Finding The On/Off Switch!

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I’m looking for a little switch that I’ve misplaced.  It should be a simple thing to find – but I can’t locate it.

My computer has such a switch – so does my desk lamp – my candle warmers and the lights all around my house.  If I don’t want anything on anymore – I just flip the switch – to OFF!

My mind used to have one of these – long ago when I was much younger and slept deeper.  These days I cannot find the switch that shuts off the endless conversations with unseen people and circumstances – they follow me into my dreams.

Last night Greg was out working very late and I tried to settle in, relax and go to sleep.  Again – I could not find the switch and everything in my mind was turned to ON!  And sadly, ‘ON’ means – nothing is quiet.  Everything is up for grabs – including different case scenarios for past events – and conversations with certain individuals I know I’ll NEVER have.  Somehow my mind tries to make up for the lack.  It gladly fill in the blanks on events that have no answers.  This can be good – and it can be VERY BAD.  Sometimes the imagination of the mind – leaves me feeling sad – because none of it is true.

I’d still like to find my ‘switch’ – and never lose it again.  I would turn it ‘Off’ when getting ready to turn in for the night – and then turn it to ‘ON’ when ready to get up – giving my exhausted brain a chance to recover.  *Sigh*

Do you have a ‘switch’?  Or have you misplaced it somewhere along the way, like I have?

In a perfect world – we would never lose that switch – and in a perfect world things would be solved, conflicts brought to right and everyone come to an understanding – and there would be no need for such a switch.

 

God Bless

With God’s Help, I Shall Be Myself

Cover of Funny Faces

‎”Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that…Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”
–Galatians 6:4-5 The Message

 

Found this passage of scripture yesterday on a page that I subscribe to on facebook.  I love The Message Bible because it speaks with everyday language that I can understand and more easily, apply to my life.

With life’s cares, burdens, stresses and other things – it becomes difficult to even remember who I am – what my calling is – and just how to do it.  And yet I am instructed to – BE WHO I AM.

Being who I am is difficult.  Not so much in my own head – although that can be a problem too after years of masking who I am – in order to fit it – get along with – or remain with the status quo.  Mostly it is hard because the image I project is sometimes very different from who I really am.  And my responses are carefully guarded after so long of being careful not to offend – and not to be rejected for being different.

But in this scripture I am encouraged to be me.  To do a thorough inventory of myself. Not what others see me as – or want me to be.  Not what I have carefully tried to conceal from people and even myself – but to break free from other thoughts and ideas that others would try to project on me – and just be me.

I have many stories from past ministry life that would raise the hair on the back of your neck – how others tried to muzzle me or tell me what was right for me – how to act – what to say – how to dress etc. etc.  It made me very cautious – it made me very conflicted inside.  I wasn’t sure for many years – who I was – or even if I was satisfied with being different.  Even as recent as two years ago I had a situation where again I felt free to be me – only to be blasted because I was expressing that part of me that had been shut up for so long.  I was once again muzzled and felt humiliated for my words  – by someone I thought understood and encouraged me to be me!  What a concept.  I was wrong – and my attempt at being myself and breaking free was met in the end with lack of understanding and rejection.  But the last couple of years have taught me something.  I like who I am.  I like being free to say and do what I like – without having to fit in to anyone else’s agenda or protocol.  And I have lost my fear.  Others cannot hurt me anymore in the same way.  Or silence me.  I have found myself.

And once I was satisfied with who that someone was – something great happened – the most truthful and honest me came out – I then began to evaluate my gifting according to what I had been equipped for and possess – and I began to sink into that work.

When I think about sinking into something – I think about my nice comfortable bed.  Settling in, making myself comfortable and staying a while.  In the same way – I am encouraged to settle in and make myself comfortable – stay for a while with the things and gifts that God has equipped and given to me.

Being an artist and musician – I love the next part of the verse.  I am instructed to do my ‘creative best’ with my own life – the responsibility rests inside of me.

Thank you Lord for creating me with unique abilities and gifts.  Help me find the courage to be myself – lose the fear of rejection, betrayal, and disregard from those who did not like – or did not agree – with who I am.  Help me find the freedom and safety in your warm and loving regard.  Knowing that you are smiling and cheering me on!  As I come closer and closer to being the one who you created with your purpose running through me.

With God’s help – I shall be myself.

 

God Bless

 

Another Year Of Celebration

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Today is a two-year anniversary for my husband and me.  A very personal anniversary for us that started with an ordinary day – a much-needed phone call and participation in a wedding  – and ended up with a great loss, confusion  and many questions.

