Musings From A Musical Mind

Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Just When You Thought It Was Safe…

Yesterday Greg performed a funeral service for someone we had known for several years – who had recently lost her husband to cancer.  While at the service, one of the senior ladies came up to him and told him she was getting married again.  “I finally landed him” she said of another man who was recently widowed.  Well this gave us a good laugh and proves once and for all that anyone can get married – at any age – love seems to have limits or requirements – and let’s face it – most people don’t want to be alone.  They would rather marry again  – anyone rather than be alone.  So this sparked a very colorful and fun conversation and got us really thinking about what it would be like if something happened to one of us and we found ourselves single again.

It came up because we were marveling at how people can go back after being married to the same person for so many years – and start over and date.  Now mind you we have been married for 30 years this September and neither of us have been on one of those ‘dates’ in more than 30 years  – Oh we date now – sweet little outings that are more about connecting and romance then they are about getting to know each other like on a first or second date – but we haven’t ‘dated’ in years – in fact I’m not sure we ever did.  I’m not sure I would know how.  We went from being friends into a relationship pretty fast back in college and sort of skipped over that part.  I would have to say that my last actual ‘date’ was with some creepy guy at college who asked me to the spring banquet.  I didn’t think he was creepy until that evening – but none-the-less  it is my memory of that evening – and the last real ‘date’ I was ever on.

I think ‘dating’ is highly over rated – not for the faint-hearted – and certainly something I would probably avoid altogether if I was back in a situation that left me alone and single.  Let’s face it – there are some pretty scary people out there.  I know.  I’ve had some of these people as friends over the years.  I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if married to one of them.  And let’s face it – someone can appear a certain way as a friend and then be completely different in real life – the daily grind, living, paying bills, through sickness and financial reversal.  And getting to be comfortable again with someone else – hard to do.  I mean – can you imagine it?  I can’t.

And so there we were – having one of those moments trying to take it all in – imagining what would happen if something should happen to one of us – and force the other one back in the ‘dating pool’ – just when you thought it was safe to be single. I teased him and told him he would have all sorts of women coming out of the wood work to get a shot at him – I’m sure they would come, it’s hard to find a decent hardworking man who is good-looking, kind generous and so on  – he’s a find for sure – and a minority in the sea of so many single women. He’s so great that several years ago I had someone even picked out for him to replace me upon my ultimate demise – a wonderful single gal from our church who was recently widowed with a small son.  And then she ruined everything and up and got married!!  Can you believe that?  We’ve had many laughs over it – in fact I even told this woman about it – and she was flattered – she got married to someone else – but still flattered 🙂  Man – can’t anyone wait anymore?  Sigh.  I have found NO ONE since her.

But I do applaud all those friends in our lives that have chosen to be single. It is not for everyone – and I think it takes real courage to remain so.  But there’s no one I admire more than the person who finds themselves single again due to a death of a spouse or a bad divorce.  Being ‘out there’ again is scary.  It takes real-time to grieve and grieve properly and fully before being ready to try again.  But we have known some of these wonderful people who have actually found love a second time around – and no one deserves it more than they do.  It should give all of us hope that God is really a God of reconciliation, love, forgiveness and second chances.  I love that about Him.  These wonderful friends somehow pulled themselves up  – went through all the ‘first dates’ and scary things that all single people have to do – and still they were able to work through all those emotions and find someone wonderful 🙂  Is there more than one special person for everyone?  You bet!

But as for me – I’m way too picky.  Greg has spoiled me for anyone else.  And No – he hasn’t picked out any guy for me upon his ultimate demise.  Men don’t do that – being territorial and all of that.  And he thinks no one could take care of me in the fashion in which I am used to – so it would be a moot point.  So I’m afraid it would be up to me in that case.  I’m sure I would be lonely but would also enjoy being single and not be anxious to be on that train again and be ‘out there’.  I have a few girlfriends who feel the same way – being in another relationship is simply not an option for them right now.

