Musings From A Musical Mind

Archive for the ‘Love List’ Category

What I’m Most Thankful For

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I’ve been seeing status updates all month-long, on facebook – saying what people are thankful for.  I’ve even seen longs lists in various places by others, stating what they are thankful for.  But it was not until I saw my friend David put up such a complete and heartfelt list on his blog – that it really made me want to reflect on those things in which I am most thankful for.  And here they are – in no particular order:

 

1.  I am thankful for the love of a good man  (He’s loved me for 30 years – amazing)

2. I am thankful for my children who are young adults now with lives of their own – and who are finding their way and who both have a strong faith in God – and a great friendship with me and their Dad.

3. I am thankful for the opportunity to use my gifts everyday in music and I LOVE my students so much.

4. I am thankful for good friendships – both past and present and what I have learned from both – but especially the ones who stayed – you are the roots in my life.

5. I am thankful for Christian parents

6. I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ – that started at a very young age.

7. I am thankful for a discovery about myself that allowed me to be free to express myself without fear

8. I am thankful for like-minded believers at my church family – and especially my pastor Stephen and his wife Mandy.

9. I am thankful for Starbucks coffee

10. I am thankful for a fireplace in the winter

11. I am thankful for an outdoor grill in the summer

12. I am thankful for laughter – the daily medicine

13. I am thankful for facebook and my blog site to connect and reconnect with people from all over the world

14. I am thankful for Skype – so that I can see and hear my friends

15. I am thankful for my DVR that records programs I can’t see right now

16. I am thankful for my big screen TV for watching holiday movies and specials.

17. I am thankful for new facebook and blogging buddies – who have found a way of expressing ourselves that is quite unique to us.

18. I am thankful for a warm bed – with adjustable frame so I can sit up in bed and read or watch TV.

19. I am thankful that my husband still brings me a first cup of coffee in bed – after all these years.

20.  I am thankful for all my readers.  We are in a unique world of the written word – and if you have found  yourself here – you know a little more about me than most folks – because this is where I live and express myself.

 

God Bless

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My “Loathe” and “Love” List

Since writing my husbands “Loathe” list yesterday – it has generated much conversation here and with friends online – and I thought I would produce a list of my own and a contrast list – if you will:

1) I Loathe “miracle whip” (the taste makes me wince – only mayo for me)

2) I Loathe cooked cherries (especially cherry pie and cherry topped cheesecake – raw ones are okay)

3) I Loathe back licorice

4) I Loathe a “silence” or “cold shoulder” from a friend – with no explanation

5) I Loathe arrogant self righteous people – especially men are good at this

6) I Loathe water over my head (I can do a mean dog paddle – but am not a water baby AT ALL)

7) I Loathe people telling me what to feel like – or what I should do (making me feel like I’m about 9 years old)

8) I Loathe feeling helpless – not being able to “solve” an issue or a problem with someone or something  (Loss of control)

9) I Loathe waiting

10) I Loathe pain

But….

1) I Love music (especially easy listening romantic love songs – music with lyrics that really speak to me – and moving instrumental music)

2) I Love coffee

3) I Love open authentic people – with a healthy sense of humor

4) I Love humility in my friends (people who have blown it – have picked themselves up – have learned about how to forgive and be forgiven  – let it go and have moved on – and offer me the same)

5) I Love to laugh – a lot – many times a day

6) I Love my students

7) I Love my family and friends (I have many – but few really close ones)

8) I Love my life and make no apologies for being me

9) I Love the Lord with all my heart and soul

10) I Love to be “Queen” in my home – and to my husband

There you have it – I’m sure I have MANY more things I could add to that – but there are the basics.

Have an awesome day!

God Bless

March

I can’t believe how fast this last year has gone! March is here already. I love March – it has many great memories over the years. March is my birthday month – it is also the month I became engaged when I had just turned 20. Now 29 years later – it is with very fond memories that I look back – but also look forward too ☺

I have learned much over the years about how different people process important events in their lives – by knowing the 4 different personality types – and also by learning and studying the 5 love languages. If you are not familiar with those – let me list them for you:

1) Words of Affirmation

2) Quality Time

3) Acts of Service

4) Physical touch

5) Gift giving

Most of us – Okay – ALL of us make the mistake of giving what WE like getting. It is only natural – it’s what makes us – US. However it can feel very disappointing when things are not returned to us – in the same manner in which we are giving them – because – it may not – (and most likely IS NOT) their love language.

For example:

I love “Words of Affirmation” and “Acts of Service” the best. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like the other things – just not as much. Gifts are nice – just not MY love language. So I’m not a great card and gift person – but I do understand that others really like this – so I really try. I am an encourager so I will use my “words” to build up and encourage others. It is what I like – so it’s what I tend to give. But I’m also a very private person – needing quite a bit of space. And even though I love “physical touch” especially with Greg, my kids and my special close friends – I would also say that I love my times alone too. I tend to give people a lot of time and space – because it’s what I like. I don’t like to talk much on the phone either – I would rather write – because that’s where I’m more comfortable – and it allows me that “space” while still connecting. My family and close friends understand that about me.

My husband LOVES “quality time” and “physical touch”. He doesn’t like being alone – but he knows that I do – so he’s had to compromise on this point over the years – allow me some time and space by myself to regroup and refresh. He wants my TIME more than he wants my WORDS. And a hug and kiss go a LONG way with him. He gives me “acts of service” because he knows that it speaks to me – so he does MANY things around the house to help me. And since resigning his church position over a year ago now – we have logged HUNDREDS of hours talking – in the “talking room”. I have really needed this from him – and he has been willing to learn how to connect with me emotionally and to really listen. It has been great!

