Yesterday Greg performed a funeral service for someone we had known for several years – who had recently lost her husband to cancer. While at the service, one of the senior ladies came up to him and told him she was getting married again. “I finally landed him” she said of another man who was recently widowed. Well this gave us a good laugh and proves once and for all that anyone can get married – at any age – love seems to have limits or requirements – and let’s face it – most people don’t want to be alone. They would rather marry again – anyone rather than be alone. So this sparked a very colorful and fun conversation and got us really thinking about what it would be like if something happened to one of us and we found ourselves single again.
It came up because we were marveling at how people can go back after being married to the same person for so many years – and start over and date. Now mind you we have been married for 30 years this September and neither of us have been on one of those ‘dates’ in more than 30 years – Oh we date now – sweet little outings that are more about connecting and romance then they are about getting to know each other like on a first or second date – but we haven’t ‘dated’ in years – in fact I’m not sure we ever did. I’m not sure I would know how. We went from being friends into a relationship pretty fast back in college and sort of skipped over that part. I would have to say that my last actual ‘date’ was with some creepy guy at college who asked me to the spring banquet. I didn’t think he was creepy until that evening – but none-the-less it is my memory of that evening – and the last real ‘date’ I was ever on.
I think ‘dating’ is highly over rated – not for the faint-hearted – and certainly something I would probably avoid altogether if I was back in a situation that left me alone and single. Let’s face it – there are some pretty scary people out there. I know. I’ve had some of these people as friends over the years. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if married to one of them. And let’s face it – someone can appear a certain way as a friend and then be completely different in real life – the daily grind, living, paying bills, through sickness and financial reversal. And getting to be comfortable again with someone else – hard to do. I mean – can you imagine it? I can’t.
And so there we were – having one of those moments trying to take it all in – imagining what would happen if something should happen to one of us – and force the other one back in the ‘dating pool’ – just when you thought it was safe to be single. I teased him and told him he would have all sorts of women coming out of the wood work to get a shot at him – I’m sure they would come, it’s hard to find a decent hardworking man who is good-looking, kind generous and so on – he’s a find for sure – and a minority in the sea of so many single women. He’s so great that several years ago I had someone even picked out for him to replace me upon my ultimate demise – a wonderful single gal from our church who was recently widowed with a small son. And then she ruined everything and up and got married!! Can you believe that? We’ve had many laughs over it – in fact I even told this woman about it – and she was flattered – she got married to someone else – but still flattered 🙂 Man – can’t anyone wait anymore? Sigh. I have found NO ONE since her.
But I do applaud all those friends in our lives that have chosen to be single. It is not for everyone – and I think it takes real courage to remain so. But there’s no one I admire more than the person who finds themselves single again due to a death of a spouse or a bad divorce. Being ‘out there’ again is scary. It takes real-time to grieve and grieve properly and fully before being ready to try again. But we have known some of these wonderful people who have actually found love a second time around – and no one deserves it more than they do. It should give all of us hope that God is really a God of reconciliation, love, forgiveness and second chances. I love that about Him. These wonderful friends somehow pulled themselves up – went through all the ‘first dates’ and scary things that all single people have to do – and still they were able to work through all those emotions and find someone wonderful 🙂 Is there more than one special person for everyone? You bet!
But as for me – I’m way too picky. Greg has spoiled me for anyone else. And No – he hasn’t picked out any guy for me upon his ultimate demise. Men don’t do that – being territorial and all of that. And he thinks no one could take care of me in the fashion in which I am used to – so it would be a moot point. So I’m afraid it would be up to me in that case. I’m sure I would be lonely but would also enjoy being single and not be anxious to be on that train again and be ‘out there’. I have a few girlfriends who feel the same way – being in another relationship is simply not an option for them right now.
We’ve all heard the horror stories of how people actually change – just when you think you know everything about them. Those that did not give it enough time – and they find themselves in a relationship with someone who turned out to be abusive or controlling – changing personality just when they thought they knew them. That’s not for me. I would have to know someone as a friend for a long while – to feel that I knew him through all the different seasons of life. I don’t think I would ever ‘date’. Nope it’s not for me.
For those of you that have found that special love a second time around – after being ‘out there’ – I want you to know that I respect you and I’m so happy for you. That takes such great courage to find another relationship that works and that makes you so happy. You are true heroes.
And for those of you that haven’t – just remember you could always ‘date’ again – just when you thought it was safe being single… 😉