The other day I was having trouble with a web browser on my computer – it wouldn’t let me do certain things I had always been able to before – for some weird reason. I tried to ‘uninstall’ the program so I could go back to another web browser. It would not ‘remove’ – no matter what I did. Stupid, stubborn thing. So I enlisted help from an online computer ‘fixer’ guy – in association with Microsoft products. I was immediately put in touch with a guy in their web chat room so he could access my problem and help me remove my stubborn program.
It was determined that there was a corrupted file making it impossible to remove it without help. He said he would have to get my permission to ‘take control’ of my computer and find the problem. I was okay with this having had something similar in the past where a ‘techie guy’ took control and ‘fixed’ my problem for me. But anytime someone asks you to ‘give up control’ over something – it is always a risk. What if he gets into something and messes it up? What if he isn’t who he says he is? What if he’s a ‘stalker’ and looking for personal information? What if he’s an identity thief? I know I called him – but you NEVER KNOW, right?
Well – long story short – I decided to trust him. I needed him to fix my problem and I had to trust him. It is ALWAYS a weird feeling to have someone tell you, “please don’t touch your mouse while I’m working” and then sit back and just watch. It was fascinating watching how quickly he went to certain files and fixed them – or deleted them. It took his expert trained eye (having done this repair work so much) to find the problem areas and solve them. I tried to keep up – making many ‘mental notes’ to myself to try to learn what he did so I could help myself in the future and not have to call on anybody to help me. But sadly – I’m unqualified for the job. It’s over my head – and it’s best to give up my control to someone who knows better.
As I pondered the experience – I was keenly aware of the similarities this had to my spiritual life. Not everything is a practical lesson – but this one was. So many times I have tried to ‘fix’ something in my life – or in someone else’s life – only to be in WAY over my head. But I like to think that I can do it – because if I’m really honest – I don’t like giving my control away. Even to God. By admitting I can’t do it – or that I’m weak – somehow I think that HE is going to do something that I wouldn’t be as happy with. Maybe He’ll ‘fix’ the problem in a way I don’t want Him to. Maybe He will remove people from my life just like deleting files that are corrupted on my computer – and I don’t want Him to. Or maybe He will fix an area with another person that I’m not ready to forgive yet.
When we give over our control to Him – we cannot take it back while He is still working. He whispers, “please don’t touch anything while I’m working” and we must be content to sit back and watch Him work – going quickly over the areas of my heart and mind that need to be ‘fixed’ and ‘changed’ – and removing things that are making me unhealthy and slowing me down. It is quick work when I ‘give up my control’. The slow part is me – allowing it. Allowing Him total access. Admitting I can’t do it alone. This is the tough part. This is the scary part. He always knows how to solve them.
I am on a journey. I am still learning this. I’m learning that when He cleans something – it is clean. When He deletes thoughts and people from my life – they must stay that way. And when he fixes what it wrong with me – He does it from the inside out – encouraging me to stay close to Him – willing to ‘give up my control’ at a moments notice when I should try to stray away. His unbelievable grace does not keep reminding me how inadequate I am – instead He encourages and restores with amazing love.
My prayer for you today is this: that you would learn to ‘give up your control’ and watch some amazing things happen in your own life. Surrendering control – one step at a time – and really trusting that He can do a much better job of ‘fixing’ those areas that you try so hard to hang on to. Watch Him solve your situation as you let it go. Let go of it – do it today.
So yesterday – after an EXHAUSTING amount of time on the phone with my internet provider – my computer problem is FINALLY SOLVED.
Problem? Faulty wireless router
Solution? Bypass the router – go directly from the computer into the modem.
Now this would be simple – if we didn’t also have Greg’s office upstairs and his precious laptop. We use the router so that he can also have internet upstairs. So while we wait for the new one to arrive – we will have to “share” the internet by disconnecting and reconnecting the chord – or going completely insane – which ever comes first.
Shawn, Greg and I were noticing there was a problem – for some time now. We keep “resetting” the router – or restarting the computer – both of them – to see if we could solve it – or somehow will this sick and dying router to BE HEALED and work properly. I think we were all in denial. Even when calling to try to find out why the computer wouldn’t load my internet server – the three service people weren’t too bright either – because they had me do a series of crazy “quick fixes” – which worked for a little while – and put a band-aid on the problem – but did NOT solve the issue permanently. It was only when the 4th person took in all the information and then went right to the source – that I was able to find the actual problem.
