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Marriage Makes For Strange Bedfellows

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Greg and I have been married 29 years.  And I still find it a bit unsettling to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and come back to find him there – in my bed. You’d think I’d be used to the idea by now – but it is still a very foreign idea to actually be in the same bed all night with someone.  Marriage does indeed take many adjustments – and it’s all well and good when you’re in a vertical situation – but it is quite another thing altogether when you are horizontal.  And I’m not meaning that in any other way – than just plain sleeping.

I don’t think it’s normal and natural for people to sleep together – I’m more convinced of that than ever.  After all – ‘Royal’ couples never sleep in the same bed chamber (at least when they are  sleeping). And I think they may have the right idea.  They need their “beauty sleep” – and frankly – so do I!

Who started this strange assumption that just because you are married – you have to sleep in the same bed all night?  What kind of warped and twisted mind must you have to evoke that evil plan?  To thrust as it were, two innocent people together all night long and expect that there will be peaceful and effective sleep?  Two people with completely different sleeping habits and sounds?  I think those people need to be hung up by their toenails and whipped soundly until the idea leaves them entirely.

This morning Greg woke up – peered over at me in my sleepy state and grunted, “I HATE this blasted pillow!”  What pillow, you may ask?  It is the pillow that I purchased for him – the contour variety which is very good for the neck and back.  He hates it.  And we have the same discussion every night about it.  He has spent years trying to find just the right pillow – and so I finally intervened and bought the same pillow for him that I use.  When he uses it and elevates his head slightly in our adjustable bed – he doesn’t snore.  It’s wonderful.  It’s bliss.  It’s a kind of freedom that everyone should feel when forced to sleep with someone else of the opposite sex.  But he does not see it that way.  I catch him many times in the middle of the night having an argument with the pillow and I’ve even witnessed him tossing the pillow over the side of the bed – thinking I will not notice.  I always do.

He had me laughing so hard this morning because he was telling me of his nightly “woes” with the pillow.  He even reminded me that I have tried to teach him the ‘proper’ way to lay his head on it – (but he refuses to learn) therefore reducing any stress he might feel.  It is hilarious how stubborn he is about this pillow – and the way he chooses to put his head on it (or doesn’t as the case may be) – and I’ve had many a good laugh over this!  I mean – how hard can it be to put your neck into the contour – the pillow does all the work for you – if you don’t fight it!

Sometimes in the middle of the night it is so hilarious to look over – and then have the reality set in, “I am really married to this man – he looks really dumb”  (I’m sure everyone has thought this at one time or another)  Only at night, though – when he’s fully awake – and upright – he’s very handsome – it must be just in the dark or something – or maybe it’s the pillow.  I don’t know – I’m all confused now.

I like to sleep on my back – and sometimes my side so the pillow is excellent for me.  I’m also very quiet – except when I can’t breathe due to allergies – but that doesn’t happen too often, luckily.  Greg is pretty noisy – breathes loud – sighs loud – snores loud.  Greg like to “spin” and even (*gasp*) sleep on his stomach!  Horrors.  So the ‘pillow’ has cured him and even stopped his snoring – of which I’m delighted.  When he used to snore very badly (before the pillow) we even tried having him in a separate room at night for a few months – but Greg didn’t like it very well.  He was lonely and -Shhh – I think he’s afraid of the dark. So as long as he’s using the pillow and slightly elevated – all is well ☺ And we are back sleeping in the same bed at night.  What a blasted, unthinkable and horrible idea.  But it seems to work ♥  And we sure can see the humor in it and make each other laugh – so it’s worth it.
Except – he HATES the pillow.  Other than that – we are good.

Yes – Marriage makes for very strange bedfellows.

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The Something Box

I have decided that if Men can have a ‘nothing box’ then women should be allowed a ‘something box’.  It seems fair and right.  Oh I know a couple of my good guys friends are going to take issue with this – including my husband – because it is a well know fact that men are the only ones allowed a ‘box’.

