Musings From A Musical Mind

I posted something today on my facebook page about laughter and it got me thinking about marriage and laughter.  There are many reasons why a marriage fails – even those that start out with good intentions.  Oh sure, there are outside forces that hit you blindsided – we all know about those things – and finances (or lack of them) can also be a key contributor to failure.  But more than these I believe that at the very root of the issue is this:  Married couples forget to laugh. Now I’m not talking about the little chuckle you get from something funny one of your kids did today – or a funny email or status update on facebook from one of your friends – or even a great humorous story – I’m talking about laughing with each other – sharing a joke together – or a secret and poking fun at the other and finding it so funny!  When was the last time your spouse made you REALLY LAUGH? When was the last time – YOU were funny and not so serious?  Life is serious enough without adding to it – and sometimes you just need to take a ‘chill pill’ and just laugh.  Laugh at the absurd – laugh at the ridiculousness of your situation – laugh at the irony of life – enjoy your spouse and find something together to laugh at!  A healthy married couple smiles and laughs all the time.

Another reason marriages are in trouble is this: Married people forget how to listen. You’re so used to that person – after a while if they’re not saying anything worth listening to – we tune them out. It is an art form to learn how to listen well – but well worth it.  We were a marriage that had forgotten how to do this – I didn’t feel I had my husband’s full attention anymore – he had forgotten how to listen to me and meet my emotional needs.

Develop a healthy sense of humor with your spouse and listen to them – really listen. If you listen long enough – believe me – you will bond with them again – you’ll be able to share secrets and find that laughter too.  It will be there – decide that YOU will not wait for them – decide that you are going to turn your marriage around.  Get your ‘mischievousness’ on!  You will ignite something in your spouse – a passion that you forgot was ever there.

And finally – I think the reason that marriages are in trouble is this:  Somewhere along the way – you forgot to like your spouse. You say, “Oh – but you don’t understand – I wouldn’t ever think of leaving them” – You may even say that you ‘love’ them – in the traditional Christian way (of course) and if push comes to shove and they really tick you off and you’re at the end of your rope you might consider murder – but NOT divorce – NEVER!  You say, “Not me!   This would never happen to us!  But I don’t have to like them – I’m committed.” HOGWASH!!  You are setting yourself up for a failure with this attitude.  What if someone comes into your life that really likes you – admires you – and treats you like your spouse doesn’t? There’s a fine line between tolerance and indifference – don’t be foolish.  It happens all the time.

I like my husband.  I didn’t always feel this way.  Oh I suppose I got used to him – he is an excellent man in every way – good father – wonderful friend to many – but for me – I had forgotten to like him.  So like many of you out there – I had a choice to make.  Do I want to start over and learn how to like him again – find the laughter and the reason that I picked  him in the first place?  Can it be done?  We’re used to each other – but do I really like him?  It took many months of talking and really listening to each other to discover that we were solid as good friends – even if we hadn’t been married to each other.  We had to rediscover that again – we had to ‘date’ again to make that connection – and we DID!  And you can too.  I can honestly say now that I not only love Greg – and am committed – but I also like him.

I found this very cute and humorous video on marriage from the comedic and married team of Stiller and Meara – married over 50 years.  It’s adorable and has some great truths in it – they use laughter in their relationship and they have also found that they actually like one another after all the years together.

God Bless

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Comments on: "Laughter, Listening and Liking each other in Marriage" (10)

  1. If you can’t laugh, can’t listen, and can’t like your partner then you will grow resentful and bitter, which will develop into a disdain for him or her. At this stage, it is hard to recover. All three take a lot of work. Kelly and I have much different senses of humor; I find many things funny that she simply does not…and she often suspects that I’m laughing at her. But I just find so much to laugh about. To be able to laugh, you can’t take yourself too seriously. Likewise, Kelly and I have two different listening styles; I’m passive and she’s active. To be a good listener, you have to be convinced that you are not the only one that has something important to say.

    • This is true Ron – the secret is being a good listener – having something useful to contribute and laughing together. I’m convinced of it the longer I am married. We cannot take ourselves too seriously – life has its own set of troubles without adding drama to it. The challenge is seeing things in the same way – even though we are so different. And being willing to work hard at being united even though we are different.

  2. […] Laughter, Listening and Liking each other in Marriage Cindy …Brainshambles Blog Archive Slaughter, Laughter, Slaughter …Reducing Stress and More With Laughter Yoga Health Benefits of …RIM takes control of blackpad.com, laughter takes control of our mindsFront Porch: Dreams, Laughter, and Comic Inspiration | Jane Be Nimble […]

  3. duke1959 said:

    lets jsut say me wife’s siblings were not real pleased!

  4. duke1959 said:

    even at my mother -in-laws funeral? OOOPS!

  5. Life’s not getting any easier. If you don’t laugh, what’s the alternative? LOL

    Statistics show that most marriages fail due to a lack of effective communication. Listening and laughing together are part of that. You cannot laugh or listen with out communicating.

  6. duke1959 said:

    If you do not have laughter in your marriage at some point it will catch up with your relationship

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