For others of you – it may be a card or a gift that you need to give someone. You may need to offer an “act of service” to someone you love. Or you may need to give someone some “space” – or some “time”. Find out what their love language is – and then do it!

Learn how others can recieve love from you – by learning what speaks to them. Do you like a lot of fuss on your birthday? My husband and many of my family members do. But I like things in a more quiet way for mine. I love the “words” from people – gifts are nice too – but I don’t like much fuss – it makes me uncomfortable. Celebrating with people close to me is the best – very quiet like. My husband knows this – and is great about making it special for me – in a way that speaks my “love language”.

How do you celebrate special occasions? Do others speak your “love language”? Remember we tend to “give” what we want to “receive” from others. Be sensitive to others today – be a “love language” expert to those closest to you today!

Have a super AWESOME March 1st!!

God Bless

My Love List

There is an excellent book called “The Love List” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott that has a list of wonderful things for marriages.  In it they have things that couple should do once a day – once a week – once a month and once a year.  I thought I would take this list and add a few of my own personal favortes to it.  Enjoy!

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

E.E. Cummings

Once a day:

1. Find something that makes both of you laugh.  Humor has become the foundation of our  marriage – even in the rough patches.  Humor can relieve the tension – and even take the focus off of the negative and prevent us from being too self absorbed and selfish.  Those that are the healthiest laugh often and can even laugh at themselves.

2. Take time to touch.  Even if it is just a caress on the arm or hand – and kiss on the cheek  – it is still some physical contact that says much.  I am a “huggy” person – so physical touch is never hard for me.  If you don’t tend to be too physical – it may be just what your partner wants and needs – just a little squeeze for reassurance can mean so much.  Learn to be a FLIRT!!  It does wonders, that’s all I can say!

3.  Say something nice.  We can live off a good compliment for days – sometimes even weeks!  A kind word of encouragement is so endearing – especially from one you love.  This will boost their self esteem level and help them to be more positive and productive.  Our words are so powerful.


The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process.  It is an achievement.

David and Vera Mace

Once a week:

1. Have a date night.  More often than once a week if you can manage it.  It isn’t always possible at different seasons of your life – especially with young children, as that can get expensive – but budget for it – it is time and money well spent!  We are in a season of our lives where we have been dating much more often than once a week and it has changed and rejuvinated our marriage.

2. Plan to do active things together.  Maybe you both could take up golf or join a gym together.  Greg and I love to play golf – we played it before we had any children and we began to get back to playing it a couple of years ago – we need to do it more often!  It’s fun to play together!  Maybe just getting out for an after dinner stroll – or driving to a scenic place and doing some hiking and have lunch together.  All good stuff.

Spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.

Willard F. Harley Jr.

Once a month:

1. Plan your schedules together.  Find out what is happening during what days – what times are going to work for “dates” and when you’re going to be especially busy.  We do this now – sometimes even doing this on a weekly basis so we know how to plan – the schedule gets trickier when you are both self employed!

2. Take inventory of the previous month.  What worked?  What didn’t?  Talk about it – and make a conscious effort to spend more time to put the priority of you marriage at the top of the list.  Greg and I have literally spent hundreds of hours talking over the last year to make our marriage better.

3. Stay connected during the week physically and emotionally.  Be in tune to the other ones needs.  Greg has learned that I need emotional connection.  I need it all the time.  It has not been easy for him to stay alert and in tune – but he decided that it was worth it – and he says it’s been like going back to school and getting his degree in understanding me.  What a high compliment to me!  That he thought I was worth it.  That he would relearn some things that he had not been doing all through our marriage – that led to some misunderstanding and problems.  It was hard work – but he was determined!  Physical connection has been a bonus because of the hard emotional work.  We’ve become like a couple of teenagers – and I wouldn’t trade that away for anything in the world!  So worth it.  Talk A LOT!!!   Get really honest and authentic.  Do it.  It’s worth it – not always easy – but worth it.

Thrills come at the beginning and do not last…Let the thrill go and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills.

C.S. Lewis

Once a year:

Have a real vacation get away.  We try to do “mini” trips throughout the year – but once a year you should really go somewhere new and have a real “change”.  Plan for it in advance – put it on the calendar and then DO IT.  We like to go on cruises – we plan about a year and a half out – book it – put a deposit on it and then save for it throughout the year and a half.  We have been all over the place because we have not only talked about it – but we’ve been ON PURPOSE about going.  If you never plan for it – you will never do it.  This is our special “alone” time – just the two of us and it is not easy for us to share those times with others.

2. Don’t be afraid of change.  Change is the constant in this world and we must embrace it.  If we settle just for the “same old, same old” – that is what kind of marriage you will have.  You must stay current and be willing to listen more and talk less – truly make the necessary adjustments for our partner.  If we truly love and want to be loved back – you must resist the tempatation to take them for granted and think, “they already know how I feel”.  As time goes by it is even more important to do things for your partner to let them know that they are first priority.  If you do not do this – it can be like “death” to a marriage.  Ask your partner what you can do to be “better”.  And then really listen.  Make the decision that they are worth it to you.  Woman need emotional connection and a smart man will fill that need for her.  Men need physical love and admiration.  A smart woman will fill that need.  No one wants to be accused of not doing the best thing for the one they love.  Marriage problems begin because people stop doing these things.  They don’t pay attention anymore.  Don’t be that person.

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.

Simone Signoret

Here’s wishing you and yours a Happy Valentine’s week as you embrace a “Love List” of your very own.

God Bless

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