But I want my readers to know that I am not in the least bit competitive by nature.  I even let people pass and cut in front of me on the freeway.  To me it is NOT a race and some crazy status symbol to be ‘King of the Road’.  I simply don’t care who gets ahead of me on the road – or even gets there before I do.  I have far too many other things pressing – and that seems very trivial to me.  So you can trust me when I say that my ‘something box’ was not just created to prove something to all the men in my life.  It is as real as your sorry little ‘nothing box’.  Only better.  Much better.

Now the ‘nothing box’ is undisputed as well – and anyone who is married to a man – or has a son – or both – knows what I am referring to.  It’s that blank look on their face when you are talking to them.  It can be in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden – they just ‘check out’.  Unbelievable.  I don’t think I would have believed it if I had not witnessed it hundreds of times over the years.  There is no one like a man that can do this with such skill and precision.  It’s a thing of beauty, really.

We have an eighteen year old son that still lives at home.  At least he sleeps here sometimes – Okay he drives MY car and EATS here.  That about sums it up.  He will come home from work, school or basketball practice and can be looking right at me – eye ball to eye ball – and I will feel like he’s totally engaged in my conversation – I mean he looks like he is – UNTIL – that blank look that only guys have – comes across his countenance and I KNOW he’s gone to the ‘box’.  I will say, “Shawn, did you hear ANYTHING I said”?  And it will take him a long time to put the words together and figure out that I was actually asking  him a question.  And then it will be “Uhhh – were you talking to me”?  I mean come on.  He was looking RIGHT at me!!!  The ‘nothing box’.

My husband does this too – but he has more skill.  He’s been married to me for 28 years now and knows how to play the game a little better – at least he fakes it.  We will be talking – again – eye ball to eye ball – and he will seem engaged in what I’m saying – and believe me, we have talked HOURS and HOURS in the last year – and then it happens.  I see the signs.  He can’t fool me.  It used to be something I called the ‘lizard blink’ which said, “I’m so tired – when is she going to shut up??”  But ever since our children (much smaller than they are now) caught on to the ‘lizard blink’ they teased their father unmercifully – and he learned NOT to do it anymore.  It meant that he was NOT listening anymore to them either!!

No – he has tried to be clever and conceal his going prematurely to his ‘nothing box’ – and now does something with his mouth.  I can’t explain it – I’ve tried to mimic it – and I’ve even tried to show him what he does – and he FLATLY refuses that he’s doing it!!  What ever am I to do with these guys?  I’m surrounded by testosterone and it’s not pretty sometimes.  No one has perfected the “look” quite like my dear husband.  He does LOVE his ‘box’.

So I have a ‘something box’.  I cannot have a ‘nothing box’ because as soon as I would go to it – I would decorate it – and then it would cease to be ‘nothing’.  No – it’s better that I have a ‘something box’.  I can decorate it any way I like – bring anybody in to visit – knock ideas and thoughts around – play music – write blogs – compose music – plan my day – etc. etc.

The other night I couldn’t sleep.  I was moving around a lot – had a lot on my mind and my mind simply would NOT stop!!!  I scooted over to my sleepy husband who NEVER has trouble sleeping and told him I couldn’t sleep.  He patted me on the head and told me to go to my ‘nothing box’ which he happily lives in.  I explained to him that I don’t HAVE a ‘nothing box’ – everything means something and is connected to something else – well it’s just impossible, that’s all.  So I started thinking about my ‘something box’ instead – and it worked.  I went there and was very contented doing all the things that I needed to do.

You could say that instead of whispering sweet ‘nothings’ in my husband’s ears – I whisper, ‘something’ –  it seems to work.  ☺☺☺

Have a great day!

God Bless

The “Bond Woman”

My husband has a complicated relationship with his pillow. It started years ago when I discovered the joy of sleeping with a contour pillow. I expressed my joy to him – hoping he would share my jubilation – my excitement at finally finding a comfortable position for my neck – but he did not. He has a football neck and cannot share in my joy. At least he tells me he hates it and finds it most uncomfortable – I think he’s hiding something.

