Musings From A Musical Mind

Archive for the ‘Personal Truth’ Category

Freedom To Be Me

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god (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I was watching a Joyce Meyer video teaching this morning during my morning devotional time – as is my custom the last couple of months.  She is direct and motivating in her teaching style – and I appreciate that she speaks from a place of personal pain and victory – mistakes and repentance – experience and transparency.  She is quick to say how far gone she would be without the grace of God – His love and mercy.

Today she was talking about being ‘good to yourself’, getting enough rest, not overdoing, finding balance.  And appreciating those in her life that give her the freedom to be herself.

She told of how she has that kind of relationship with her own daughter, the two of them can have something planned – but if she has to cancel or just simply doesn’t feel right about it – or just doesn’t want to do it – there are no questions.  Her daughter just says, “fine – no problem, whatever you want to do”.

What freedom to have people in your life where you don’t have to explain yourself – you can just do or not do.  Sometimes we take this for granted – this is a HUGE thing.  Acceptance, no questions – just freedom to be me.  How rare a gift this is!

Life and people can bring expectations.  Unspoken (and sometimes spoken) list of expectations as to behavior, protocol and proper procedure.  Sometimes those that place those spoken and unspoken “rules” on us – are coming from their own place of insecurity,  lack of information and fear of losing control.  We tense up or “clam up” when around them.  And whether real or imagined – it seems real to us.

I love that God does not place any “expectations” on us.  He is not just some ‘big giant in the sky’ – or mean father above ready to pounce on us when we mess up.  He waits for us, like a gentleman.  He comes in love.  He pursues us at our own pace – because He knows us.

 There is no one that knows me like He does – and because He knows me, He also knows what motivates me.  He is an expert on me.  He wrote the “Master’s Class on Cindy”.  Even the closest people in my life have messed up in this area – because of their own personal perspective and agenda – but  GOD never does.  He treats me the same – loves no matter what – and gives me freedom to be me.

I’m glad to have a heavenly father who is easy to be around – peaceful and easy.  I do not fear that I cannot talk to Him about the things on my mind – my concerns and pain – my little funny quirks and thought patterns.  He knows it all – understands and still allows me to be me.

Even if you are not lucky enough to have people in your life that allow you this freedom (I am lucky, I have several) I am hoping you will allow the love of God to invade your chaos, your feeling that “nobody gets me” – or “nobody really understands me” and release that to the one who made you.  What you will find is one who knows you best and loves you most.  He wants you to experience that freedom. That freedom that comes from being uniquely you.

I am praying for you

 

God Bless

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More Of You

Renoir's painting of cabbage roses, Roses in a...

Renoir's painting of cabbage roses, Roses in a vase (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Working through the clutter

of another day

my busy mind

filling empty spaces

of unresolved conflict

put aside for another time

a time of never

Endless wandering

and straining

caught between justification

and resolution

More of me

Less of me

Coming alive in need

Being dead to want

The line that is held

and forgotten

Forced to a reckoning

where reason and intellect

have no place

A place of surrender

where God can speak

and be heard

a quiet whisper

in the dark

I am all questions

He is all-knowing

He understands

He gets

my need to know

and yet often withholds

Silently challenging me

confident in the love

that holds me

Knowing that even though

I struggle

I will once again

learn to lean

learn to trust

learn to accept

those things

which have proven

not acceptable

not trustworthy

not safe

And I will find another way through

another road to take

another way to forget

things I cannot leave

or stop wondering about

Am I the only one

who struggles with things

unexplained

and wrestles in the dark

with myself

my feelings

and things I cannot hide?

Will there ever come a time

where I can rest

not question

accept

and not fight

put aside my feelings

and just

trust?

As I put aside the clutter

for this one day

and learn to focus on You

I invite you to clean out

the corners of my mind

and throw away

those things not helpful

or useful

and fill every corner

with your presence.

I need more of you.

Amen

 

 

 

 

What Do Your Dreams Cost?

Today I had a conversation with Greg while taking one of our 2 mile walks.  It started when he said, “This seems like another great night for a fire!”  And I agreed.  It has been really chilly lately – was VERY cold in the house last night.  And I said, “you know what would really be nice?  If we could have a fan or blower so that all the heat from the fire wouldn’t go up the chimney”.