If only there were such simple solutions in life as just “bypassing a router” and getting on with things. *sigh* We all know that isn’t possible. Maybe that would end our frustration. Maybe and maybe not. Sometimes we are also in “denial” – we think somehow if we can just ignore it – or worse yet – try to will the “sick and dying” thing to heal itself and function properly. But some things we cannot heal. Even as much as we want it. And we have to accept that. Go right to the source. And disconnect. Totally bypass. And get on with our lives. This is a great mystery. This is a great dilemma. This is called wisdom – and life. And for me – it’s the way I must live. I will not go back.
I am praying for all my friends today – that you will never go back. That you will surround yourself with healthy and positive people who believe in you and will not hinder you – emotionally or in any other way.
There is a handy little cleaning device on every computer called the “defragmenter” – and if you click on it – it will ask you which drive that you wish to defrag. You pick a drive – usually your “C” drive – and push the button and away it goes. The purpose of this little juju bee is to get rid of “dead space” on your drive and to make your files more compact – thus creating more open space.
So yesterday when I was having computer issues – I ran a few scans – used the “nCleaner” and cleaned out some temporary files. Still – it was sluggish and not cooperating with me – wouldn’t load my mail – or browser – so I decided to run the “defragmenter” while I slept – and when I woke up this morning – it was like magic – my computer was up and purring along like a kitten.
So I’m thinking…a dangerous thing to do. Is life a little like this? And if our computer needs “defraging” – does that mean that over time it gets “fragged”? What exactly would that look like for me? I’ve been “frazzled” and “fried” at times – but “fragged”? Does that mean I have too many temporary files and junk clogging up my heart and mind? Too many useless emotions? Too much time spent on things that are slowing me down? Do I need a monthly “defragmenter”? Maybe even a weekly or daily one?
For me – when I spend time alone in deep reflection – and I spend time with Jesus – it is like a “defrag” for my heart and mind. As I “unload” on Him – He is faithful to remove those things (if I am willing to let go of them) that are useless to me. Those things that rob me of happiness and deep joy. Those things that “slow me down” so I am not operating at peak performance. In my devotion this morning it was suggested that we are never alone when we are by ourselves – as long as we know Jesus as our personal Saviour – He is always with us – even when alone. And it is through Him that we can find a rejuvenation for our weary hearts and minds. When “dead space” is removed from our hearts – and He begins the work to compact things (ourselves) together to give us more room in our hearts to reach out to others. To be an encouragement to those around us – as we are less focused on us.
Do I want to “defrag”? Yes. You bet.
Have a wonderful day – try a “defrag” session yourself – get your heart and mind cleaned out of all the “clutter” – and see how much more room you will have for others.
I am finally able to make music print. Well not me personally – my computer actually is doing the work – with a little help from the printer. I am just supervising the project.
It is AMAZING what happens when two components actually “make nice” and play together. And they said it COULD NOT be done. Well folks – I’m living proof that THEY – (whoever they are) were WRONG.
We were beginning to think that my digital piano was FEMALE and my computer was MALE. And in that – was the whole problem – lack of communication. But I have since learned that this is silly – and even components – like men and women can communicate – at least sometimes.
Yup – the right software – the right connection and mediator (the midi cord) and I was in business!
I wish relationship problems with people could be solved so easily. Just get the right program – get on the same page – make the proper adjustments – allow for personality – add a heaping dose of common sense and lots of love – lose the attitude – and self righteous judgmental spirit – and just simply FIX the issue – once and for all. If only.
I find myself thinking, “How long Oh Lord”. Because I am not patient by nature – it is terribly hard for me to wait it out. But I have learned something – it is when things are hard and we go through rough patches – that’s when we really grow – and more importantly the deep work in our heart and lives becomes visible.
So I would NOT trade away my difficult moments – (and many more than just moments) because I know He is working in me to produce something through the pain – through the loss – through the struggle. And I find myself smiling at the irony of life. And at the timing of circumstances in my own life. The choices I have made – the hand of God on my life even through those choices – and the people I still miss today.
Take heart my friend – if you are going through something today. Know that something is being produced in your life and heart – and you are being prepared for something to come. I absolutely believe that – with all of my heart. Take a moment to smile and remember how valuable you are – and how much you are loved.