30 years ago – tomorrow 🙂
30 years ago – tomorrow 🙂
Anyone have a great caption for this crazy picture?
This month marks 30 years that Greg and I have been married. So for the next five days (our actual anniversary is on Labor Day) I will be posting a “blast from the past” picture.
The above picture was taken when we became engaged the end of March, 1981. Look how young we were. Can anyone really tell what life is going to be like when you are that young? We certainly did not. We had not known ministry jobs and complications – financial reversal and two children – who would grow up to make us so proud. We only knew that for us – the world was pretty small – as we planned our upcoming September 5th wedding, and tried to get through another semester of college.
Where were you 30 years ago?
Today at sunset my husband Greg performed a wedding. It was one of the most picturesque places for a wedding – the beautiful Puget Sound.
My husband Greg is a Pastor – a Celebrant – or Minister. Whatever title you choose to give him – he’s ordained with the Assemblies of God and does Weddings and Funeral services full time for a living.
The following excerpt is taken from a wedding that he performed yesterday:
Genesis 2:18, 24
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
“God said, “I’ll make a helper suitable…”
He specifically designed a man and a woman to be “suitable” to one another…to be compatible…he made it to “work” together well
(You both work at Microsoft…you know about programs “compatible” and “incompatible” and what that can mean)
– and I know there are personality types that seem to work beter with or “click” with – I get that…
– but you know what I’ve found?
– the biggest challenge to a relationship (and especially in the marriage relationship) is that there are more incompatible people than incompatible relationships!
Interesting quote I read…
“When a man marries a woman, they become one but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one”
– what am I saying here?
* God made us well – he didn’t mess up
* love and marriage are His design – and wow, did He do a great job!
* just as he made Adam and Eve (from the beginning) to be “suitable” (compatible) for one another….AND HERE’S THE KEY…
– YOU need to continue to be “suitable”
– you must continue to be “compatible” all through your married life…(let me burst a bubble here: it’s not automatic!)
* it’s in what you decide to do
* make the choice from the start to remain “suitable” to one another
* right now it’s “marriage 1.0” – you’ve run the “install” disk, but you’ll need to constantly adapt/upgrade…marriage 2.0 and so on!
* because you know what? You will go through seasons of changes in your lives, individually and as a couple
– you won’t be the same in 5 years that you are right now…or 10, 0r 25, or 50…
– my wife Cindy and I are definitely in a new season right now after 28 years of marriage than we were when we stood where you are standing now…
* I’m sure your parents could echo the same thing…marriages go through different “seasons“
Now, here’s the secret that so many miss – the deepest joy and satisfaction your married life will bring you…
* it’s the continued compatibility of saying “I will learn, I will grow and adjust to the changes taking place in our relationship, I will continue to love you deeply no matter what the cost” ( I will upgrade to marriage 2.0 and so on!)
– I will continue to “know you” on the deepest level
* even when I don’t “get it” ( when I feel like I’ve had a system crash!) – or when I am supremely frustrated in the process
– I will continue to be authentic with you about who I am on the deepest level (I won’t stuff!)
* That’s being “compatible” – that’s being “suitable” – and you know what – that’s what will bring you the lifelong satisfaction in your marriage that God designed you to have!”
Isn’t he the cutest? So many request him to perform their weddings – and he specifically designs a whole message around who they are and what they do for a living.
I loved this particular example – because I have been so FRUSTRATED with my computer over this last year – and will try to run a program only to have it NOT speak to my computer because I don’t have the most current “upgrade”. Marriage is so similar.
Are you upgrading your Marriage? Downloading the files necessary to co-exist and effectively communicate? Do you need to have a “systems crash” before you DO something about it? I would say to you – do the maintenance and avoid the “crash” – but if the “crash” is the only way to rebuild your marriage – then God can even use your brokenness and failure to restore your “system” back to a healthier and stronger marriage.
Do the steps
Talk it out
Yesterday I watched a documentary on “Peter, Paul and Mary”. I was especially taken with the fact that in a day and age when half of marriages don’t last – let alone ANYTHING else – this group stayed together for 43 years – touring and making music together.
Folk music was BIG in the 60’s and what they attempted to do through music was seen as very bold and brave for the unrest in our country at that time. It was music that was more than just about “politics” but spoke of our “humanity” and a song like “Blowing in the Wind” was a song for every man.
These people were also great friends – which I think is a testimony of just why they were able to still be together after all those years. Early on they formed a mutual respect and love for each other – 3 separate lives – one voice through their music.
In the 60’s Noel Paul Stookey wrote a song for Peter – who was getting married. The song became very famous at the time and is still well known today. The song is called “Wedding Song – (there is love)” Paul wrote it – feeling like it was given to him from God – it was a gift to Paul and therefore he couldn’t take any royalties from it – and donated the song to charity – where it has made millions of dollars.
I love this version the best. And even though it has been remade many times – this is the one that is the purest and most beautiful in its simplicity. The chord changes are rich and full – a song writer’s dream song. As you listen to it – remember all the love that went into it – for his friend and you’ll be blessed ♥
Yesterday instead of Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy – and tons of other food – we decided to abstain.
Unheard of, you say?
Well – there was a very good reason. Greg was invited to perform a wedding – and I went with him. It was a very different way to spend Thanksgiving. But we all know that variety is the “spice of life” – so we jumped at the opportunity to be different.
This wedding was very special. The couple had met online – she has a two year old daughter – and they are very much in love and ready to settle down and be a “family”. The bride’s father is a doctor – and the house is situated on the water with a million dollar view of puget sound. A very lovely home for having a wedding.
Our daughter arrived before we did – she styled the bride’s hair – and it was beautiful! We arrived right on time – the traffic was HORRIBLE. But with our coffee in hand we were “happy campers” as we SAT and SAT in traffic. When we got there – everyone was munching on snacks – elegantly laid out in the “great room” below. The high cathedral ceiling and HUGE windows overlooking the water – was very picturesque – and a lovely backdrop for the ceremony. I took many pictures – I posted a few below.
After the ceremony – everyone remarked to Greg that they appreciated him being so authentic and real – in telling the couple how it really is – not “sugar coating” it. People need to hear this today – and we all know the statistics – one out of every two marriages will fail – it is important to do everything you can when you start out – to make sure you understand there are going to be good times – and bad times. And at some point you may not “feel it” anymore – that’s when you need to remember what you sometimes forget – that you made a commitment on this day – and a promise for life. Life can and will sometimes go “sideways” – and if you are not prepared for it – it can rock your world and blow even the strongest marriage to bits.
The mother of the bride – married 37 years – was challenged by Greg’s words and could testify to the fact that sometimes it is that commitment that you need to remember when life has its challenges and stresses. She was cute when she said, “It was good to be reminded – sometimes you just have to say – Oh that’s right! I almost forgot” This is why it’s good to go to a wedding once in a while.
Now I understand that there are extreme circumstances that cannot be reconciled in a marriage – abuse – physical and mental – and by staying with that partner you could be putting your life and your children’s lives in danger. This is understandable and cannot be ignored – nor should the party that has to leave feel guilty or allow others to make you feel that way. God is a loving and forgiving God – and I am a firm believer in “second chances” for those that have been involved in a bad first marriage.
But for the rest of us – here is my challenge today: Remember those vows and commitment you made on that wedding day many years ago. What God has blessed then – He will continue to bless – and it will repeat through your children and their children too. Sometimes we just “forget”. We need a gentle reminder – like a wedding.
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