Musings From A Musical Mind

Archive for the ‘writing’ Category

On The Hill

Mountains - Autumn in Denali

Mountains – Autumn in Denali (Photo credit: blmiers2)

I have a new appreciation for the Olympic athletes.  The years of sacrifice and lost childhood.  Dedication to their craft – a single, gut-wrenching focus.  Muscles, determination and low body fat.  No fatty foods, like chocolate.  No pizza.  I like pizza.

And so – feeling less than adequate compared to the chiseled young bodies – I am on a personal quest of health and fitness – at 50+.

There is a really steep stupid hill adjacent to our home.  I say stupid because it has a steep descent to the bottom (where Maple Valley Hwy is) that takes a good 10 minutes walking at a normal clip.  To turn around and walk straight up it is – well – STUPID!  But because we are determined and like those famous Olympians who I’m sure started with a steep hill somewhere in their early training – we press on – past the pain – past the sweat – past the chest pain (in my case) trying to breathe deep and just keep going.

We started doing this last year and in the beginning of the summer it was a torturous feat – and I had to stop many times and just catch my breath.  But by the end of the fall I was pretty good.  Then came the rainy and cold months and the STUPID hill was left on its own. (“Good riddance”, said I)  Until…it became apparent that we needed to take to the hill again because our 2 mile walks were just not cutting it.  This time we had a puppy to go with us.  She LOVES going for a walk – especially off-lease as she is on this path.  Daisy effortlessly RUNS up that stupid hill.  Stopping every now and then to scamper and sniff new and exciting things – then because we’re taking so long she runs down to circle round us a few times and then runs happily on ahead to wait for us again.  This has become our new dance – on the hill.  We huff and puff (OK – I huff and puff) and Greg and Daisy walk up with no problem.  Well – Greg walks – Daisy runs.

I am going to conquer that hill someday – it will not beat me.  I will walk up light and not out of breath – be free and more fit.  Not quite like an Olympian – but for my age an Olympian at heart 🙂

God Bless

Here is the song by Phillip Phillips that is the theme song this year for the women’s gymnastic team 2012.  Enjoy and feel inspired!

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Rewriting The Already Written

An icon for rewriting an article and for other...

An icon for rewriting an article and for other purposes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I did something the other day I had not done in years.  I attended a book reading at a local bookstore, small and eclectic – in the heart of our quaint downtown.  The event was called “An afternoon with Rod Haynes” local writer – and also a member of the church we attend.  Rod is very interesting and has many fun stories he has penned.  He has written three books and in his time with us he read aloud some sections of each.

But it was in my conversation with him before the event began that captured my attention and has given me many thoughtful moments ever since.  He told me that he was not always able to make sense of things in the past that have happened – so he attempted to create a new fictitious ending to a very real story, to gain perspective and to give closure in either a positive or negative way.  He gave a few examples in his time with us – his way of weaving true events with those that he would have liked to have happened.

Maybe you like me, have attempted to make sense of events in your life.  Maybe you’ve even tried to wrap your mind around “your story” as told by you in a way that really did happen, but instead you end up frustrated and overwhelmed.  It could be that the telling would expose those you don’t wish to name – or bring up bad or painful memories.  Either way, I too have thought “one of these days – I will write a book” – but I don’t think it can happen in the “truest” form.  Too much stuff – too “unfinished” – too – yeah you know.

I believe writers can sharpen other writers.  And I believe they can inspire and encourage.  Knowing that Rod has been able to ‘fictitiously’ make sense out of his circumstances and events – has made me curious about mine.  And because anything can happen in our imagination this can also be a very healing tool.  One thing is for sure – I would rewrite the already written.  I would bring closure to a painful period.  Something that has already happened in my dream world.  In fact sometimes dreams can be so real that I actually have awakened up a few times thinking the “thing” was actually resolved.

My rewrite is probably different from yours.  It definitely takes two people to resolve a conflict and begin healing.  Maybe your rewrite would include a person who has already passed away, a parent, a lost child or friend.  Maybe you would say – or have them say the things you have needed to say or hear.  Or maybe still it’s a person (like mine) who is still living and breathing – but who does not want to resolve anything.  Either way – the rewrite would bring that healing and final conclusion – you know – the one that would actually make sense – bring healing and set you free.

We all have a story to tell – and whether it’s just “I’m sorry” or in my case “All is forgiven, what took you so long to come around again?”  It’s your story – and maybe you need to write it.

Here’s to – ‘Rewriting The Already Written’ – letting go of pain and replacing with things that finally make sense.  Bringing good out of chaos and lessons learned.  Bringing full resolution to your heart and soul.

God Bless

Freedom To Be Me

god

god (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I was watching a Joyce Meyer video teaching this morning during my morning devotional time – as is my custom the last couple of months.  She is direct and motivating in her teaching style – and I appreciate that she speaks from a place of personal pain and victory – mistakes and repentance – experience and transparency.  She is quick to say how far gone she would be without the grace of God – His love and mercy.

Today she was talking about being ‘good to yourself’, getting enough rest, not overdoing, finding balance.  And appreciating those in her life that give her the freedom to be herself.

