Musings From A Musical Mind

When Others Wrong You

“Living well is the best revenge.” 

George Herbert English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 – 1633) 

Asking For Forgiveness

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

 

I heard this quote a while back.  I can’t remember where.  But it struck a chord with me.  All of us at one time or another have had an uncomfortable situation with another person.  A situation that leaves you feeling – well – confused, upset and sad.  Some of those same situations do much more than that – they make us ANGRY and wanting to retaliate.  Sadly, I have not always kept these feelings to myself and I have been angry and said things I should not have said.  But honestly, for me – silence or a soft answer is the best method.  It seriously will drive that person crazy!   Killing them with kindness and all that jazz 🙂
For me – I have not always been able to control what others say, think or even how they react.  If we look out through the  lens of our own uncertainty and insecurity – we at least know our own personal limitations and can anticipate an outcome.  But when it comes to guessing how others are thinking – we can expect  to get it wrong most of the time.
There was a time not long ago that a situation with another person caused me to look at things very differently.  I can no longer assume people always have my best interest in mind – or always have my back.  I’ve learned not to take things lightly.  I’ve learned not to presume that everyone who seems kind, sensitive and helpful – really is.  Sometimes things have happened and I’ve found out the very character of the person I thought was incredibly different. 
A while back it troubled me.  Really troubled me.  Now I just look at the incredible opportunity for growth and character in me.  I know that not everyone is going to react to stress and trouble in the same way that I do.  I can’t control the way people think, the way they were raised and the role models, both positive and sadly, negative that they have had.  And I’ve learned that while my heart wants to help and even rescue and change someone to be healthier and more positive – I just can’t do it.  Only God can fix the very broken and heal the heart.
When someone hurts you – it is often because they themselves are hurting.  If they are not healthy and whole, they will often lash out, retreat at the first sign of trouble or make themselves the victim.   Even those you thought you knew really well.  Even those who thought would protect and never hurt you.
It is sad but true.
One thing you can do  is come to a place of real deep forgiveness.  Even if the other person never forgives back.  Even if the other person cuts you out of their life and acts as if you are the problem.  When we forgive – it is for us.  It is a healthy place to live.  Forgiveness says, “You do not owe me anything – I freely forgive the pain and other things creating a wall between us.  I choose not to remember what you have done to me any more.  I value you above all the circumstances and pain.”  Forgiveness always gives a second chance.  Forgiveness always finds a way.  Forgiveness always reconciles.
The other thing to do is this:  Live well.  Do not allow the grievances of the past to control you.  Continue to grow as a person, to value others and not be afraid to love again.  Love is always a risk.  But a risk worth taking.  In living well – you are an example to the world of God’s love and forgiveness.  You will feel better and live longer.  That is a promise.
Try on a little forgiveness today.  Take on a ‘short-memory’ when others wrong you.  Start each day as a new day of opportunity and a find a way to bless others.  It is truly the best revenge.

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another: merciful, forgiving one another, even as God hath forgiven you in Christ. 

God Bless
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Comments on: "When Others Wrong You" (8)

  1. Wonderful story, Mikey. 🙂 And great article, Cindy. There are some that say reconciliation is not a necessary part of forgiveness. I believe, though, that if two people actually DO forgive one another, reconciliation is the inevitable and natural consequence of that God-given sort of love.

    • I agree. Both have to forgive and be willing to take that step toward reconciliation or else it’s a mute point. I speak from experience here – but I am still hopeful that an old friend of mine will eventually be tired of running and hiding and remember the friendship instead. Until then I just keep praying and being patient. Hey thanks for the great comment and finding my blog 🙂

  2. I have always loved the quote you posted above!! In fact, I have lived by it a few times!! I’m glad I found you!! ~Jen

  3. Cindy,

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading ”When Others Wrong You” and brought back not so pleasant memories during my many years in the U. S. Navy, when a few individuals who seemed to be kind, sensitive and helpful, really weren’t. However, the Spirit of the Lord reminded me of an article that I read numerous years ago, which I will share with you, because it pertains to my post on forgiveness and yours. An American who, in the heat of wartime, almost killed her. She’s Vietnamese, and when the napalm started to fall from his plane, she ran for her life. Perhaps you’ve seen the Vietnam War picture of Kim Phuc, running in terror from her village, hoping to escape the horror of the napalm that was burning her skin. The man in the plane was John Plummer. Assured that no civilians lived in the village, he had ordered the attack.

    According to a story in the Minnesota Christian Chronicle, Kim Phuc was invited to Washington in 1996 to speak at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. As she spoke, she said she would forgive the pilot if they were to meet. Incredibly, John Plummer was in the audience. He had heard that Kim would be there, so he came to hear her speak. After the ceremony, the two met. Plummer repeated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Kim replied, “It’s all right. I forgive.” So, how could she forgive the very person responsible for scarring her for life? Kim had become a born again believer in Christ since the Vietnam War, and so had John. They understood forgiveness, how to give it and how to receive it (Colossians 3:13, “Even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do”). They had been forgiven by Jesus, and they were allowing the cycle of forgiveness to continue. We must always remember that when it seems we can’t forgive, remember how much you’ve been forgiven.

    Blessings to you and family – Mikey

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