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The other day I was out with Greg after a long exhausting day – first to a friends’ memorial service and then to a wedding – back to back. Talk about the range of emotions! And the day before that we had taken a long road trip to visit our new puppy. So we went from happy to sad back to happy in a very short amount of time.
At the end of the wedding – we decided to stop at Forza, a coffee place in Puyallup, for a coffee and muffin to share. While there, seated at a high table with matching high chairs – we were sipping our coffee and we began reflecting on the couple of days. Because there were other customers in the coffee shop, one that was directing behind Greg’s left shoulder, I had to talk to him in “code”.
You know – the “code”. The kind of talk that two people should understand when living with someone as long as we have. It’s “talking” – but not really saying anything. Smaller words – hand gestures, eye contact and facial expressions. And because the subject was delicate and sensitive – especially the memorial service – I was trying to be “discreet”.
Women totally understand this “code” and use it often. For example, when I’m with my daughter in public – all we have to do is look at each other – or she raises her eyebrows and looks at something and I know EXACTLY what she means. All in a “look”.
What I forgot when using this “code” on Greg is that he most definitely is NOT a woman. Nor does he understand the “code” at all. It was disheartening and hilarious at the same time. Here I was trying to be “discreet” and all sly, using gestures and silent communication – thinking, “he will get this – he looks interested, but puzzled – but I’m sure he’s just mulling it over” – so I kept going. Only to have him (some minutes later) say to me, “Huh? – I don’t get it”
I realized that this “code” works only for women – and occasionally I forget that Greg is NOT like me – but he’s a MAN. Oh – I know that he’s a man – and believe me – I wouldn’t want it any other way – but sometimes it’s frustrating because he doesn’t use the “code”.
We ended the conversation with much laughter – all the way out to the car – me explaining that I didn’t want the WHOLE coffee shop knowing what I was trying to be discreet about. And S P E L L I N G I T O U T wouldn’t exactly have been the best way to do this. It was a great moment for both of us – and showed us that as much as we get along and are great friends – he will NEVER be able to think like a woman – and I will NEVER be able to think like a man.
No, I will need my daughter and woman friends – if I want to talk in “code” out in public – and maybe it’s better this way, after all 🙂
Have you ever used a “code” when talking in public? Has someone used the “code” on you” And if you’re a man reading this, you’re probably saying, “What is a “code”?”