This statement of mine – which was part a “dream” and just “thinking out loud” – became a HUGE topic of discussion while walking along.  I had ignited a part of my very practical husband that was ready to both contradict me on what was needed – and recite to me the cost of having such a device, when “our fireplace works just fine!”.

It was both amusing to me – and then slightly annoying – as I was once again reminded of how different men and women are.  And not only that, but how the different personalities are within men and women.

I have taken the personality tests.  I am an “Otter” and a “Lion”  – which basically means I’m very social – but am organized and can take charge of a situation, clearly stating what needs to be done – all the while enjoying life, a good joke and people in general.  Otters are highly social – and usually can read a room really well.  You want a good positive and happy time – invite a few Otters.  Lions are great “idea” people – creative and innovative – great and enthusiastic motivators.  Want something done?  Ask a Lion.

My husband is also an “Otter” – but he has just enough “Golden Retriever” in him that makes him much more cautious about new ideas and situations in general – all the while loving engaging with people and enjoying life and a good joke.  His work ethic is off the charts (in my opinion) and our daughter, Ashlee takes after him in this way.  Golden Retrievers are peacemakers more than anything else.  Usually very laid back and happy.  It takes a lot to rattle their world.  They are loyal and agreeable.  But they are extremely cautious and careful – about everything.  He has a little “Beaver” in him too.  Beavers are great “workers” and do a precise job.  Want something done right?  Ask a Beaver.

Because Greg is careful and cautious – he calculates before he dreams and  often does not allow himself to dream with a reckless freedom, as I can.  He sees dollar signs and hard work.  I tell him, “it cost nothing to dream – a dream is just a dream”  The Beaver in him does every job in an impecable way – not satisfied unless it is perfect – and this takes time and patience and he is both.

Now I don’t know if I will ever get a fan or blower for the fireplace – it sure is nice to dream about it though, a fire that actually makes the room warm instead of going up the chimney.  And it’s amazing how many creative ways I can make “dreams” happen – either by looking online, asking others – or researching articles and seeing what others have done.  I’ve been lucky to find items for our home that have cost hardly anything – sometimes nothing at all!  And Greg has the skill and patience to bring it about when I find a deal.  We are a good team.

To me – it costs NOTHING to dream it.  But it is amazing what happens when we dare to dream – things are possible.

What are you dreaming?  Do you stop short because you are thinking about what it will cost you?  If it didn’t cost anything – what would you dream?

God Bless

Photo of a stone fireplace.

Image via Wikipedia

What Is Your Personal Truth? – Part Two

true! when u have faith! i saw this, and i wan...

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday I touched on a subject that is delicate.  One that is personal and can sometimes be secretive.  Ownership and a grasp of a deep and contemplative question:  What is your personal truth?  I explained it – and expanded on it just a little in an attempt to show how if we are not able to grasp that for ourselves – it is impossible to be totally authentic with God.

First – what does truth mean?  It can mean two things:

1.  Truth can be scary.  What if I admit something about my character to God that is less than what others believe of me – or less than I even have attempted to believe about myself?  What if God does not accept me when He finds out?  What if He rejects me?

2. Truth brings personal responsibility.  As long as no one knows – and I have cleverly hidden all aspects of myself from God – then I cannot be held responsible.  Once revealed for what it really is – I must take ownership and change the behavior.  There is no middle ground on this.  And this can be scary.

And although most of us believe that God is a loving God who forgives – whether raised in church or not – it is still easy to believe this in our head only – and not really believe it with our heart.  I mean – there’s a limit to what God will forgive, right?  Or what He will accept about me, right?  And so with this thinking it can be difficult to really come clean with things like:

Dishonesty

Failure (moral or otherwise)

Addiction

Greed and selfishness

Idolatry

It is easy to hide from things in the above list –  and not really admit or own it.

What if my personal truth looks like this?:

 I am a failure

 I am a liar

I am an addict

I am worthless

I caused someone I love to go away

I am not lovable

If God knew what I thought He would not love me

All of the above statements could be true in your life today.  But here is the really good news:

God has a different view of truth.  He is able to cut to the chase whether I am honest about myself to Him or not.  He will wait for a confession – and an admission of truth from me – He is a gentleman.  And when I allow Him to change how I see that truth based on His reflection of love and grace – I find there is no fear – only a far greater understanding of myself than I ever thought I had.  And it’s okay – because He loves me anyway – just the way I am – broken, full of sin and failure, unable to help myself or even be honest about it.

