Musings From A Musical Mind

My Truth

A father and his daughter, 1923

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I’ve been watching the reality show about Ryan and Tatum O’Neil on the OWN station – the tumultuous father and daughter relationship resulting in a separation and silence for the past 25 years.  They both agreed it was time to put the past behind them and try to begin again to rebuild their lost relationship – through this series on cable.

It has been very interesting and heartbreaking at the same time.  To get a glimpse into someone’s pain is never easy – to feel hope for them as they talk and uncover much of their difficulties – and why things went so bad for them.  Through counseling, alone and together, they are getting to the deep issues which caused their separation in the first place.

But what I’ve noticed is this:  We all have our own truth.  It is ours.  

Truth cannot be negotiated or argued.  It is different for everyone.  It is something that we believe about ourselves, others and our situation.

In having my truth – I am not saying that you do not have yours as well – but my truth – is my truth.  It is my version of the story – it is what I believe in my heart of hearts.

We do damage to ourselves and others when we try to rewrite their truth for them.

When two people have different “truths” – and will not validate the other for having their own unique truth – there can be no settling of accounts – no matter how much counseling they have.  And at the end of the day – their personal truth will be all they have.

I really believe with all my heart – that all people just want to be recognized and validated for having their own truth.  No matter how weird it may sound.  Even if you think you know better and think they are ALL MESSED UP.  We want someone to say to us, “I understand.  I get how you could feel that way.  I see you”  So often we never get that response that we are seeking.

All Ryan needs from his daughter, Tatum is this:  “I see you Dad – I’m just as much to blame as you are”  And Tatum needs to hear Ryan say, “I take ownership in my part of our separation.  I made many mistakes and I’m sorry you felt abandoned”  Isn’t it too bad – they will probably never be able to really say those things to each other – too much history – too much blame – too much sadness.

I am glad to know this:   The only solid place for me to go when regarding the “truth” is Jesus. The Bible tells me that He IS the Truth and the Life.  And with so many personal “truths” out there – varying with every person on the planet – He is the only constant who never changes.  I can run to Him – feel that acknowledgment and validation from the source – the creator – who holds My past with all of its regret – the present with all of its unanswered questions – and the future with all of its secrets, not yet revealed to us.  When others shun, devalue and withhold from us – He is there holding out loving arms of truth to me.

Do you allow others to have their personal truth?  Do you feel validated from others?  Have you acknowledged Jesus to be the only real truth in your life?

God Bless


Comments on: "My Truth" (18)

  1. I cannot remember what movie I was watching the other day – but the detective showed up and said, “I want to hear your version of the truth.” As if everyone had their own version of the truth packed away.

    You are dead on right in your blog post, Cindy. I fear the day when I stand before my Creator and He says, “Here’s the truth, Ray. Here it is, stripped of your sinful nature, your pride, your presuppositions, and your desire to protect yourself.”

    That’s why in the past two years it has been so important to me to humble myself and give myself to everyone I’ve hurt. I would rather give myself to their version of the truth and validate them and say, “I’m sorry” than to protect my version of the details. Between you and me and anyone who reads this, it sucks. But what I find is that when I do that, it brings healing.

    I also find comfort in John Calvin’s statement that has been misquoted as “all truth is God’s truth.” The actual quote is this: All truth is from God; and consequently, if wicked men have said anything that is true and just, we ought not to reject it; for it has come from God.

    If anything is true in this world, it is because God has made it so. I can’t make something more true because I want it to be true or because I saw it, witnessed it, or held on to it with great passion. It is true because it belongs to God. Even if the wicked see truth, it is because they happen upon a truth of God. We should delight in truth not because we see it, but because it belongs to God.

    Dangit. Sorry for the sermon, but this book writing is getting to me.

    • I LOVE this Ray. You can preach me a sermon ANYTIME! I love that quote from John Calvin – and you’re right – it is often misquoted. Makes more sense the right way – and the bottom line is always that God’s Truth is undisputed – no matter what we believe or feel. Hurry up with your book – can’t wait to read it!

  2. I learned just a few years back that truth. My weakness is to be able to argue pretty well with facts to support my side of things. In the end, it means nothing. In fact it causes damage with those we love. I’m a little better at not having to be right or prove it. Giving someone else the freedom to feel what they feel and be justified in it is huge.

    I know that with all the skill of arguing i might have, I can’t argue with the fact that Jesus Christ is Lord of all. When I feel to full of myself, I think of Job. “I spoke of things to great for me to know, I repent in ashes”…

    Good one Cindy. My brain hurts…

    • Sorry to make your brain hurt 🙂 No – I’m actually not. 😉 It’s good for you – as it is for all of us – and I’m glad that like me – you’re realizing that we can argue about things until we’re blue in the face – but everyone still has their own version of truth. But God is the ULTIMATE TRUTH 🙂 Making peace with all people means allowing them to have their truth – while still acknowledging that God is the only real TRUTH in our lives – even though our stories experientially may change.

  3. You did a great job of showing how His truth reigns over any of ours. He is faith and just, holy and perfect in His ways. He is in fact the truth. In a world full of lies and half truths, it is comforting to know we can trust Him.

  4. He is the truth and the truth sets you free…and so does forgiveness. I grew up in a abusive home, suffered many years of cruelty by my father. Years later when God asked me to forgive my dad…the healing came. Forgiveness always sets you free…that is the truth.

    Thanks Cindy for a great reminder!

  5. Such wisdom here! Yet most of us struggle with this at one time or another. I’m just so glad that there is the Truth for everyone…no matter what we might individually believe.

  6. I don’t feel validated. My family is very judgmental and they always have 15 million reasons why you can’t do something and very few why you should even try it. So. . . without God, there wouldn’t be much. As to this show, I don’t really like reality shows like this. Why does everyone feel the need to air their dirty laundry in public? I guess Andy Warhol was right about everyone wanting to have their 15 minutes of fame. It’s a long 15 minutes, though, at times.

    • I’m sorry you feel that way Carla – you need friends to validate you when your family won’t. I have found many wonderful friends in my life that do this for me – in person and online 🙂 I know you totally speak my language and I hope that I am able to do that for you too 🙂

  7. So true. He is truth – it’s His nature!

  8. Cindy, this touched a nerve with me; in fact, I believe I dealt with the same issue in my guest post on Alise Wright’s blog today: The Lie of Insignificance. That issue being–in your words–confusing my truth for the Truth.

  9. Cindy, you’re right. We each have a truth that is a part of our lives and experiences, and then there is Truth that is eternal and unchangeable. When we confuse our truth for the Truth, we hurt ourselves and hurt others. I can accept that someone doesn’t see it the way I do, and it doesn’t have to feel good. There are more important things that can bring us together instead of driving us apart.

    Thanks Cindy.

    • The right response is so important when dealing with others and I’m still learning this. Everyone longs to have those that they have felt hurt from – to come back and say words that validate personal truth. This rarely happens. This is what keeps people apart – because we are only an expert at seeing things from out of our own lens. Thanks Jason.

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