Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘High School’

A Dream Within A Dream

I have a recurring dream.  I’ve had it off and on since my high school days, some 35 years or so.  It is always the same theme, although many elements of the dream are different each time.  Two things are always the same:

1) I can never remember my locker combination (or sometimes can’t even find the locker)

Locker

Locker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

and

2) I don’t know my class schedule, remember what the assigned material is or even find any of my classes (in each dream the school is different).

I can only assume each time I have a dream with this same theme, that there is something unresolved from my past and for whatever reason, because I cannot solve it – it keeps happening.

Last night I was dreaming the same dream and like so many times before felt those same feeling of helplessness and frustration, when suddenly I decided to DO SOMETHING about it!

I became present inside my dream – kind of like a dream within a dream –  and took control of where it was going.  I grabbed some poor person that happened to be standing by me in the hallway and said, “take me to the office RIGHT NOW!”  I don’t know who it was, neither male or female, but it didn’t matter in the dream – I just needed someone to point me to the office.  Many times before in these same dreams I couldn’t even find the office – but this time it was going to be different!

I arrived with this person at the office and said to the person behind the desk, “Could I please have a copy of my locker combination and a copy of my class schedule?   Look – you have to understand – I will NEVER be able to remember them and need help – AND it is very possible that I will come here again and need the same kind of help – can you do this for me?”

It was there that my dream ended.  I’m curious to know if I am able to stop these stupid recurring dreams and maybe the key was to take control of the situation, I guess I’ll have to see.

Dreams are funny.  Some say they hold symbolism that is key to unlocking your subconscious, others like my husband say that they don’t hold any meaning, it’s just your over action imagination going wild while you sleep.  I guess I fall in the middle somewhere.  I do know that I’ve had closure with people in my dreams where I’ve never had closure while I’m awake.  Five minutes within a dream can “fix” so many things.  One old friend in particular visited me in a dream a couple of times in the last few years and we had a lovely conversation, the relationship was mended and things were said that needed to be said.  There was a sweet hug and everything was fine.  In that moment all the doubt and raw emotions were finally brought to right.  For me, it brought closure and reassurance.  I’ve heard people say that they have had similar conversations of closure with loved ones who have passed away.

Is it our wishful thinking that makes these things happen?  Closure and explanation – when in reality, there is none?  I would like to think that there is.

What dreams do you dream?  Do you find closure and comfort in things that have none?  Do you have conversations with those that have passed away – or walked away from a relationship with you?  Have you ever stepped in to your dream and “fixed” something?

 

God Bless

A Touch Of Nostalgia

Yes that’s me.  My senior picture taken in the summer of 1978 for my year of graduation – 1979.

This morning I received an invitation on facebook from a former high school class mate – to join “schoolFeed” a website somewhat like “Classmates.com”.  Naturally I was curious and was surprised to see many people I recognize (well, at least I recognize their names) from high school.  It is a website that allows you to post pictures, interest, bio and stats, including a senior photo – so others can tell it’s really you.

I’ve never been too interested in this kind of stuff before – because frankly – I keep in touch with those I want to and have never sought out the others I did not have relationship with past high school.   Usually for most of us, high school is a time of dark murky waters of self-consciousness and humiliation – mixed in with some of the best times of our lives.  For me – an old boyfriend or two has a tendency to pop up on sites like this and although amusing – it’s sometimes better to leave the past in the past.  Heartbreaks and relationship issues – especially in high school are dicey at best.

My good times in high school revolve around my musical and dramatic involvement – NOT the academic arena.  In fact – I can hardly remember what I learned back them – don’t remember ever having homework but managed to pull “A’s” and “B’s” in most classes.  But I remember almost every play I was involved in and every piece of music I sang in our concert and Jazz choir.

But when I look back on high school  – it is not with all fondness.  It was an age of awkwardness, not being sure enough of myself – to really be myself and mostly a time of great regret for me personally.  As one of the few Christians in my high school – I know I could have spoken up more – and tried to make more of a difference, but I didn’t.  I know I did not handle a couple of situations in the right way.  Who really acts in a grown-up way before the age of 18?  But still – it is something I think about.