Time and distance has put new perspective on many things – including that day.  But sadly, not even the marriage that Greg performed on that fateful day – has lasted. It’s almost like the whole day was fated to just be  ‘one of those days’.

But memories linger anyway – and help us fill in the blanks where we are left to wonder – and left to fill  in the empty silent spots.  This can be dangerous – and not very accurate as I’ve recently found out – but sometimes – this is all we can do.  It is better to take the ‘no harm – no blame’ philosophy – rather than point fingers.  And there’s something about this season of the year – and the cold weather that reminds me once again.

And as the Grinch says to Cindy Lou Who in “The Grinch” – as they are speeding recklessly down the hill, ‘Even if we’re HORRIBLY mangled – there will be NO sad faces at Christmas‘.

And so that is exactly how we feel.  barely escaping being ‘horribly mangled‘ – we have gone on – dealt with loss and misunderstanding – and purposed to be our own people and have our own say in things – even when it was not popular to do so.  We’ve kept our unique perspective – and worked it out – our way.  And we won’t apologize for that.   And the way we look at it now after 2 years is this:   No harm done – lesson learned – and another year to celebrate God‘s goodness, protection and provision in our lives.

And so – here’s to another year of celebration.  We wave goodbye once again to the past, fear, ignorance and denial.  And we warmly embrace goodness, love, forgiveness and truth.

Happy Anniversary to us.  We made it. ♥

God Bless

King Of The Stupids!

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In light of yesterday’s article – ‘Dumb is Temporary – Stupid is Forever’  – I thought I would include, for your watching amusement and pleasure – my favorite scenes from Shrek about my favorite character, ‘Gingy’.  My favorite line?  When Gingy says to ‘Charming’  – ‘The only thing you will ever be King of is KING OF THE STUPIDS!!’  I about fell out of my chair at the theater watching that scene and have NEVER forgotten it.  If you only knew how it applies to some people whom I know – you would laugh too!  And let’s face it – it’s much easier to laugh at it – I mean sometimes you can only fight stupidity with laughter.  Lots of laughter.

And so – it is with great joy – I present to you – scenes about ‘Gingy’ from Shrek.

Gingy – this is for you.

Dumb is Temporary – But Stupid Is Forever

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Can you relate?

I sure can.

We all make dumb mistakes – errors that leave us cringing afterward –  But luckily for most of us, they are only temporary lapses of judgment – and easily remedied.  Everyone would agree – dumb is just dumb.

But stupid is forever.  These are the things that have long-term ramifications – and as former pastor Rick Ross used to say, “Stupid is as Stupid does” – it is so true.  Oh you know what I mean.  Those things or habits that we’ve come to know and even ‘cozied’  up to – blindly ignoring all warning signs that say, ‘STOP doing that!!’  It is then that we cross the line from dumb to stupid.

I’ve done everything that I could in the past to prevent me  from going into stupid after visiting dumb  – but I am human and even I have ventured into the scary dark abyss of stupid.  Making friends with stupid is pretty dumb and no one in their right mind would do it.  But I also know that I have done it – I’ve  tasted dumb – and have not been satisfied with it – and so I’ve taken a drink from the ‘stupid kool-aid’ – unaware of the effects of it until much later.  And sadly – sometimes getting rid of stupid takes forever.

Now the only way to combat stupid and stick to just plain dumb – is this:  Don’t ignore the red flags and the little ‘ping’ you get in your stomach when going there.  Be able to stop and run from stupid at a moment’s notice.  And when you are around stupid people – don’t listen to them.  They are usually as changeable as the wind – one minute your best friend – the next your most hated enemy.  And stupid people will always make you feel like the stupid one.  So beware.  They are slick, fast talking, fair weather people – like the leaves on a tree – blowing any direction – with no stability.  Watch out for them – don’t follow their advice or listen to what they say and stay away from people they hang out with – because most likely they’ve been drinking the ‘stupid kool-aid’  too.  Ever tried reasoning with a stupid person?  Yeah right.  It’s impossible.

I will continue to be dumb – because I’m on a journey just like you.  Mistakes and temporary lapses in judgment are part of my journey as an imperfect person.   I also know there is much grace for me that is new every morning, and God’s love has been such a wonderful and reassuring security for my many mess-ups.  Thank you Jesus!  But I have also gone to the stupid level – and know the pain involved with trying to undo it – heal and be reconciled to situations and people and I can tell you first hand – it’s just not worth it – so I will be on guard and aware 24-7. And let’s face it – even if you decide against stupid – stupid will never let you forget. Not ever.

Dumb is temporary – Stupid is Forever

God Bless