Musings From A Musical Mind

How To Find And Keep A Man

Cover of "He's Just Not That Into You"

Cover of He's Just Not That Into You

In this day and age where it is common for couples to have marital problems and get divorced based on those problems – I thought I would write an article devoted to some well-known ‘secrets’ about finding, loving and keeping a man.

1.  Find a man who thinks you are the sun and the moon and most of the galaxy as well. I love the movie, ‘Run Away Bride’ – where Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts – ‘you need someone who can’t wait for you to wake up in the morning – just to hear what you’re going to say’.  If you have a man like that in your life – you are blessed.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be loved like that.  Greg thinks I’m cute when I first wake up in the morning too!  Greg’s strong stubborn love has literally kept our marriage in tact – when we hit a rough patch.  This is the kind of love you want.  Don’t settle for anyone who will not die and even take the fall for you.

2. Looks are deceiving. A shy guy that is hard-working and has integrity beats the ‘hot’ guy that some girls have to have.  They totally miss the nice man with the kind eyes who will move heaven and earth for them.  Looks never impressed me – if they were there – then it was a bonus – but it was not a deciding factor for me.  Look deeper.  Dig.  You may just find a diamond in the rough.  Choose someone who will protect your heart and never make you cry.  Those men who don’t protect your heart and make you cry are not worth it. Choose someone who prefers you to every other woman he has ever met.  Imagine growing old together and raising a family with him.  Someone who will never look at anyone else the way he looks at you.  Someone who you can trust.  Forever.

3.  Choose someone with a similar background and faith. I believe there is enough struggle in marriage that you should not intentionally give yourself another one.  When someone comes from a similar home and faith – you have that to draw on when times are tough – when raising children and especially teenagers – it takes wisdom and perspective from both sides.  And sometimes your similar faith in God is all you have.  Give yourself every advantage when wanting your marriage to work – long-term.

About 4 years ago I purchased the book ‘He’s just not that into you‘ because I had heard great  things about it.  It reveals the truth behind the verbal and non-verbal phrases and excuses men use when they are ‘just not that into you’.  Because it is written by a man – and how they think   I decided that my daughter needed to have this book.

She had been through some difficult relationships – and was not picking up on the ‘signals’ of non interest early on – therefore propelling herself back into the misery of ‘first time – shame on you – second time – shame on me’ syndrome.

I have some of my own things I wish to modestly submit – having had a few years experience with men.  30 to be exact ♥

1.  You must develop a deep friendship.

Having a friendship with Greg saved our marriage when it went through a dry patch and emotionally hit rock bottom.  He was always first and foremost my best friend – and that saved us.

2.  Expect that things are not always going to feel romantic. If you expect that your marriage will be  always be romantic and based on ‘feelings’ – and I’m talking about passion and intimacy – and feelings of happiness and well-being -you are going to be very disappointed.  If you or your partner gets bored easily and cannot ride things out –  then you may as well pack it in.  Long term marriage isn’t for you.  Very quickly the ‘thrill is gone’ when couples live together – have irritating habits – have children, bills, family problems – and life in general goes sideways.  Feelings like, “I love him – but I’m not in love with him‘ or ‘I don’t feel it anymore’ – are very normal – and it needs to be addressed as such.  When this happened to me – I thought there was something horribly wrong with me – not realizing that you won’t always feel like it.  Some days you won’t even like each other very much.  NORMAL!  I wish somebody would have told me this.

3. Treat him like a King – and he will treat you like his Queen. The woman sets the tone in the home – and with a man.  Even in friendship – it is usually at the pace of the woman.   So – be the first to respect and honor – and it will be returned – how can it NOT be?  A man worth marrying and having in the first place – wants to fall hopelessly under your ‘spell’ – and die in your arms.  We woman tend to get grouchy and ‘naggy’ all the time – instead of growing wiser and adapting to the simple needs of our man.  And I say simple – because men are not as emotional as woman and can compartmentalize issues and relationships in their lives easier than we do.  The basic needs of a man – that include (and are not limited to) food and sex –  and a fundamental need to be admired.  The person that they most want to impress is you!  So you must admire them!  If you don’t – someone else will.  I guarantee it.  Strip a man of his manliness and pride – and take him from being your ‘hero’ and reduce him to a mere shadow of a man by nagging or belittling him – and you are in for SERIOUS issues.  There will be emotional removal, physical absence and much more.  Women have a need to be cared for, listened to and told they are the most wonderful and beautiful woman in the world.  If you don’t listen to her heart – emotionally care for her or express your feelings for her – there are FIVE guys waiting in the wings – lined up to tell her what you will not. And very soon – you will be emotionally shut out.  Don’t let that happen to you.

4.  Bring the fun back into the relationship. I’m proud of my many relationships with my guy friends – we laugh and have fun!   Woman bring a ‘child-like’ quality to the men in her life – and to the man she is married to.  I love to hear ‘you make me laugh’ from my guy friends and especially my husband. He loves that I tease him and love to have fun.  And when he teases back – I know he likes me.  I have enough guy friends in my life including a son and son-in-law – to understand that when they tease – it means you are IN!  And just as women set the tone in the home and for her children – I believe that a woman sets the tone in a love relationship.  Set the tone through humor.  Humor and  laughter can ease the tension of a stressful work day and external stresses in his world.  Make his world a safe and fun place – lighten the load with laughter.  Discover what it is like to have fun again!  Go on dates.  Laugh at each other.  Lighten up!  Enjoy each others company – even when just eating a meal or watching TV.

and finally

5.  Be honest with each other about everything. Trust each other enough to tell each other the truth.  It’s a sad thing when there is no ‘safe place’ to confide – either because when tried – it was quickly dismissed as trivial or not important – or because you stuffed things so deeply you don’t know how to share them.  Try to work through that fear and work on  being completely and totally honest.  A man will respect you for telling the truth – no matter how much it hurts.

God Bless you and your relationships!

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Comments on: "How To Find And Keep A Man" (4)

  1. Yeah, yeah, looks don’t matter! Easy to say when you’re such a beautiful couple!

    In all seriousness, this is all true, especially the part about treating him like a king. If you put your man up on a pedestal, he will run through a brick wall for you.

    Maybe do one for us guys about keeping a girl? 🙂

    • Thanks Stephen – I will try – but since I am female it will be more difficult. It will be a good challenge for me – thanks for the great idea! You are right about the ‘run through a brick wall’ – thanks for the confirmation!

  2. Great advice, Cindy!

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