I have this weird recurring dream too.  I’m back in high school – can’t remember my locker combination – can find my class, etc.  When I finally do find a schedule for classes – I’m in one (after roaming the halls forever)  too late in the quarter and don’t have any idea what they’re talking about – and there’s a real possibility I won’t graduate.  Now in the light of day this is a silly dream (if there really is such a thing)  I not only graduated, but went on to be a college graduate as well.

The only explanation that Greg and I have ever been able to come up with is this:

Somewhere deep down – I have the feeling of “unfinished business”.  And this is something I have never been able to shake.

So finding some of these people online whom I have not had a face-to-face conversation since 1979 – is surreal.  Gotta love facebook for bringing past people back into our present.  What we do with them is our choice.

And because we can never go back – I have to believe that those circumstances, pain and regret have made me who I am today.  Without them – I would not have learned how to handle heartbreak and regret, or to be able to find a long-lasting relationship – and know the difference.

But I do want to reconnect with those from my past that make me smile.  Those I’ve forgotten about, as they went on their way to “do life”.  Share wonderful memories of fun things we did – remember teachers and events and talking about how old and mature we thought we were.  But most of all – I would love to take what I know now about people and life in general – and walk those high school halls again, find those people whom I hurt and who hurt me – and make things right in person.

What are your best and worst high school memories?  Do you like connecting with others from your past?  What would you do if you could go back with what you know now?

God Bless

Feels Like Home – sung by Linda Ronstadt – remember her?

Marriage

Image by jcoterhals via Flickr

Growing up in the 70’s (at least my junior high and high school years) I couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing Linda Ronstadt at least once a day.  Who could forget the song she made famous, “You’re no good“?  She had a very unique voice and it was easy to recognize within the first few measures of a song.

What you may not know is that Linda was not just good at belting out the pop hits in the 70’s but later went on to do several Jazz albums and one from  the 40’s.  One of my music professors once told me that her very favorite artist in that 40’s genre – was Linda Ronstadt – a good 5 years past the time I had listened to her in high school.  There probably isn’t anything that this artist can’t sing – but I must say that I was pleasantly surprised to stumble on this great song written by Randy Newman called “Feels like home”.  Many have tried to copy it since she sang it – but she really is the owner – plain and simple.  And although I really loved it when hearing other covers – it truly is best by Linda.  Take a listen and see if you don’t agree.

I’m dedicating this to my dear husband of almost 30 years – Greg.  He is truly my best friend and partner – he accepts me just as I am – with my many shortcomings and flaws and shows tireless love and devotion to me – making me feel like I was pretty smart to have found and married him – all those years ago.  It’s wonderful to find a deep love and friendship with your partner that only grows richer over time.  I wish the same for you and yours.

God Bless

There’s something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your arms,
There’s something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long I’ve been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you’ve done

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down on lumdard street
And a siren wails in the night
But I’m all right cuz I have you here with me,
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

Well if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I’d love anyone so much

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong.

Guest Post Deanna Morauski – My Good Friend

I read this article yesterday, from my good friend Deanna.  It is so good I just had to share it with you today.

It will make you laugh – and also really make you think about what you wish someone would have told you back when you were just graduating high school.

Deanna is more than just a good friend.  I have watched her life for over 15 years now.  She and her husband, John served on staff with my husband for 5 years in Renton, Washington – and then they moved on to plant a church in North Bend, Washington.  We lost track of each other – this was before internet and then found each other again 2 1/2 years ago on facebook.  By this time John and Deanna were getting ready to launch their new Bed and Breakfast located in the scenic mountains of North Bend.  Check out their website: The Old Hen  She is a gifted writer and speaker, encourager, wife and mom.  Her humorous writing and speaking make others feel comfortable around her and she is a joy to watch as she bakes, cooks and thinks of other clever ways to get across words of hope.  You will be touched and blessed by reading her articles filled with love.

Enjoy and God Bless!

30 things I wish someone had told me when I graduated from high school

My friends and I (front right) on our senior trip

An open note to dotter and to all the girls of the graduating class of 2011:

1. Never stick your wet hand in the freezer. For that matter, don’t stick any wet limbs in the freezer.

2. The easiest way to learn something is to watch others. If they make great choices, take note. If they make bad choices, take note. If they make good choices but get bad results, watch how they deal with it. If they make bad choices and get good results, watch how it all catches up with them sooner or later.

