supported me – and tried to understand my tangled emotions. And we talked it out for months – me explaining – him listening – together we made a conscious effort to be new and improved partners in this thing called ‘marriage’.   He was willing to change – move forward in health – and be a better husband to me. And I observed how patient he was – his willingness to love me beyond my many questions.  I was not willing to settle for a ‘loveless’ or ‘passionless’ marriage.  Some are.  I’m not – plain and simple.  It’s easy for others to say, “it doesn’t matter how you feel – you made a promise and have a commitment”!  But for me – that’s not enough.  I will not settle for anything like that, ever.  It’s not in my nature to just ‘settle’ and resign myself that’s how it’s going to be.  I found that the change had to come from inside me. Happiness is a choice. And as we grasp a hold of that concept something takes over in our lives – joy!

Now I’m not going to tell you to get out of your miserable relationship that keeps you in bondage – if that’s the way you like it – or have resigned yourself to – but it’s not for me!  If people are miserable and not feeding good things into each other – or building each other up and bringing out the very best in each other – and are unwilling to make it work – or to keep it exciting and fresh – then you’d be better make a decision – and I hope it will be a decision to work on getting the ‘passion’ and ‘love’ back into the relationship – otherwise – get out.  Don’t stay in a ‘loveless’ relationship.  Do something about it!  Decide you’re going to find that joy deep within your self as you turn the thing around!  It’s there waiting for you.
I believe that there are men out there like my husband – kind and gentle – giving and gracious – but women settle every day for less.  Why do they do it?  For the excitement?  Maybe.  But excitement does not last.  But if that’s what she’s looking for – the signals to men will be very easy to read. I believe every woman needs to have very high standards and not compromise or try to ‘explain’ his bad behavior away. A man votes with his feet. You should be able to tell how he feels about you by what he is willing to do for you. You should be the most important person in his world – and he should desire to move heaven and earth to be with you – to protect you and hold on to you.
I want to encourage you today – don’t settle. Set your standards high!  Choose a man who will stand by you – not one who runs away at the first sign of conflict in the relationship – one that sticks in there for the long haul – no matter what.

God Bless!

Below is the article – enjoy!

9 Types of men you should never date I get really good letters from women from around the world and I do my best to answer them all. Sometimes I receive one and it inspires me to write a post on it. Last week I was written to by a 19-year-old girl from Russia whom asked me this question. “Are there certain types of men women should not date?” That was a very good question and after thinking about it for the last few days I decided to create a list for her. However, since I figured i … Read More

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Comments on: "9 Types of men you should never date (or marry) (via Eavesdropping in the Boys Club)" (4)

  1. I think many couples feel trapped and one or both of them think that is it much easier to just get out than work it out. Both are incredibly difficult, but I think the dissolution of a relationship ends up being the hardest of the choices, though it doesn’t appear that way at first. It looks like the easier path.

    I think the other choice is to choose to make it better by working first on yourself. You cannot have better relationships without a changed and better ‘you’. Too often, one partner sees only the needed change in the other without seeing the needed changes in his or her self.

  2. You two are an inspiration. Not only married a long time but still in love. So rare these days. You’re cute too!

    • Thanks JoJo! I’ve just been leafing ‘online’ through the book, “The Sex Starved Marriage” and WOW is it EVER an eye opener! So many couples have problems in this area and it needs to be dealt with – that and the emotional connection – to keep the marriage alive, thriving and happy! We’ve tried to do both to keep our marriage passionate and ALIVE!

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