Musings From A Musical Mind

Fixing Me

Emotion Bliss

Image via Wikipedia

After reading my comments yesterday from my blog article – I began to have some additional thoughts to add.  My good friends pointed out something that I had missed.

My blog was on judgment – but primarily focusing on me and not them.  Judgment will take you outside – reflection will keep you in.

I will admit that it is easier (and less hard work) to keep my focus – out there. I don’t have to do much thinking with my head – I only have to use my emotions to feel.  I can point fingers, make comments, feel superior and look good to myself and everyone around me.  But the truth is – it is empty when I blame, point fingers and  judge.  I can pull a warm blanket of self-protection around me and feel justified in doing so.

Self Reflection is much harder.  It is what will keep me grounded and focused on the real issueMe. Oh sure – I want to scream out things like: ‘You don’t even understand me – you don’t know me’, or ‘How could you say that about me – I thought you did know me‘.  But holding my tongue and working on me where no one can see the hard work inside – is what makes me mature and forces me to grow up and face my own worst enemy.  It is me.

I am capable of being so selfish and so self protective – that I allow thoughts and words to take over my life.  Things that may or not even be true about others.  Slanderous thoughts can take over my life – and because I’ve been hurt – I play the victim once again – licking my wounds and wallowing in the misery embracing the pain of abuse and judgment that was unfairly heaped upon me.  I have no defense from the accusations – and so I allow myself to become hard, cold and bitter.  I am capable of this and more.

But if I allow myself to do the hard work of yanking that ‘plank’ out of my eye, piece by piece, splinter by splinter – until there is nothing there anymore – I may discover a sweet surprise.  Because I am now free of my bitterness and years of self-protection – I may see that there is nothing to remove from your eyes. And this is a sobering thought indeed.  Was it all about me – all along?  My lack – my selfishness, my hardness, my coldness, my insensitivity to others, my intolerance, my impatience and the list goes on and on.  Yes.  I am hopelessly flawed and in need of a Savior.

And thankfully – there is a Savior.  One who has walked this earth and understands how it feels to be hurt, rejected, betrayed by a good friend, misunderstood and all the other emotions that go along with that.  He was the Son of God and if anyone would have had the right to throw His weight around – be judgmental and be justified for His behavior – it was Jesus.  But He let all that go and chose instead to prefer others.  He made himself to be a servant – and he humbled himself – even went as far as death on a cross – to redeem those who were lost.  Me. He taught me how to live – to give myself away – to let go and love even if it means personal risk.  I am ashamed of myself and all my feeble attempts at protecting my pride and looking good.  And I am convicted and challenged by His love, grace and mercy – His selfless act.  And I am compelled to try to live this way too.

When doing so – you may also find that it is you that you need to fix. And not them.

 

God Bless

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Comments on: "Fixing Me" (6)

  1. You are right, it is a lifelong lesson and because i grew up with the constant negativity, I am very mindful not to treat my children that way. I want them to have faith in themselves and be confident in who they are and to not cast those judgement on others because you never know that person’s situation. And the idea that we can only control ourselves is the other part of that we are working hard to help our children understand. My daughter was upset a few weeks ago about a friend at school and disparaging remarks that had been made. I told her that she should just let it go because the only thing she really can control is her own actions and to not let this little girl get to her, then she’s giving her ‘power’ away.

    • You are RIGHT! But it takes a lifetime to really learn that and put it into daily practice, doesn’t it? I try to walk with much grace and mercy – having been through some bad things I understand and can only control my response to others and hope it is always loving and kind.

  2. this is so true. My mother is one of those people who is always pointing out other’s shortcomings and faults. She is not happy unless she has something to complain about, or someone to look and make a snide, or hurtful comment to make herself feel superior. it was very hard growing up with her. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I can only remember maybe two real and honest compliments she’s ever given me, and I say real meaning just a plaing, you look pretty today. not, ‘that sweater is pretty, but…’ It took me a long time to figure out that the problem was hers, not mine. I really feel bad for her, she’s just an unhappy person. It is tough to acknowledge our own flaws and correct them. Because it was always in my ear, I do catch myself thinking things that are what she would say, snide, snipey thoughts about someone’s dress or hair, and i stop myself and turn it into a compliment instead. Those nasty negative thoughts do no good, and who knows how many people are thinking the same about me? Truly. Great post Cindy.

    • I’m so sorry that you had a Mom that chose not to validate you when you were growing up. It’s that negative voice in our heads that we end up carrying in our head all of our lives – so hard to beat it! Good for you Cheryl for doing just that! We can only take ownership for us – and how we react to others – such a life long lesson.

  3. This is why God warns us about this. It’s much harder to see the issues we need to fix within ourselves than it is to see them in others. We all do it and we all need this reminder. Thanks, Cindy!

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