We’ve all heard the horror stories of how people actually change – just when you think you know everything about them.  Those that did not give it enough time – and they find themselves in a relationship with someone who turned out to be abusive or controlling – changing personality just when they thought they knew them.  That’s not for me.  I would have to know someone as a friend for a long while – to feel that I knew him through all the different seasons of life.  I don’t think I would ever ‘date’.  Nope it’s not for me.

For those of you that have found that special love a second time around – after being ‘out there’ – I want you to know that I respect you and I’m so happy for you.  That takes such great courage to find another relationship that works and that makes you so happy.  You are true heroes.

And for those of you that haven’t – just remember you could always ‘date’ again – just when you thought it was safe being single… 😉

God Bless

A Kiss Is Just A Kiss…

Yesterday I was reading a very interesting article on kissing.  In this article written by a man happily married – he was explaining how a kiss is so important in a love relationship and especially in a married one.

I just had a few thoughts of my own on this.

First there are many types of kisses – and many cultures that express deep meaning in a kiss.  In some cultures a kiss in greeting is not unusual – on the lips sometimes but very often on each cheek as a way to say, “hello” – or “goodbye”.

We in America do not follow these rules – and in fact we seem to have our own ‘personal space’ rule.  We would think it funny – strange or even a little creepy if someone of the opposite sex (whom we are not married to) came up and greeted us with a kiss – unless it’s your Grandpa, Dad, Brother, or Uncle.  But anyone else – NO WAY!  It’s our ‘personal space’ again.

But a romantic kiss?  That’s entirely different.  A kiss from your husband is the best kind of kiss there is.  You really can tell so much from a kiss.  It’s intimate and warm and wonderful – when done right.  It keeps the romance alive and keeps you coming back.  As a woman – I would rather have a passionate kiss that hints of more wonderful things to come – then just about anything else he could do for me.  I love his back rubs too – for that reason.  Tenderness shared by two people – the human touch – so necessary!

There are many married couples that struggle in this area.  The passion and excitement have definitely gone out of the marriage and they have been reduced to an ‘arrangement’ of sorts – instead of a growing, healthy, passionate and intimate love affair – as is expressed rather graphically in the Bible – remember “Song of Solomon”?  I don’t think King Solomon could ever have been accused of not being passionate.  Or disinterested.  Was he ‘physical’ and proud of it?  You betcha!  This is what is missing today in most married couples that have been married for 20 years or more – it’s mundane, hard, tiring and not interesting anymore.

For you women out there in this situation, I say this to you – do something to turn that thing around!  We woman have so much ‘power’ in this department – and though the man is the pursuer and should be ultimately responsible when the ‘romance’ goes out – I say that the woman has so much to also take upon herself – if the romance is no longer there.  What are you doing to make yourself attractive to your husband?  Does he look at you anymore?  Why not?  Are you doing anything about it?  Do your eyes sparkle with fun and laughter when you’re with him”  Do you laugh together anymore?  Why not?  Do you admire him?  Hang on his every word?  Make him feel important?  Wear special outfits that you know he likes?  Be softer – more feminine?  How often do you kiss him?  Build him up?  Make yourself available for him?  Take his arm – cuddle up with him on the coach?  Men LOVE to be admired and to be touched. Often and by someone they love – it’s like a drug to them.  Touch him!  Often – even if he’s not used to it – he will get used to it with very little help – I guarantee it.  And you want him touching you and thinking about you, right?  Make sure you kiss him properly so that he does!

For you men out there – YOU are the pursuer – the one that presses in – the one that is all about the chase!  If you aren’t chasing anymore – you need to ask yourself a question:  Why not?  Women LOVE to be pursued – wanted and made to feel like a QUEEN!  Especially in the home – but it goes outside the home too.  Women love to be kissed – passionately. It lets them know that they are wanted and needed by you.  They love little ‘things’ – notes, gifts, actions and words that let them know you are thinking only of them. NOT just for physical love – although if you do this right – it will lead there – I promise.  Take care of her emotional need first – and then the physical can’t help but follow.  Don’t wait until she takes care of you – YOU take care of her first and see the rich payoff you will receive.  Woman love to be touched – especially by you – so TOUCH HER!  A smart man will touch often because he wants her to be thinking about him and not some other man, right?  So kiss her like you mean it – you want your kiss to be on her mind all day!

