Musings From A Musical Mind

A&P, COFFEE, SANTA CLAUS

Image by George Eastman House via Flickr

I found this cute article and had to share it with you!

 

I THINK SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they — with amazing calm — call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it’s an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:

  • Men can’t pack a bag.

  • Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

  • Men would feel their masculinity is threatened…having to be seen with all those elves.

  • Men don’t answer their mail.

  • Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”

  • Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.

  • Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

  • Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men…

  • Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

  • Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

  • Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.  But not St. Nick. Not a chance.  As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole’s version of “The Christmas Song,” it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she’d quit dressing like a guy!!!

Author Unknown

 

Have an awesome day!

 

God Bless

 

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Comments on: "Is Santa A Woman? Makes Sense To Me!" (17)

  1. Cindy, start a post on say- women – an why they are the most important human beings of the future. I am a male. I love women. No problem at all- so I am not marriied. NO PROBLEM – check this carefully- when a guys understands a woman- he has no problem and marriage becomes useless. Men like marriages. Women don’t. Right? I think I am right. I rather be free and love them all. Thhilk. SANTA! do you agree? I think he doesn’t…cool

  2. Nice post. Was fun. Happy Christmas.

  3. And… Ok forgive Santa- we love the fantasy

      • Santa is lovable character. Let’s not destroy the guy. Why? Red? It was OK in those days. Lucky-he isn’t wearing pink. We need fantasies. Life without an idea called Santa is – dull and lousy. Why deny the kids that little pleasure? SANTA- live on buddy. Give the kids all the gifts they want.

  4. And where did Santa get that beard from? Women and HO HO HOs? And Santa loved kids and his gifts are not for adult males.
    Ok. The next time I’ll get some kid to ask for a special gift from Santa. I’ll ask the kid to request a peek-a-boo. That should make things robustly clear.

  5. Eric Ehrman said:

    My rebuttal:
    1. 90% of my Christmas shopping is done. I hate the crowds so bad, I won’t shop during this season in ANY store.
    2. I’d love a rotating musical Chia pet under the tree. Who wouldn’t?
    3. Yes, there is the problem of the reindeer. T…hey would be tied to the sleigh. But the sleigh would also have a 454 engine w/ dual carbs and a blower!
    4. Getting lost…men know how to use a compass.
    5. Mrs. Claus would repack the bag because we all know it happens anyway.
    As for repointing the bricks, checking for carbon monoxide, straightening the tree…you got me there. Being caught dead in red velvet…ok. I would imagine all those elves would do alot for a mans masculinity. Stocking…ok, got me there, too.
    Maybe it a good thing that Santa is married. I really don’t think a single guy or gal could pull it off alone.

  6. Love it and. . . .AGREE!!!! I will have to repost on my FB status as everyone I know needs to read this!!! (Well, the women, that is. LOL)

  7. Oh this is hysterical! Thanks for posting it, Cindy!

  8. […] Is Santa A Woman? Makes Sense To Me! (via Cindy Holman’s Blog) I found this cute article and had to share it with you!   I THINK SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast ma … Read More […]

  9. How Funny and True!

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