Throwing Off The Covers

Mid-life, Migraine Barbie Has Snapped

Well it’s finally happened. I’m hot. Not like that. The other kind of hot – you know the temperature kind.

It’s been happening for about 3 or 4 years – starting with migraine headaches right out of the blue – sending me to the doctor’s for a shot and vomiting all the way there. Then the really emotional days hit. I have been emotional my whole life – but during this time it was ramped up a bit. I cry at anything. Believe me – you wouldn’t want to test out that theory.

I don’t have to wear jackets outside even when it’s cold – and in the truck or car I need the vent on full blast or the window open or I feel sick,

I am my own personal heating system.

I admit it. I have been in somewhat of a denial over these very troubling ‘signs’ of midlife. It means – I have to give in – can’t excuse it away – it means – my body and emotions are changing and I must realize the sad truth – I’m getting older.

Last week I was at the doctor’s for my yearly exam and she asked me if I feel differently – other than the things I had said above. To me those were vague at best – not really the real thing at all – until she asked me about nighttime. She asked, ‘do you throw the covers off’? And I had to admit that yes, I do.

Last night I not only threw the covers off – but blamed my sweet sleeping husband for NOT opening the window wide enough. I’m like, ‘are you KIDDING ME!!! I’m in midlife here – WORK WITH ME!!’ And I got up and put a short-sleeved shirt on instead of the long-sleeved one I had on to begin with – and Greg opened every window he could find.

We laughed about it this morning – and it’s nice that we can laugh about it. I believe that other than this – I am going to breeze on by this little hiccup in the road of my mental and emotional state. And maybe someday soon I’ll be ‘normal’ and even put a sweater or jacket on again.

Even the commercial and retail world seem to agree with me – as many ‘boomers’ are now in mid-life and beyond. These will give you a good laugh and make your day!

Mid-life Barbie

1.) Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (Half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2.) Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. (Comes with tiny hand-held fan and tissues.)
3.) Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie’s “hormone” levels rise, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4.) Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Also comes with two muu-muus, and tummy support under panties.
5.) Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car and Ken’s boat.
6.) No-more-wrinkles-Barbie. Erase those pesky crow’s feet and lip lines that have appeared with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle from Barbie’s very own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7.) Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8.) Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It’s time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
9.) Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Sooth her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
10.) Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things and cries… a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.