About a year ago I wrote on the subject “Men are Simple” and still believe that men have 3 basic needs – if you meet them you will have a happy man – eating out of your hands.  1) Admire them 2) Feed them 3) Physical love (sex) – nothing could be more simple!

But women are equally simple if you break it down – it is NO secret that women are relational in nature and much more emotional as a general rule.  They love the ‘little things’ – touches and kisses and words – actions that promote love and interest.  Make her your Queen – and she will be a happy woman – and a happy woman with her emotional needs met – will meet your emotional and physical needs.

I recently thumbed through some pages online of “The Sex Starved Marriage” by Michele Weiner-Davis.  I understand how important it is to have a happy, healthy marriage – so many do not.  By the title of this book alone – it says so much. We live in a society and culture that promotes passion and sex to the unmarried and even ‘affairs’ – NOT so much in a boring, long marriage.  But I want to challenge you today – do something more about your marriage – turn it around and have a wonderful, passionate, healthy and thriving marriage as an example for the world to see!  And like was stated in the article on ‘kissing’ – you can always tell a marriage that has gotten it right.  They touch and kiss – share secrets and smiles and have a certain glow.  Love makes woman beautiful – and men young-looking and sexy.  Try it out – you won’t be disappointed – I promise.

Is a kiss just a kiss?  I think not.

God Bless

Graduation, Parties and Reflections

So today – we celebrated my son graduating from high school – he officially graduates on Tuesday to receive his diploma and wear his cap and gown – but since it is only a formality at this point in time – to us it is a ‘done deal’.  And so we celebrate.

I remember my own graduation from high school.  I was the emotional one in my high school class – and not too excited about leaving high school – I was happy there and very involved with the music program – Concertones and Jazz Choir and also pretty involved in drama.  I had friends and a former boyfriend I knew I would never see again once high school was over and was not anxious for that thought.  Some of my ‘guy friends’ bought me a box of kleenex as a joke and I found it in the music room with a note ‘for Cindy’ written on it as our class was lining up to take our ‘walk’ as graduates.  The year was 1979 – and the day was not much

My Senior Picture

different from today was.  Sunny and mostly warm – no rain and that meant we could have the ceremony out on our football field.  Our choir sang – I cried all the way through it – as we sang “Notes from Paul”.  I remember going to the “Top of the Inn” with my boyfriend and both our families after graduation.  The relationship I had with that guy didn’t last much past high school – but it was a special if not emotional day for me – I do remember that.

So much has changed – and now my ‘baby’ is graduating.  I don’t feel too much different from the way I felt 31 years ago this month.  It’s funny – when you’re graduating from high school – you feel so old and mature.  You don’t realize it is just the beginning of your life in so many ways.  Still so much growing up to do – so many things to experience – so much of life still to come.  I’m not sure what things are coming their way for my son – but if he’s anything like me – he will learn it mostly through life experience and not so much what people tell him.  He will make his own reflections some day – and perhaps become a musician and a writer like me – and look back on the day he graduated as a stepping stone to another place – and a new beginning for him.

Life changes so much for us from the time we’re 18 to when we’re parents and then onward to midlife.  Our perspective changes as life ‘happens’ to us – and sometimes the things we believed and held so tightly to – slip away from us.  And sometimes we find out things that we didn’t believe – are suddenly thrust upon us.  Sometimes life is gentle and kind – sometimes it is not.  We encounter those who make life better and easier for us – and those that hinder us and make life difficult.  It is through all of these experiences that we learn as each is something new and unique to our separate ‘journey’ through life.   We find that not everyone can go with us on some of that ‘journey’.  Sometimes we need to find the strength to take step toward our future – on our own – with no one beside us except the Lord Jesus Himself.  And if we let Him lead and guide us through that path ahead of us – we find we’re never really alone.  It is those times that shape our character and help us make it through the tough times of pain, conflict and heartache that is ahead of us.  There is also deep joy in trusting your life to your creator – and know that He holds you and won’t let you go.  And that nothing will be too hard to encounter with His help and guidance to make it through.  It is a wonderful thing to discover what your God-given talents and gifts are – and then to be able to use them to the best of their ability.  There is no greater joy than to find what you were designed to do – find someone who loves you for you – and to love them back – no matter what storms may come into your path.  To experience the love and grace of the Lord through those storms – and those victories – the deepest valleys and the highest mountains of your existence – the good and the bad – the ugly and the beautiful – and to feel safe – ah….the greatest feeling in the world.

