Musings From A Musical Mind

Archive for the ‘Truth’ Category

New Dream

dreams and wishes. 62/365

Image by nicole.pierce.photography ♥ via Flickr

I looked for someone

like searching in a fog

chasing after

an endless mist

straining for

that unattainable someone

or something

thinking that it would satisfy

what’s deep within

heart-sick and weary

all my efforts

came up empty

and my searching

and reaching

brought no relief

for I found

that in the searching

it was me that I found instead

alone and empty

sad and confused

“Is what I seek

my dream only?

never satisfied

why do

I continue to pursue?

Are my “dreams” just those I make up

bringing emptiness

and endless struggle

instead of fulfillment

and relief?”

And yet I searched for you

my unobtainable someone

and something

that threatened to destroy

and devour me

The one I craved

the things I craved

could be my undoing

and the searching

and dreaming for them

like a slow death

And at the end of the road

I was still there

running on empty

defeated and broken…

It was when I was at my weakest

and tired of running after

and insisting on my own way

that He came

and I heard

a still small voice

and in my confusion

and tears

which caused me to slow down

be still

and listen

that I heard Him

that voice changed me

as He reached in

and held the broken

and confused me

and finally I don’t need to know

all the reasons for before

I reluctantly surrender

and replace

all the running

and searching

for something unknown

instead of something

that does not satisfy

and begin a new path

with His dreams

and plans for me

and at the end of the road

there is no disappointment

and emptiness

or brokenness

and I have almost 

vanished from view

even though

my selfishness and pride

are still there

but they are covered

and kept in check

and it is He that is waiting

giving me

a new dream

which fulfills

and satisfies

instead of

all the things

I wanted

and thought I needed

He is giving me

much more

than I could ever dream

as He replaces my will

with new people

new things

and a new dream

 

What is your dream today?  Have you surrendered yours for His?

 

God Bless

 

 

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Loosening My Firm Grip

Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

Image via CrunchBase

I was out taking a walk around the neighborhood yesterday, in one of those rare sunny and fairly “warmish” days.  I had my iPhone/iPod tunes coming through my ear buds and I was humming a happy little tune.

I turned a corner and walked toward a nearby park when all of a sudden the thought struck me:  What if I lost all this great music on my iPhone?  What if my computer had a melt-down and my WHOLE music library was GONE!  In an instant!

Well,  while this and other great thoughts invaded my mind along my walk – I had to ask myself, “would it really be a big deal? – I mean, come on – it’s just music, right?”

I had to admit that it would not be a huge deal.  An inconvenience for sure – but not the end of the world (as in what’s supposed to happen this Saturday – but that’s ANOTHER story).  No – my life and my world would continue on – I would just turn on my Pandora Radio and slowly rebuild my music library again – or just listen to CD’s and the radio in the car until I gathered my music once again over time.

Now while this is a silly example – I thought about the “things” I hold on to.  Those things that I feel ownership over.  The things that are mine.  My personal belongings, my pictures, my books, my computer, my piano, my blog articles and so on and so forth.  What if something happened to them?  Would I be Okay?  Would I survive?  If EVERYTHING was taken away from me tomorrow – would I really be able to make it?  Is my identity defined by all those things?  Would I really be lost without them?

No.  I would be Okay.  I choose to keep a loose grasp on my material blessings.  I can move, sell, sort and get rid of extra junk when I need to – and have in the past done several BIG MOVES across the country and back – to know that I am not defined by things.  I’ve witnessed several households of furniture come and go in 30 years of marriage and have not been devastated when the time came to unload it – or lighten our load.

I believe there is a principle in this for not only the material “things” – but I believe we should be willing to let go of our firm grip when it comes to the people in our lives – even if we don’t want to.  I was determined when raising our two children, that I was NOT going to be one of those mom’s who couldn’t bear to let my kids grow up, change and become independent from me.  It is perfectly normal for them to need me less and less as they mature – and to someday be fully developed and have their own life – apart from me.

Our children are only on loan to us.  I don’t believe there are any accidents.  God knows what He is doing – and He gave me my children to love and raise.  I do not OWN them.  And when I have invested into them everything I can – (not always in the most perfect way – but with the best intentions),  I can release them, knowing that they are individuals who must answer to God for themselves – they are no longer my responsibility.

Many parents become unhappy when their grown-up children do not need them anymore – when it is very normal and natural that they should NOT need us anymore when they are mature.  Some are bewildered because they feel they lose their control over their children and even try forms of manipulation and even guilt to keep them young – while imposing their need and dreams of the “good old days”.  While this is natural because of the time investment spent in them – it should not be used as a method of control towards our children.  They are given to us – they really belong to God.  It is important to raise our children “in the way they should go”  and then let them go – loosen the grip – release them in love.  Even if we don’t always agree.  Pray for them – and then trust God.