3. In all circumstances be humble. Even during those times when you know you are the only one who “gets it”.

4. When God talks to you:

  • He won’t mumble, waste your time or be confusing. Although he may have you wait on his answer for his loving reasons.
  • He won’t go against his own word, the Bible.
  • He won’t tempt you to take the easy route.
  • And he won’t let others vote on his plan for you nor will he broadcast his plan for you through someone else.

5. Eat real food. Eat a rainbow of colors for your health unless the rainbow comes in candy form. Stay away from the middle grocery aisles as much as possible.

6. When you have a family of your own, you don’t have to make the same mistakes you saw us make while you were growing up. You will make plenty of your own – and that is okay. Then, God will use our mistakes to remind us of how hard life is so that we can support you empathetically.

7. Pray for Mr. Right until and after you meet him. When you find Mr. Right, put him through the test to make sure he can handle it when you disagree or say no. Pray for him even more on the night he is introduced to your father.

8. If you lose your children in the clothing department, don’t panic. They are probably just under the clothing racks.

9. It is perfectly okay, and normal even, to cry. Just don’t use tears to manipulate. Make sure the people you cry in front of are safe people and never cry during a business meeting.

10. Things you must have in your kitchen: a bench scraper, a great spatula, a KitchenAid mixer – if it has not been inherited then it should be in your favorite color and glass jars which are awesome in oh so many ways (who knew they could be so handy?).

11. Accumulated interest can work terribly against you when you have credit cards or incredibly for you when you put your money into a savings account. Save at least 15% of what you make and increase that by putting any pay raises into savings as well. Learn to live on less.

12. Learn something new everyday. Be delighted by this when you do. I learned how to cook noodles at 25, found out I didn’t know it all at 30, learned to drive safer and slower at 35 and learned how to make good gravy at 40.

13. Friendships are started and become meaningful one person at a time.

14. Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know until you find out what you didn’t know that you thought you did.

15. Never put noodles in the water before it reaches the boiling point and never cook them too long.

16. You will begin to think like those you spend time with. Surround yourself with those you want to grow up to be like and help the other people who are hurting.

17. No one in any position is any better than you are. You are equal in value to them. Don’t allow them to make you think otherwise.  Respect their position but never place yourself lower in God’s eyes.

18. God won’t show you something new until you learn what he is showing you right now. Don’t avoid today’s lesson. It will be uncomfortable but you can do it.

19. Remember, a woman brings life into her home and her community. Your role is so very important. You can never be replaced.

20. Google does not have all the answers. Everything put into computers is generated by humans and they are, well, you know, human.

21. Bullies aren’t out to get you. They are out to fix something that is broken within themselves. Don’t let angry people get you down.

22. Take advantage of every sunshiney day. Take walks, go on hikes, and play frisbee with people you love. Especially if you continue to live in Washington.

23. Even when you are done with school, keep reading.

24. Just when you are about to give up is probably when you will break-thru the hardest part of your journey. Learn and be patient during those times. It’s more about who we become in the process and less about where we end up.

25. Always choose like-minded roommates and always write a check or get a receipt for your rent or house payments. Don’t ask me how I know these things. I just do.

26. Always remember a salesman’s job is to sell you something. Again, don’t ask me how I know this.

27. Some people are deathly allergic to peanuts. If you make something with nut products, always place the same kind of nut it’s made with on the treat as a garnish. Never lie about a product containing nuts, caffeine, etc. It applies to many areas of life that someone’s well-being could depend on your honesty.

28. Integrity isn’t just about being honest with God and others as it begins with being honest with yourself.

29. Men have feelings too.

30.  From the time you were born until you were 18 months-old, you learned trust. From eighteen months to the age of three, you learned autonomy. From the ages of three to five you learned initiative. Between the ages of six and twelve, you learned industry. From ages twelve to eighteen, you have now learned who you really are. While we have given you a good life so far, we know there will be areas that will need healing. You are not alone for there are no perfect parents and therefore, no perfect upbringing. We are here for you if you feel broken in the areas of trust, autonomy, initiative, industry and for the times you might struggle with knowing who you are (see number 9).