Here is wishing you and yours a wonderful season of love and great reflections.

God Bless

I Have A Crush On My Personal Trainer

Yes it’s true.  I have a crush on my personal trainer.  He’s handsome and follows me around the gym.  He’s very attentive and seems to know just the right equipment and the right “weight” for me when doing my workout.  He’s patient and knowledgeable. Kind and funny too ♥  He’s also MARRIED.   It’s shocking!  But it’s okay.  He’s married to ME!!  ♥♥♥

Yes I’m lucky to have this strong handsome guy by my side doing a workout.  And I’ve learned that he’s actually pretty handy to have around when I can’t figure out how to work a piece of equipment – or put the proper amount of weight on it.  He even adjusts my positions for me so I won’t have to.  the women at “Curves”  NEVER  did this!  Who said that working out with just women was the only way to go?  I’m liking my guy to be with me while I struggle to try to get “in shape” and lose a few extra inches here and there.  Mostly here.  And I am determined to lose it!

I see him looking at me.  He can’t hide it – I see him smiling at me.  I’m not exactly in the best of shape yet – but He can’t fool me!  He is VERY charming – and such a sweet talker.  And it’s nice to know that I don’t have to look a certain way – or even be a certain way to impress him.  So I’d say it’s pretty mutual – and it’s also entirely applauded by everyone!  So…I guess it’s okay that he has a crush on me too ♥

I think I’ll keep him.  No one could ever have it as good.  And I don’t even have to pay him!  I get it all FOR FREE ♥

Hope everyone has an awesome day!  My wish is that everyone could have a personal trainer like me ♥  But I’m pretty sure he is just MY personal trainer – you’ll have to get your own ☺

God Bless

My Love List

There is an excellent book called “The Love List” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott that has a list of wonderful things for marriages.  In it they have things that couple should do once a day – once a week – once a month and once a year.  I thought I would take this list and add a few of my own personal favortes to it.  Enjoy!

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

E.E. Cummings

Once a day:

1. Find something that makes both of you laugh.  Humor has become the foundation of our  marriage – even in the rough patches.  Humor can relieve the tension – and even take the focus off of the negative and prevent us from being too self absorbed and selfish.  Those that are the healthiest laugh often and can even laugh at themselves.

2. Take time to touch.  Even if it is just a caress on the arm or hand – and kiss on the cheek  – it is still some physical contact that says much.  I am a “huggy” person – so physical touch is never hard for me.  If you don’t tend to be too physical – it may be just what your partner wants and needs – just a little squeeze for reassurance can mean so much.  Learn to be a FLIRT!!  It does wonders, that’s all I can say!

3.  Say something nice.  We can live off a good compliment for days – sometimes even weeks!  A kind word of encouragement is so endearing – especially from one you love.  This will boost their self esteem level and help them to be more positive and productive.  Our words are so powerful.

The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process.  It is an achievement.

David and Vera Mace

Once a week:

1. Have a date night.  More often than once a week if you can manage it.  It isn’t always possible at different seasons of your life – especially with young children, as that can get expensive – but budget for it – it is time and money well spent!  We are in a season of our lives where we have been dating much more often than once a week and it has changed and rejuvinated our marriage.

2. Plan to do active things together.  Maybe you both could take up golf or join a gym together.  Greg and I love to play golf – we played it before we had any children and we began to get back to playing it a couple of years ago – we need to do it more often!  It’s fun to play together!  Maybe just getting out for an after dinner stroll – or driving to a scenic place and doing some hiking and have lunch together.  All good stuff.

Spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.

Willard F. Harley Jr.