And though I am far from perfect as a mom – I have always tried to let my own grown-up children lead their own lives.  I feel like Greg and I did everything we could do while they were living in our home – and we tried to set a godly example for them while growing up – through good and bad, happy and sad times.

The secret is to have a “loose grip” on the things and people that we don’t feel we can let go.  Have a firm grip on God – and teach your children to do the same.  He will make His plans known to them – and He is ultimately responsible for their journey – when they allow Him to guide their steps.  This is so freeing to me as a parent and I know it will be to you too.  This will lead to a happy life – full of deep joy with no regret.

How’s your grip?  Do you feel it tightening around things you can’t bear to lose?  Can you just relax and trust?  How do you apply a “loose grip” to your own situations?

God Bless

My Testimony, Audio (via The Fallen Pastor)

I’m posting this audio today from my friend, Ray Carroll. It is his testimony as told last Sunday in a church where he once attended. It is powerful. The story of a fallen man, a former Southern Baptist pastor – and his discovery of God’s grace through that fall and journey back to health and forgiveness. He talks about the work on the cross so beautifully – because of Good Friday – I knew this would be appropriate to share with my readers today. You will be encouraged, challenged and look at the work of Jesus and the wrath of God in a different way after listening to what Ray has to say.

I promised you that I’d share my testimony with you. Last Sunday, I shared it with a local church. I just finished posting it to YouTube – sorry, no video, audio only. So, if you can’t wait for the typed version, or would rather listen, here it is. It’s a little over 30 minutes long in total. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJXaducYk0 … Read More

via The Fallen Pastor

To Tell The Truth

The Ten Commandments of the Mosaic Law on a mo...

Image via Wikipedia

Our pastor spoke on the subject of “Truth” on Sunday.  It is part of his series on “The Ten Commandments”.  Each has been thought-provoking and has made every one of us look at these commandments in a different light.

Our small group wrestled with this subject of “truth”  last night – as we revisited the message from Sunday.

Truth is very subjective.  We each have a unique way of looking at events – past and present.  We have a way of justifying our own view-point – and even twisting facts to present ourselves in a better light.  All of us our self-centered to the core – and it’s only through the grace and love of Jesus that we have any hope at all.  Outside of Him – we mess it up pretty badly.

What is truth?

The only truth we know is the person of Jesus Christ – who is Himself the embodiment of truth – the living Word of God. Apart from Him we are destined to get it only partially right – struggling with ourselves and others until we die.

People have been wrestling with the subject of truth since the Garden of Eden.  And the enemy has been trying to twist the truth so that even we start to doubt what God really said – and what He really meant when He said it.  We twist truth just enough to justify our actions. We all do it.  And though Satan is the “Father of lies” – we need to realize something about our own nature – we lie and don’t always tell the whole truth – even when we believe we have.  And sometimes we cannot point our finger and blame him.  We don’t need to look any further than our own self for the real blame. We want something – so we twist truth to get it.  We don’t want to be blamed for something that we had a part in – so we point a finger at another person or at Satan and deflect any blame off of us.  That kind of deceit is not lost on God – He knows what the score is – even if other people are fooled – even if we have even successfully fooled ourselves.

The difference between our truth and the truth of God – is that our truth can be self-centered and twisted – God’s truth is always redemptive and without agenda.

I want it.  I will lie to get it.  I will call it truth.  I am in denial.

The Word Of God sets up boundaries for us.  If we stay within the protection of those boundaries – we live a life of truth and safety.  When we step outside of God’s protection – He will not stop us – in fact He will let us do it – it’s just not the best for us – and the fall-out is enormous and does not bring lasting peace and happiness.

Truth.  What is truth?

Bill Cosby was quoted as saying, “The only time children tell the truth is when they are in pain”  They lie to get what they want – they are just not as clever as we are.  But we all do this.  When in pain – and we are forced to “come clean” with the truth   it looks a lot differently than what we had lied to ourselves about.  And sometimes saying and speaking the truth is lonely and misunderstood.  It’s not always comfortable.  In fact it’s down right miserable at times.  Simple truth is like that.  And some people get it and some don’t.

Jesus knew this.  There were those in His time that did not get it either.  Truth was way too threatening for them.  And they had Him killed because of it.

Can we always tell the truth?  Even if it hurts to say it?  Even if we know if might split apart a relationship?  Even if it will cause repercussions among family and friends?  Do I strive to live in truth?  To say only the things that are redemptive and good?  To live a life of honor and transparency?  Not always.  I’ve blown it – just like you.  But I want to model my life after Christ’s example – and it’s a start to come clean with what the truth really is – and not be satisfied with “half-truths” and “gossip” about others just to make myself appear better.