She told of how she has that kind of relationship with her own daughter, the two of them can have something planned – but if she has to cancel or just simply doesn’t feel right about it – or just doesn’t want to do it – there are no questions.  Her daughter just says, “fine – no problem, whatever you want to do”.

What freedom to have people in your life where you don’t have to explain yourself – you can just do or not do.  Sometimes we take this for granted – this is a HUGE thing.  Acceptance, no questions – just freedom to be me.  How rare a gift this is!

Life and people can bring expectations.  Unspoken (and sometimes spoken) list of expectations as to behavior, protocol and proper procedure.  Sometimes those that place those spoken and unspoken “rules” on us – are coming from their own place of insecurity,  lack of information and fear of losing control.  We tense up or “clam up” when around them.  And whether real or imagined – it seems real to us.

I love that God does not place any “expectations” on us.  He is not just some ‘big giant in the sky’ – or mean father above ready to pounce on us when we mess up.  He waits for us, like a gentleman.  He comes in love.  He pursues us at our own pace – because He knows us.

 There is no one that knows me like He does – and because He knows me, He also knows what motivates me.  He is an expert on me.  He wrote the “Master’s Class on Cindy”.  Even the closest people in my life have messed up in this area – because of their own personal perspective and agenda – but  GOD never does.  He treats me the same – loves no matter what – and gives me freedom to be me.

I’m glad to have a heavenly father who is easy to be around – peaceful and easy.  I do not fear that I cannot talk to Him about the things on my mind – my concerns and pain – my little funny quirks and thought patterns.  He knows it all – understands and still allows me to be me.

Even if you are not lucky enough to have people in your life that allow you this freedom (I am lucky, I have several) I am hoping you will allow the love of God to invade your chaos, your feeling that “nobody gets me” – or “nobody really understands me” and release that to the one who made you.  What you will find is one who knows you best and loves you most.  He wants you to experience that freedom. That freedom that comes from being uniquely you.

I am praying for you

 

God Bless

New Dream

dreams and wishes. 62/365

Image by nicole.pierce.photography ♥ via Flickr

I looked for someone

like searching in a fog

chasing after

an endless mist

straining for

that unattainable someone

or something

thinking that it would satisfy

what’s deep within

heart-sick and weary

all my efforts

came up empty

and my searching

and reaching

brought no relief

for I found

that in the searching

it was me that I found instead

alone and empty

sad and confused

“Is what I seek

my dream only?

never satisfied

why do

I continue to pursue?

Are my “dreams” just those I make up

bringing emptiness

and endless struggle

instead of fulfillment

and relief?”

And yet I searched for you

my unobtainable someone

and something

that threatened to destroy

and devour me

The one I craved

the things I craved

could be my undoing

and the searching

and dreaming for them

like a slow death

And at the end of the road

I was still there

running on empty

defeated and broken…

It was when I was at my weakest

and tired of running after

and insisting on my own way

that He came

and I heard

a still small voice

and in my confusion

and tears

which caused me to slow down

be still

and listen

that I heard Him

that voice changed me

as He reached in

and held the broken

and confused me

and finally I don’t need to know

all the reasons for before

I reluctantly surrender

and replace

all the running

and searching

for something unknown

instead of something

that does not satisfy

and begin a new path

with His dreams

and plans for me

and at the end of the road

there is no disappointment

and emptiness

or brokenness

and I have almost 

vanished from view

even though

my selfishness and pride

are still there

but they are covered

and kept in check

and it is He that is waiting

giving me

a new dream

which fulfills

and satisfies

instead of

all the things

I wanted

and thought I needed

He is giving me

much more

than I could ever dream

as He replaces my will

with new people

new things

and a new dream

 

What is your dream today?  Have you surrendered yours for His?

 

God Bless

 

 

The Crazy World Of Writers

I have been a writer all my life.  Long before I kept a blog, writing different articles on anything that would ‘strike my fancy’ – I kept a blog in my head – and before that – in a journal.  I really discovered my serious love for writing over 2 years ago.  It is a strange and crazy world that few understand.  A world where  subjects are explored and where there is a certain freedom and anonymity.  Most that read my writings and scribblings, ideas, opinions and humorous take on life – do not know me personally.  Some do.  But those who do know me, rarely read my stuff.  Instead it is the “writers from another mother” who I converse with on a daily basis – and whose writings have blessed and touched me in return.

Writers have something basic in common.  It transcends gender and generation.  It is intangible and undefined.  It is, simply – a likeness of mind.  A desire to be heard and understood.  A passion for getting thoughts and opinions out there.  It is a serious calling – one that can be misunderstood, taken for granted, swept under the carpet, marginalized and judged.  But for those of us that feel we have something “God-given” to say – to NOT say it –  is like muzzling a horse – and constraining the inner voice.

There is a whole crazy thought life inside the writer.  Our ‘take’ on life is different from anybody else.  We paint the canvas with our words.  We see things differently – with verbs, adjectives and metaphors – that pour out of us.  A good story – and a wonderfully crafted paragraph is inspiring to us – and the finished product of yet another piece gives us a ‘high’ like nothing else.