We recently discovered that sleeping slightly elevated with the contour pillow prevents his snoring – which I find to be essential to him being allowed to sleep with me – but somehow he does not. If he sleeps with a “flat” pillow he still snores. And that will never do.

A couple of nights ago – I was awakened in the middle of the night by the old familiar wheezing sound. I looked over at my sleepy husband and guess what? He had thrown out the contour pillow – pushed it clean to the side and was sleeping (noisily) on the mattress. Well I could hardly believe it! So I shook him and said, “Greg – what do you think you’re doing?” He then very sleepily said, “I don’t want it – I’ve cast out the bond woman”. Well that will never do, of course – and I told him that he better start loving the “bond woman” cause that’s the only one he’s getting and he better start loving her! He keeps insisting that he loves another – but I have told him “that’s too bad – she’s all he gets”

So he is trying to adjust – and to love the “bond woman” I think it is working – I have high hopes! And since he loves sleeping with me I’m sure he will learn to love her 🙂

What is your “bond woman”? Is it something that you’re fighting and “casting off” but it’s actually good for you? Just a thought…

Have a good night and sweet dreams!

God Bless

The Reluctant Friend

I was reading in the Message Bible tonight – I love the Proverbs in modern language – it keeps it real. I came across this passage in Proverbs 3:

21-26 Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life;
don’t for a minute lose sight of them.
They’ll keep your soul alive and well,
they’ll keep you fit and attractive.
You’ll travel safely,
you’ll neither tire nor trip.
You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry,
you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep.
No need to panic over alarms or surprises,
or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner,
Because God will be right there with you;
he’ll keep you safe and sound.

If you are like me you like a good night’s sleep – for me that is about 9 hours – I’ve always needed a lot of sleep – even as a child. And there’s nothing like a really good nap to recharge the batteries, physically and emotionally. I once heard a great line from the book, “The Divine Secrets of The Ya Ya Sisterhood” One of the main characters, Vivi described a good nap “like a BLT on fresh french bread” and I have to agree! It is sooooooo yummy!

This proverb tells us that Common Sense and Clear Thinking are like dear friends – and we are to guard them – in doing so – we should be able to “sleep like a baby”. I’m all for that, aren’t you? The sleep of a clear conscience – of one who has settled old debts – reconciled unfinished business – or at least tried – has been searched in the deepest part by the search light of God Himself – and has passed the test. Not a troubled sleep of someone who is still bothered by past events – or worrying about the future – No – a peaceful surrender to a much needed, life giving – revitalizing sleep.

How do you sleep? Do you guard Common Sense and Clear Thinking? If I’m honest with you – I would have to admit that I have not always been careful about either one of these. It has cost me. It has robbed me. It stole many night’s sleep from me. I learned the hard way – the very hardest way possible and I’m still on that journey to not only learn it – but to understand it. The lessons of life are sometimes painful indeed. But I have been reconciled to Common Sense and have made up with Clear Thinking. I was a reluctant friend – even though they always wanted to be my friends – and they called to me – even when I wasn’t listening – or being much of a friend in return. But they were true friends who stuck by me and like an anchor – held on to me – even when I was slipping away and lost at sea.

They are the best friends and guides you will ever have – and you must guard them with your life – and not let anyone talk you out of their council and wisdom. You must not listen to people who would try to steer you away from health and life and hold out in front of you the promise of happiness and fulfillment outside of these friends. It is a temporary euphoria that will crash and burn. It will not last. It is a slow sure death. Grasp hold of what is true and right. Guard it with your very life! It will make all the difference. Don’t be like me, a once very reluctant friend – embrace them and your sleep will be sweet and your life will be blessed.

I am praying that your sleep be blessed tonight

God Bless

I Sleep With Darth Vader

I didn’t call  Greg –  Darth Vader – he came up with it himself.