But striving to Live in truth is the only way to live.  And some day I hope to arrive there.

God Bless

Below enjoy a song from John Mayer “Say what you need to say” – one of my favorites – follow the link to “Watch this on youtube”

Charlie Brown In A Lucy World

Charlie Brown

Image via Wikipedia

Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ then a voice says to me,  ‘This is going to take more than one night.'”

Charlie Brown

Ever feel like Charlie Brown?  I know I have.  I used to love watching the ‘bumbling through life’ character – who never hid what he was feeling – good or bad.  But now I have to admit – it’s painful to watch him try to ‘slug it out’.  Because I feel like I’m looking in a mirror.  Ouch.

I used to like to identify with the other characters instead – Schroder who says nothing – but just sits and plays the piano – YEARS above where he should be playing.  *Sigh* – but I am NOT Schroder.

Sally is shy and sweet – naive and innocent – but still with an attitude. And much as I want to think that’s who I am – (I have been accused of this) sadly I am not.

And what about Linus?  Linus who doesn’t have great personal hygiene – but who knows how to be a friend and how to give great advice.  Someone dependable and true.  I’d like to think that this is who I am – not the personal hygiene part – but you get the picture.  But I’m not always like this either.

I have WAY too much to say – like Lucy. And NO ONE wants to be like Lucy.  Lucy is loud and opinionated – quick to judge – first to abandon – slow to forgive.  VERY narcissistic.  But that is not me either – or is it?  I hope not.

In the end – I am mostly like Charlie Brown.  At least inside.  Bumbling through life – trying to get people to understand me – trying to fit it – saying all the wrong things – trusting too much – expecting things will always be good – or always be bad – down on myself – totally pessimistic and then totally optimistic.  That’s me.  And it’s probably you too.  Living in a Lucy world.  Trying to impress – do something great – leave my mark – only to have all the “Lucy’s” of the world say, “You’re a blockhead, Charlie Brown”.  Yeah – that’s how it feels some days.

Are you also a Charlie Brown living in a Lucy world?  Cheer up!  Charlie had a lot of problems – but he was the most authentic and real person – never down for long – always ready to pick himself up and try again – no matter how many times he got it wrong.  No matter how many times Lucy told him he couldn’t do something – or how stupid he was.  Charlie is not the brightest – or the best looking.  But he’s real – and he knows who he is.  He’s just Charlie Brown – nothing more.  We can learn a lot about him – and be encouraged.

It doesn’t make all the “Lucy’s” in our life go away – but in a way – it’s a nice reminder.  Be yourself – when you stumble – get up.

Here’s to you Lucy –  GOOD GRIEF – You will NOT win.

God Bless

Truth Or Spare?

Truth

Image by TW Collins via Flickr

Yesterday my husband and I were returning from a fun date night in the snow – after having gone to Taco Bell and then Starbucks for a cup of coffee – we were returning home when we landed on such an interesting subject – I just HAD to write a blog article about it.

We were talking about something we had seen the night before on an episode of one of our favorite shows, “House”.  In this episode, House was addressing a group of grade school kids – and said to them, ‘Everyone lies’.

We all do it – we say we don’t – but we do.  Even Bill Cosby in his book, “Bill Cosby Himself”, said – ‘I love it when people will say that they LOVE children because they are so truthful.  The only time children tell the truth is when they’re in pain’.  So true – children learn to be manipulative from a very early age – we all have done it.  We know how to twist the truth to get our way – blame someone else when something is broken – lie about being sick so we get to stay home from school – or to watch a special program on TV.

We learn it as children and then get better at it when we are grown.    Oh I don’t mean terrible lies – but everyone tells little white lies – and mostly they are harmless.  But is it ever right to tell a lie?

What about telling a lie to spare someone’s feelings?  We all have done it.  A good friend gets a really bad haircut – or a new outfit and they ask you point-blank – “How do I look?”  You wouldn’t hurt your friend for the world – and so even if it’s not great – even really bad – you lie and say, “I think you look great!”  Which you know you don’t mean – but you love them and wish to spare them. You say, “I was protecting them”.

And let’s face it.  Sometimes the cold hard truth – can be very damaging.  There are those that seem to take great pleasure in doing this.  You know the people I mean – the black and white folk who see NO GRAY and have to tell it like it is – even being brutally honest – because – hey – it’s the truth!  Usually those folks are fine with giving it – but not so great at receiving it.