Writers embrace new thoughts and ideas like no other – usually prolific readers – we love thought and reason – see romance in new ideas and peace and fulfillment in clear and uncompromising opinion.  It makes us happy to be in that world – and to take others along with us – those that really get it.

Here’s to all of you – those that are in this crazy world of writing.  Those that have something to say.  Those who will not be silenced.  Keep writing – there are those of us who are reading.   You are valued and important.  I salute you today.

God Bless

Sunshine On A Cold Day

Brooklyn Museum - In Spring Sunshine - Charles...

Image via Wikipedia

I took a walk today

watched the trees starting to bloom

and heard the birds sing

I tried to empty out all the stress

and things to do

from my mind

I walked past men working on a roof

and heard the loud sounds of a pressure washer at work

they took no notice of me

walking by

I was aware of cars driving by me

of others out for a walk

and tried to find a place

where I could be alone for a moment

quiet my mind

release the unanswered questions

of past

and regret

I tried to concentrate

on the blessings instead

the many new friends on my journey

and the simple things

like sunshine on a cold day

But this spring is taking longer

than other springs

this lesson

is taking longer to learn

than other lessons

And I’m finding

It is the smallest things

that are the biggest miracle

They are found

in the most unlikely places

and that is where true release comes

It is a step

on a never-ending journey

to lose

and yet

to find

a place of true rest

and of true peace

like sunshine on a cold day

And I believe

although I cannot feel it yet

that the chill in the air

will soon turn warm

and the sunshine

will penetrate the cold

and shine warmth down

on my face

although I cannot feel it

it is still coming

Today is like a kiss

a promise

of more

than just sunshine on a cold day

Depending On How You Look At It

This image was first published in the 1 st (18...

Image via Wikipedia

Twenty years ago I fell on some rocks at the ocean in California where we were living at the time.  As fate would have it – I broke my fall with my strong side – and my strong hand and arm.  My hand was  so painful by the next morning I couldn’t move it and had to go to the doctor – who rushed me into x-ray where the technicians move your already injured hand in twisted and contorted positions to get a proper ‘read’.  Ouch.  Anyway it was determined that a tiny bone was broken and they put me in a cast up to my elbow.  I had to wear the stupid thing for 6 weeks – and at the time Greg was pastoring a small church and I was the ONLY one to play piano.  Needless to say – we went acappella for all that time I was out of commission.  It was terribly pesky – I couldn’t write or anything – even eating was hard – I can’t do anything well with my left hand.

Several years ago I fell down some cement steps at our church – on a Sunday morning.  It was very embarrassing and painful too.  I ended up going to the doctor and found that I had broken my foot.  And as fate would have it – it was my right foot, which meant that I couldn’t drive a car – or push the sustain pedal down for the piano – not sure which was worse, being that I am a music teacher and accompany my voice students – it is part of what I do each day.  Driving – playing piano with the pedal – it was a toss-up.  And to add even more drama – Greg was doing some remodelling in our home at the time – putting wood stairs and railings to our 2 story entry way of our house – so during the time of my ‘infirmity’ there was NO RAILING for the stairs and I literally had to hug the wall coming down from the bedroom to the first floor of our home every time I went back and forth.  It must have looked HILARIOUS to anyone watching.  I felt completely handicapped and miserable – didn’t think I’d ever have a normal foot again – and in fact when I would take the ‘boot’ off to shower or to sleep – I was so glad to put in back on again – as I would have the protection – and was afraid of being injured again – my foot was SO tender.

While I was in this injured state – Greg drove me to the grocery store one day.  We parked the car and Greg came around to get me and walk me in.   There was a cross-walk directing in front of one of the entrances and we needed to wait for the cars – or have them wait for us – whichever was the case at the time.  When it was clear we started across very slowly. A car that was stopped and now waiting for us to get safely across – and this was now visible to my dear husband.  If you know my husband you know that he is the most gracious man in the world – does not have an enemy and always tries to do the right thing.  He is generous to a fault and would never want to inconvenience anyone.  And so this car having to ‘wait’ for us really bothered him – and he proceeded to drag me across the intersection.  Looking back – it must have been hilarious to onlookers.  But at the time – I was NOT amused.  After all folks – I was handicapped – and I thought to myself, ‘let them wait’!

It is different to each of us – depending on how you look at it.

And so it is with each of us on this journey – called life. Some are gracious – some are impatient – some let life pass them by – some wonder what happened.

I no longer have to wear that cast or boot and I’m glad that I am not ‘handicapped’ anymore.  At least in the obvious physical way – we all have our internal disabilities that no one sees.  The part that is just between us and God.  And those physical limitations are always going to be there – especially the older I get.  My shoulders, neck and back are not what they used to be and because I carry all my stress there – during a production week like this one – I struggle all week-long – not to feel handicapped – but to feel normal. Hmmm – what is normal?

But normal is relative too – depending on how you look at it. 😉

 

God Bless

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