Did I mention that Greg snores on his back?  I’m sure I did somewhere back in one of my blog posts.  On his side he is like a quiet little lamb.  But last night because he’s getting a cold – not even his side was working out well.  And when I say that – I mean not working out well FOR ME.  The noise is in his throat and sounds similar to a rattle and a pesky growling sound.  So as I immitated the sound for Greg this morning he said – “Oh you mean – Darth Vader”!  He actually sounded pleased by this new revelation.  I, however am NOT pleased – but annoyed and sleep deprived – again.

Last night was an interesting night all around – and I was having some indigestion problems and was uncomfortable most of the night.  I do not usually have much trouble sleeping – but I sure did last night.  We have the kind of bed that you can raise up and down – and it’s great for the times when my sinuses are bothering me and I need to “prop” up some so I can breathe – also great for things like heartburn and indigestion 🙂  So I’m “propped up” a bit and trying to settle down and SLEEP – when I look over at Greg and see that he’s “hunkered down” FLAT on his BACK – with his big feet hanging off the bottom of the bed.  Well to me – that was insane – as we do have a KING SIZE BED – and Greg is 6’0″ and should fit nicely – feet and all – if he is in the proper sleeping position.  But NO.  He is half way down on the bed – he seems to like it that way – makes him feel all secure and cozy or some such nonsense.  So I had to further investigate the issue at hand – so I got out of the covers and crawled on all fours to see how far his feet were sticking out.  I was just curious – that’s all.  Well I was hanging over him and thought he would just stay asleep – but he woke up and heard me breathing and hovering over him.  AND I need to say that he was MOST GRUMPY when he was awakened in this way!  I find it shocking!  First he’s like, “What ARE you doing?” and then, “Go to SLEEP”!!  Well I NEVER.

Explaining my errand – seemed pointless by then – so back in bed I went and TRIED to get to sleep in my “propped up” bed.  It was then that I looked over at my sleepy husband – who never has ANY trouble sleeping – not even with a cold – or with all that snoring – and noticed that he looked….SMUG.  Yes – that’s it.  SMUG.  Maybe I would look like that too if I could sleep so much and be oblivious to noise.  HE never hears his noises in the night – and when I wake him to “move over” or “turn on your side” – requests – he is annoyed – because much of the time he will claim that he “isn’t even asleep yet.”  Yeah right – if I had a nickel….

So last night – not even his side was working – and Darth Vader came out in full force and there seemed to be NOTHING I could do about it.  Eventually I think I was tired enough that I just didn’t hear it anymore.

Well – that’s my sad sleep deprived story – and for the most part – everything I shared is entirely true – at least from my perspective 🙂

God Bless

These Dreams…

What do dreams mean?  Is there a reason for them?  Is it our subconscious telling us “sweet little things” while we are not conscious?  Or sometimes “bad little things”.  Do we believe they tell the future?  Or explain the past?  Or are they just a very active mind doing very active things – even while our bodies rest?

I’ve had a strange reoccurring dream for years – and the only explanation I can find for this oddity is that I must feel like I have some “unfinished” business in my past – something I would desperately like to resolve.  Unfortunately life is just not that easy  – or that reasonable.

I’ve even had conversations with people in my dreams – people that I have not seen in years – that will just “pop in” and I have a whole dream about them.  I have also had my mind “fill in the blanks” to a missing puzzle piece of life that I cannot reconcile in real life – it will be nicely explained and resolved in my dreams.  I wake up with the “fresh” feeling that something has been solved – or healed – even though, sadly, in real life – it hasn’t.

I feel weightless in my dreams – like I’m in another place and time sometimes – far away from the present – far away from my real life.  I will see people that are familiar – but none of the surroundings are.  Sometimes my dreams upset me and I will “cry out” and wake myself up – or mumble something unintelligible – and Greg will wonder what I was dreaming about.  But sometimes the dreams are happy and make me feel better – fill me with hope and anticipation and I wake up knowing every detail – as I share with Greg or Shawn what I have just dreamt.