Is it okay to lie a little – when it’s to protect someone?  Their delicate and fragile feelings?  What about when it’s to protect yourself? What then?

We all have some pretty interesting conversations and thoughts going on in our heads that no one can see and hear.  It would be really humiliating to have it exposed at times – because besides you and God – no one hears and sees what is going on inside.

There have been times when my husband wants to know what’s going on there – I think he may even be afraid to ask – in this new season we are in of ‘absolute honesty’ – but still I am selective about what I tell him – I don’t wish to hurt him – so I withhold the ‘truth’ a lot of times or dummy it down.  I’m sure he does this for me as well.  Everyone does this.  We would be SCARED TO DEATH to know what it is lurking in everyone’s minds.  This is why I keep a journal.  They are my private thoughts – reserved for myself.  I don’t want anyone reading it – nor should anyone.  They would misunderstand – these are my thoughts alone.

I believe that’s why people write their thoughts down – it is a way of getting them out – a way to reflect and pray – a way to allow the love of Jesus to renew and refresh – validate and kiss the ideas, questions and inspirations that come from living, failing, hurting and struggling and then ultimately finding that in doing so – brings perspective and healing – and a joy to begin again each new day.  They are not meant for another human being – who could get their feelings hurt – misunderstand the heart of what’s being thought about and so on.

If you’ve ever been exposed – or had things you’ve said in a journal – or to a special friend come out – to another person completely out of context – then you know the pain in which I am referring.  Those thoughts that were not meant for others to see – But that were the internal questioning, searching and struggling that was meant for someone you trust and for God – to help and bring perspective your troubled and questioning soul.

Can we always be completely transparent with what we are thinking and feeling?  I don’t think we can – nor do I think it’s wise.  First of all – not everyone knows us well enough for us to empty our thoughts out to them.  I believe there is a certain wisdom in being cautious and even guarded about subjects that are dicey and sensitive.  I know for me – I will never reveal things about myself to someone who I cannot trust with my life – words have an ugly way of coming back when I have not been wise and the truth can come back to bite me – my own words of authenticity – can be perceived as dangerous and rebellious to those who do not understand my heart – and motive.

So when do we reveal?  When do we spare?  I believe we need to be wise, cautious, loving and encouraging to those around us and in our world.  I believe that not every random thought needs to be said.  I believe in discretion.  But I also believe in being me – and not letting fear of what has been revealed or what may be revealed in the future about me and my words and thoughts – prevent me from being who I really am – and steal my joy.

This is a daily balancing act.  My thoughts and feelings – my internal dialogue, questions and musings that go on inside my head.

And as for the truth – we all tell it – at least our version of it. And if we’re really honest we would have to admit that we ‘spare’ way more than we ‘reveal’.  And sometime the only time we ever really tell the real truth in regard to another person – is when they are in danger, hurting or in trouble – and we need to intervene on their behalf.

Lord help me to work on me – to make me more like you – no hidden agenda – no personal gain.  Help me to love like you do – to be good, honest, kind and giving.  To live a life of integrity – but also of graciousness with all of those entrusted to me – just like you are gracious and kind to me – telling me the truth in such a way that it helps me – doesn’t hurt me – that corrects and convicts me to live better and want to be an example of your love to others.  The AMAZING thing is this:  You know me – and all my thoughts and still you accept me just the way I am.  That is freedom. Help me to model this behavior to those around me.  Help me accept people just the way they are – no questions – no opinions – no judgment.

This is the only way to live.  And that’s the truth.

God Bless

  • Show Me! (cindyholman.wordpress.com)
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Doing Life

Secret moments

Today was spent with our amazing small group from our church watching the Super Bowl together and eating amazing food!  All of us in this LifeGroup are  very different people from different life experiences and situations but we  are all on a similar life journey.  It is humbling to know that we may never have met if it had not been for a series of events that brought each of us to this place and time – right here – right now.  I’m in awe of God’s timing and placement of good strong people who will here for me in support and encouragement – as we all learn and grow together in this season of life.

As I look around at these people who are now ‘doing life’ with me – sharing stories, laughter and jokes – it is that ‘oneness’ that we all feel and that will hold us together. – through the good easy times – and through the not so easy times.  And we’re finding new surprises as we discover that we have more in common with these people than we ever thought we did.

Here’s to growing together – becoming more transparent, authentic with each other and in our walk with God – As we allow each other and God to sharpen us – and grow us up – to become more like Him.  That’s what life is all about.  Loving God and loving each other.

Below is one of my favorite songs originally sung by the Moody Blues in the 70’s – and David Lanz has made a beautiful piano solo which I just LOVE!  Enjoy!

 

God Bless

 

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