Once a month:

1. Plan your schedules together.  Find out what is happening during what days – what times are going to work for “dates” and when you’re going to be especially busy.  We do this now – sometimes even doing this on a weekly basis so we know how to plan – the schedule gets trickier when you are both self employed!

2. Take inventory of the previous month.  What worked?  What didn’t?  Talk about it – and make a conscious effort to spend more time to put the priority of you marriage at the top of the list.  Greg and I have literally spent hundreds of hours talking over the last year to make our marriage better.

3. Stay connected during the week physically and emotionally.  Be in tune to the other ones needs.  Greg has learned that I need emotional connection.  I need it all the time.  It has not been easy for him to stay alert and in tune – but he decided that it was worth it – and he says it’s been like going back to school and getting his degree in understanding me.  What a high compliment to me!  That he thought I was worth it.  That he would relearn some things that he had not been doing all through our marriage – that led to some misunderstanding and problems.  It was hard work – but he was determined!  Physical connection has been a bonus because of the hard emotional work.  We’ve become like a couple of teenagers – and I wouldn’t trade that away for anything in the world!  So worth it.  Talk A LOT!!!   Get really honest and authentic.  Do it.  It’s worth it – not always easy – but worth it.

Thrills come at the beginning and do not last…Let the thrill go and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills.

C.S. Lewis

Once a year:

Have a real vacation get away.  We try to do “mini” trips throughout the year – but once a year you should really go somewhere new and have a real “change”.  Plan for it in advance – put it on the calendar and then DO IT.  We like to go on cruises – we plan about a year and a half out – book it – put a deposit on it and then save for it throughout the year and a half.  We have been all over the place because we have not only talked about it – but we’ve been ON PURPOSE about going.  If you never plan for it – you will never do it.  This is our special “alone” time – just the two of us and it is not easy for us to share those times with others.

2. Don’t be afraid of change.  Change is the constant in this world and we must embrace it.  If we settle just for the “same old, same old” – that is what kind of marriage you will have.  You must stay current and be willing to listen more and talk less – truly make the necessary adjustments for our partner.  If we truly love and want to be loved back – you must resist the tempatation to take them for granted and think, “they already know how I feel”.  As time goes by it is even more important to do things for your partner to let them know that they are first priority.  If you do not do this – it can be like “death” to a marriage.  Ask your partner what you can do to be “better”.  And then really listen.  Make the decision that they are worth it to you.  Woman need emotional connection and a smart man will fill that need for her.  Men need physical love and admiration.  A smart woman will fill that need.  No one wants to be accused of not doing the best thing for the one they love.  Marriage problems begin because people stop doing these things.  They don’t pay attention anymore.  Don’t be that person.

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.

Simone Signoret

Here’s wishing you and yours a Happy Valentine’s week as you embrace a “Love List” of your very own.

God Bless

What Sign Do You Wear?

I love to observe people.  Love it.  I like to think of myself as a “student” of human behavior – and so I watch and learn.

We watched one of our favorite holiday movies the other night “One Special Night” with James Garner and Julie Andrews.  We have recited many of the lines from this movie over the years and when watching it again – I was reminded of many special things in it.

At one point in the movie – the two lead characters are stuck in a snow storm together – and have to “camp out” in a cabin they encounter while looking for help.  While getting warm and cozy they start getting to know each other – and “Robert” makes a comment to “Katherine” about women – and she wants to know what he meant by the remark.  He tells her, “women wear signs around their necks – they are subtle but men can read them very clearly. – 1) Available – 2) Available if the right guy came along – 3) Unavailable and last and easiest to read 4) High Walls – Guns drawn – Don’t Look – Don’t touch – Don’t even THINK ABOUT IT.”

We laugh every time we see that part of the movie – but it made for some great conversation as we thought about how true this is!  And not just for women – men are pretty easy to read too.  Their signs can be more subtle – but believe me – women know how to read them 😉

For example:  1) I’ve been hurt. This is usually pretty easy to read on both men and women – but easier for us women to read it in a guy.  This is usually something he hasn’t gotten over – a past relationship that went sideways on him – usually he was the one hurt by someone and can’t get over her.  The conversation is usually always about that event that hurt him – and even spends much of the time blaming others – and especially her.  This man has friends – but very few – because they are afraid that everyone will hurt them as well.  They like to talk about it sometimes and look for a soft shoulder – but they are carefully guarded and know just when to “pull back” so they won’t expose their real feelings and get hurt again.