His personal truth for ME radically changes my life.

His truth looks like this:

I don’t see personal failure – I see a bruised masterpiece

I don’t see addiction – I see a wonderful freedom

I don’t see inadequacy and the feeling of worthlessness – I see a precious gift

I don’t see the sin – it’s been covered

God’s truth is better than my attempt at truth

God’s truth is better than my self-righteous claim

God’s truth does not have any room for my pride or feeling of entitlement

What I try to deny and hide from Him – He knows and will deal with me

God’s truth about me – is the only truth I need in my life.

God’s truth is the only thing that will change my behavior from the inside out.

His truth says:

I am worth so much – that He sent His son – to die for me. 

Wow.  Is it really possible that I’m worth dying for?  How can that be?

He values me

He loves me

I am worthy

I am validated

I am loved

And no matter what I do – I cannot change this truth about myself – as God sees me.  It is indisputable in His eyes.

Are there areas of your heart that you have not allowed God to shine His truth?  How long has it been since you were able to “come clean” with Him?

I am praying today that you would not believe a “truth” about yourself that is destructive and steeped in failure or inadequacy to measure up.  I am praying that you will confess these “truths” to God and allow Him to begin a new “truth” in your life today – a “truth” that He sees you as – valuable and lovable – no matter what.

God Bless


What Is Your Personal Truth?

truth

Last Sunday our youth pastor, Jeremy gave a great message from Psalms 79.  In the message he talked about being really authentic with God.  It makes sense and everyone would agree – and like me, you probably think – ‘I already do that by praying, reading scripture and pouring out my thoughts’.  But do you subconsciously hold back a little part of you – even though you KNOW He already knows about it?  Do you say, “this far God – and no more – it’s too humiliating and embarrassing and I don’t want to go there” It also may be that part that we don’t think God really knows about – so like a guilty, naughty child we hide it under the bed or in the closet, hoping He won’t look there – and won’t notice that we did not reveal everything to Him.

I am guilty of this.  Not consciously. But I have things in my life and heart that I feel God isn’t really interested in – can’t be bothered with and besides they expose me into feeling like less than I am – and for reasons I can’t explain – I hide them, don’t address them – pretend they are not there – and hope He will do the same.

A couple of nights ago – I began watching a documentary on the OWN station called, “Finding Sarah” the in-depth journey of Sarah Ferguson – the Duchess of York as she is more commonly known.  Along the way, Dr. Phil was brought in to help her and see if he could unravel the mess in her own mind – and discover what events led to her life today of regret and bad choices.  What stuck out to me was this question he asked her.  “What is your personal truth?  Everyone has one – it is what you think about yourself.  It is what others don’t know – but you believe”  She looked at him and said, “I don’t know”  he said, “well if you did know – what would it be?”  She thought a moment and then said, “I feel responsible for my mother leaving when I was 12 years old”  She also discovered another personal truth from his words.  He said, “you are addicted to approval and will do anything to get it”  That was a true light-bulb moment for her.

I thought about this.  A personal truth would be something we cannot hide from ourselves – but most of the time if we’re very clever we can hide from others – but not God.  And since God knows all of our hidden thoughts and ‘truths’ – then He would also know it, wouldn’t He?  That is the very basic way that we are truly authentic with God – by allowing Him into that personal truth about ourselves.

My personal truth is something I’m still trying to formulate into words – but I am not leaving God out of the process – and I know I will be healthier because of this.  I will not try to stuff it down and pretend that He does not know it.  I will bring it to the surface and together we will work on it – bring clarity and light into something that I have become very clever at hiding – especially from Him.  This is a step in being absolutely authentic with Him.  And because He has proven Himself to me time and time again – rescued me from myself and many a disaster – I know He has broad enough shoulders to handle any weakness and darkness and all my contrary and rebellious ways.  And especially my personal truth.

What is your personal truth?  Is is something you have tried to hide from God?  I want to encourage you – no matter how long your walk with Him – ask yourself if He has ever heard you confess that personal truth?  Can you trust Him to walk you through it?

I am praying for you today

God Bless

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