Dreams can be funny – they can be sad.  They can be scary – but also very happy.

What are your dreams like?  Do you remember them?  Do you have a reoccurring dream like I do?

I trust that you will have sweet dreams tonight.

God Bless

The Nothing Box…

So after posting that video a couple of days ago on Men’s vs. Women’s brains – I’ve been doing some thinking.  Not that we Women EVER STOP thinking.  No.  What I mean is that I was thinking about the video 🙂

Men have a “nothing” box.  Where they go to unwind after stress – or to just do ‘nothing’.  Women don’t have a ‘nothing’ box.  Everything is our world is connected to each other.  And I can’t find ONE SINGLE corner of my mind that doesn’t have SOMETHING in it!!  I think it’s UNFAIR and I’m just going to say it!

Last night I was trying to sleep.  I had taken a lot of medication yesterday due to a wicked headache and had dozed off and on during the day – sitting up in bed with an ice pack on my forehead.  Not a fun day.  But when it was time to sleep last night – I just couldn’t get my mind to SHUT OFF!!!  It was really ridiculous.  I looked over at my sweet sleepy husband – dreaming peacefully – I think he was even SMILING.  How dare he?  I’m tossing and turning and not comfortable and my mind is just twirling around and around and around…

So…I got to thinking – why can Men have a “nothing” box – and we can’t?? That’s very sexist – don’t you think?  They GO there.  They unwind.  They do NOTHING!!!  And we are  constantly thinking – our minds are swirling around – creating different scenarios – writing a whole book in our brains – thinking about what happened that day – the past week – the past year – oh yes – our WHOLE LIVES!!!  People we’ve loved and lost – friends that have come and gone – what we should have done differently – things we could do today – things we didn’t say – things we should say – and what about that event that happened last year – or 5 years ago – or in high school for that matter….and on and on and on and on it goes.  Not to mention the things we have to do tomorrow and the next week – and what about that piano and voice schedule – and theater class – OH MY – the music for class – how will they ever learn it – and the upcoming recital – are my boys going to be able to finish up and graduate?????  What if they can’t – I will have to start all over again – pick a new date – not that I picked the first one out yet – but that will mean I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!   (It’s exhausting being a Woman)

So I said to Greg – he was awake by this time with my tossing and turning – “Why do guys just get to have a ‘nothing box’?  I would do ANYTHING to have one of those – especially when it’s time to go TO SLEEP!!!  But he just laughed and patted me – as if to say, “You poor thing – don’t you know that only guys can think about absolutely nothing and be very happy to do it”?  I guess he’s right.

I did try to lie very still – and imagine NOTHING.  It lasted for about 2 seconds and I found myself again thinking about SOMETHING.  I’m really no good at the ‘nothing’ box.  In fact – I’m no good at any box at all.  I’m a woman.

I do sometimes get jealous of my male counterpart – and how he can just “unwind” – and not really let things bother him much.  He handles stress and anything else thrown at him with a cool, calm and rational mind.  And I have noticed all my male friends are pretty much the same way.  A voice of reason in a ‘world gone mad’ – or so it seems to me sometimes.

I am however glad that I am able to experience things based on emotion – something men never usually do.  Once a memory has emotion tied with it – as was stated in the video – it is forever etched in the brain – NEVER to be forgotten.  This can be both positive and negative.  I am still in process learning which ones are good – and which ones are bad.  And because I am a woman – it is sometimes hard to distinguish the good from the bad when it comes to emotion and feelings connected with a memory.  But I’m learning – but I doubt I will ever really master it.

No – I’m thinking I would like a corner of my mind that I go to to just SHUT DOWN – a button I could push that would turn everything off for me – allow me to sleep – and a place where even my busy dreams wouldn’t follow me – but they do follow me – even long after I’ve surrendered to sleep.  But I’m learning to meditate on restful things – even read a passage from the Psalms is very helpful right before going to sleep.

I am trusting all of you can do the same.

God Bless

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