2) I’ve got issues and complications. These men are often very funny  – to make up for the deep things going on inside – and humor is an escape for them.  It usually masks what is really going on inside and these men do not like people asking them a lot of questions about themselves that go too deep.  They often deflect and use blame.  Sometimes (depending on the personality type)  the high is really high – but the low is VERY low.  They use up their friends pretty fast – because if you are in the line of fire – then WATCH OUT.  Usually a typical response when they perceive that someone they love is going to hurt them – is to “duck and cover” – the old “I’m going to hurt them before they can hurt me” – is used often.  And running from a problem is like a comfortable old shoe.

3) The guy who won’t commit – This guy loves to have fun – and loves to date or even have a long term girlfriend – but does NOT want to be pinned down when asked about marriage or “settling down” – it makes him nervous.  I would stay away from this type of guy if I were you – means he might run out on you – you won’t be able to count on him when the going gets tough – or for the long haul.

What every girl REALLY wants is the next type of guy:

4) The well adjusted guy  – This guy does not fall into the above three categories.  This guy is even tempered.  He is simply a very nice guy – usually from a good family and with lots of friends.  He is usually married to a really great woman – the nice ones usually are.  But not always.  I know some really great single guys – who just haven’t met the right girl yet.  They are kind, generous and positive – they are “people magnets” – and everyone wishes they could be like this – and will say, “easy for him to be so wonderful – he doesn’t have ANY issues, past hurt or problems”  Well that’s usually not so – it is just that he has learned to use those things to make him more sensitive and patient to those around him.

My own husband Greg falls into this category – and I’m very lucky.  Greg has no “issues” he constantly has to deal with  – or make me pay for – and I’m glad.  It’s exhausting to be around people who are constantly challenged with “issues” and “problems”.  It does NOT mean that things don’t happen to him just like everyone else – some sort of “saint” or something.  No.  Hardly.  It’s just that he has chosen to rise above the “junk” in life.  And he is a happy, healthy person who has surrounded himself with positive people in his life – and a wonderful family and core group of friends that” have his back” and would do anything for him.

What sign do you wear?  What signals do you give off to people around you?  Remember people can read them pretty clearly.  Enjoy the music video below that someone made about the movie “One Special Night” and if you haven’t seen it – I encourage you to do it – you’ll love it!  ♥

“Doing The Puyallup”

So yesterday Greg and I decided to go to the fair – yes on a Tuesday of all things – we had a 2 for one coupon – and I HAVE to use my coupons!

It was a BEAUTIFUL day.  I mean – really nice – sunny skies – about 75 degrees – PERFECT for the fair.  When you walk in – like we did at around 10:30 – you can start to smell all the “fair food” – and you immediately get very hungry.  My friend Mike said it best today, in a comment on “The Park Bench” on facebook – when he said, “There’s nothing like the Puyallup fair – it just smells right”.  Or something along those lines – you need to read it for yourself to get his full essence 🙂

We took in the 11:00 viewing of “Weird Al’s brain” in 3D – which was really fun – had to wear the goofy 3D glasses – yes – there are pictures below 🙂  Then we HAD to find the piglets – they are for me the MAIN reason I go to the fair.  Not for the food – not for the crafts – not for the rides – it’s the PIGS.  Yes.  I am one of those.  See pictures below 🙂  We got lost trying to find the “Pig Palace” and asked someone who looked very knowledgeable about pigs – but turned out that he KNEW NOTHING!  He even told us there WEREN’T ANY PIGLETTS YET!  I about had a coronary right there – so we decided to “check out” his story – just to be sure – and low and behold – THERE THEY WERE!!  The sweetest little pink things you ever saw – with a HUGE Mother Pig!

After several pictures – it was time to eat and those onion smoothered burgers are the best in the world – also the most expensive in the world.  But who’s counting expense?  You’re at the fair – for goodness sakes.

After that we wandered through the craft exhibits.  I actually found the candle ladies – one of them had been in my home last fall showing Ashlee and me different candle scents for Christmas presents.  Well I needed more oil for one candle and a new candle for “fall” and they there were!  Very fun!  Greg and I “sniffed” candles for about 30 minutes or so and chatted with the ladies 🙂

Then we found the “Fischer’s Scone” wagon.  You just simply can’t go to the Puyallup fair without having strawberry shortcake 0r a scone with raspberry jam.  It would just be wrong. Then would you believe – we HAD to get a mountain of curly fries at “Monster Burger” before coming home?  Well believe it or not – we did it.  Yummy.  That’s all I can say.  And Greg STILL bought me an iced white americano at Starbuck’s on the way home!

Hope you get a chance to “do the Puyallup” if you live in the Seattle area.  It is NOT to be missed!


Clothes Shopping With Your Husband

IMG_3528I know what you’re thinking.  It’s an oxymoron.  It simply shouldn’t be done.  Ever.  At least NOT if you want to really find something to wear.  Most men HATE – (did I mention – HATE) clothes shopping with a PASSION.  Greg used to step into a mall and immediately a sort of sick feeling would come over him and he would have to find someplace to sit down.  I’m told that most Guys like to “hunt it down” and then “bag it up” and then LEAVE.  Well most of the fun for women is window shopping and trying on clothes to see how they look.  Men don’t understand that AT ALL.

So yesterday I had a “hot date” with my handsome agreeable husband – who’s been a real flirt lately for reasons that are most suspicious.  Anyway – he took me to a mall in our area – Bellevue Square.  And we went to one of my favorite stores to find me something nice to wear for our daughter’s dress rehearsal next Friday night for her WEDDING the next day!!!!  Wow.  I’m still trying to process this.  Can you tell?  But I digress.  Back to the story.  We are in the store and I had help from two very nice young ladies.  Luckily for Greg there is a nice soft chair for him in the dressing room area – and he was as happy as a clam – texting and emailing on his Blackberry while I tried on clothes and periodically came out to “model” them for him.  The young women found Greg delightful with all his comments and funny repartee’ especially one gal – who seemed thrilled by his attention 🙂  It was pretty cute.  But the good news – we were in and out of there in just over an hour – so it is all good – and I even found a new outfit 🙂

Then we were off to Macy’s to find Greg a new pair of jeans and a new white dress shirt for his suit.  Do you know THEY DON’T have a soft comfy chair in the Men’s dressing room?  How sick and twisted is that?  It’s a definite message that “women” should not be in the Men’s dressing room.  It’s a “guy thing”.  But since I don’t DO rules very well – I just sat on the floor.  I just want to take a moment to say that I think it is UNFAIR how guys can take a few pairs of jeans to the dressing room and every single STINKIN’ one of them fits PERFECTLY.  This is SO UNFAIR.  I have to try on at least 4 pairs to find the right one for my body.  Nope – they ALL fit Greg just fine – like a glove – like he was born to wear them all – but he CHOOSES not to.   It’s so stupid.  So all he had to decide was – which one was the best deal.  Well since they were all wonderful, sexy and PERFECT – it was not hard to choose.

I will have to add that we HAD to cross the street to the See’s Candy store first of all – I have a favorite chocolate – the butterscotch cream – and so Greg made sure that I got a couple of those before we even ventured into the mall – and before that he got me a coffee too – so we were all really happy campers – going in.  This was helpful while I was trying clothes on – and Greg kept telling me that he was eating ALL the chocolates while he had to sit there.

I think that this was a most enjoyable venture – and we even stopped by a sweet little bakery in the mall and shared a sandwich – and took a detour into a handmade soap shop called “lush” to end our evening.  That’s a really fun place, by the way – you should all go there and see the AMAZING products they have – I even bought Ashlee and Drew a honeymoon gift in there 🙂

Hope everyone is having an awesome day!

God Bless

How To Date Your Husband…

You know how it is.  You are married a while.  You get comfortable.  You even start to take each other a little bit – sometimes a lot – for granted.  You forget the “little things” that used to be very attractive about your mate.  It’s a stretch sometimes to remember the “good old days” of courtship, the fun days of dating and flirting.  Every marriage has the possibility of growing stale – and even losing emotional connection.  This can be very damaging – because it happens so slowly over time – you don’t even realize it’s happening.  No marriage is “safe” from outside influences and “boredom” from inside.  If you think to yourself, “it would never happen to me”.  Think again.  I’m here to tell you that not only can it happen – it does happen and it may affect you and your marriage at some point in your life – if you’re human – and if you interact with people.

Need a recharge to your marriage?  Are things just not very exciting anymore?  Do you look for excitement from other sources?   Have you taken your spouse for granted?  Have you forgotten why you fell in love with them in the first place?

I have an antidote for this.  Start dating your spouse again.  I know it sounds silly.  You say, “we already live together – why should we date?”  I used to say that too.  Oh Greg and I would occasionally go out on a weekend – and go to lunch together during the week – but it was simply having a meal together – not much “deep” conversation.  Just work or kids was the topic of what we talked about.

Dating.  It means getting to know each other all over again.  Going back to the beginning of why you connected in the first place.  All the “little things” and “little inside jokes” between the two of you – coming back into play.  The flirting and playing and being like teenagers again.  Dating does not have to be wasted on the teenagers and early adults.  No.  You should be having fun!  Decide that you’re  going to have fun!!  Laughing and enjoying each others company.  No expectations – just all the fun coming back into play.

We can become WAY too serious in this life.  And I’m not playing down stresses in our lives – we have all have them.  We’ve had a really tough stressful year – and yet – we have chosen to “date” again – and it’s really been sweet and fun and wonderful.  It’s like discovering something new – that has been there all along – just hidden.

We go places together now like we first used to when we first discovered each other 30 years ago.  Greg has been more attentive and caring than I think he ever has in all of our 28 years of marriage – and we have talked more in the last 8 months than in all the years we’ve been married too!!  That’s AMAZING!!

I would say – that you both have to really want to change and adapt throughout the different seasons of life and your marriage.  Don’t take anything for granted.  Make “dating” a priority.  Don’t let anything else – or anyone else get in the way of that.  And when you have this emotional connection – then the physical connection will be really wonderful too.

If you’re a married guy reading this – I suggest that you “date” your wife again.  You want some “spice” in your marriage?  Surprise her by being attentive to her – by wanting to emotionally connect with her.  Treat her like the most prized possession in the world!  Take her with you places – enjoy being with her – hang on her every word.  Listen to her heart.  Meet her emotional need to be loved and cared for – no matter what.  Tell her she comes first – not your job or anything else.  Ask her advice on things.  Take her advice and encouragement to heart.  Believe me – if her emotional needs are being met – you will have a very happy wife – and a happy wife – is a loving wife – and your love life will improve so much – it will blow you away 🙂

If you are a wife reading this – Meet his needs.  Period.  I wrote a blog many months ago called “Men are Simple” and have had many comments and emails sent on this subject.  Basically what I said in that is nothing new.  Men are simple with simple needs.  Admire them – they need to be the “Hero” in your life.  Feed them.  Especially something homemade from you – Men love to eat – be prepared for this at all times!  Physical Love – we all know what that is.  Fill that need.  When a Man’s basic needs are met – they are much more receptive to meeting yours.  I promise.  You want a happy Man?  Be the “fantasy” women of his dreams.  Sounds simple?  It is.  Why do we not do it?  Because life happens – stress and paying the bills.  We become way too serious – lose our sense of humor – have children and are tired taking care of the house.  But I promise you can turn it around!  Try laughing at his jokes more – encourage him to talk more about his job – ask him questions and let him talk.  Take an active interest in his life.  Men love women who do this.  Be more interested in him than you are in anything else – and I promise you will have results.  First it will surprise him – but then he will be so flattered by it – and by the attention – that he will be putty in your hands 🙂

What are you waiting for???  Start dating your spouse today!!!

God Bless

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