You are beginning the journey now until the age of thirty-five to learn intimacy in your relationships. Your kids will think you are too old to be cool when you are about thirty-five, but this is when you will  learn how to better everyone’s life – not just your own – in a much deeper way. I know you will enjoy giving back and those you give of yourself to will be so lucky to have you in their lives. Finally, when you are even older you will gain integrity. You will have been real with yourself, God and others and will have a true sense of the meaning of life. There is so much more ahead, so please drive safe.

Love,

Mom

What items are on your list as must knows for graduates?

About deannamorauski

Deanna’s love for baking and cooking began as she sat upon a baker’s stool as a little girl. Her love for people grew in the midst of church potlucks. She expresses her loves today creatively through speaking & video lessons, writing for her foodie blog as well as hosting guests at her inn, The Old Hen Bed & Breakfast in Snoqualmie Valley, Washington.

Rowena’s Song

Film poster for Mr. Holland's Opus - Copyright...

Image via Wikipedia

You will notice that with any tune associated with forbidden or unrequited love – there is an underlying sadness and pain that is tangible in the melody line.  Song writers seem to use a minor key to convey the melancholy feeling that they are feeling.  I have written songs that are like this  about something poignant and cannot be described in any other way – a sweet and sad melody.

In Mr. Holland’s Opus – the lead character, a high school music teacher finds himself drawn to a high school student who clearly has a crush on him.  It is during a time in his life – mid-life, where he is caught in the every day monotony of his life – with no challenge and no meaning – until this young girl walks into his music theater program.  She auditions and has the most incredible singing voice and is cast in Mr. Holland’s musical about George and Ira Gershwin.  Her name is Rowena.  It is during rehearsals that he finds himself fascinated by her – and her to him.  She hears him playing this song on the piano and she begins humming a haunting melody line while he is playing.  It moves him and he goes home and entitles his piece, “Rowena’s Song”.

No – Mr. Holland does not cheat on his wife.  He is clearly flattered by her attention and admiration – but in the end, though tempted – he turns her away and goes home to his wife.  This is the remarkable part of the story.  The sadness and the joy.  The strength of character and the amazing love for his wife that is greater than any temptation.  In this song – you can hear the sadness and the resolve.  My favorite part of the movie.  I hope you will be inspired and moved by its lovely melody.  And I highly recommend the movie “Mr. Holland’s Opus” if you have never seen it.

Now Enjoy – “Rowena’s Song”

God Bless

I’ve Earned My ‘Life’ Stripes

The Passage of Time

Image by ToniVC via Flickr

This morning my husband and I were reflecting on some poignant and growing moments along the journey of our lives and the passage of time.  Each person has events happen – unique to only them – and we are no exception to this.  It is our story – our ‘rite of passage‘ – our legacy.

Many times throughout our lives  – we found ourselves in strange circumstances – only to be followed up by the bizarre and ridiculous.  The stretching and growing things of life – born out of difficulty and contrary circumstances have given us balance and perspective.  Nothing surprises us too much anymore – and we have learned to make it through any storm that life throws at us – wait it out – and know that the sun will shine again someday.  And it always does.

It begins early in our life when seeking to gain independence. And what we always find – is that freedom has a cost.

Our daughter learned this when she moved out of her childhood home and into her own apartment.  Things were free at home – but they came with a cost.  House rules and limitations.  Independence had a price tag – a very high price tag – but she was willing to pay it.  Our son will have to learn the same thing when he is weary of living by our ‘rules’ at home. And grows beyond the constraints of Mom and Dad.  He will feel his itchy feet feeling the need to establish himself in the real world – and to become independent from us – and become a man.

And so it is as we mature – and we develop our own ‘voice’.  We have to count the cost – ask ourselves – “is it worth the price?” and most of the time – if we want it bad enough – it is. It means stepping out – taking a leap of faith and going for it – no matter what others say.  This is how we gain wisdom and experience.  Sometimes good experiences – sometimes bad.  Sometimes we keep our cool – sometimes we don’t.  But we learn.  By necessity – we learn.

It is in those experiences that we earn our ‘life’ stripes.  We get to a certain age and wear them proudly – displaying them in our faces  – the many laugh lines and stress lines too – and in our bodies – worn out by wear and tear – year after year.  This all too – is part of what we earn.  Part of the lessons of life that you can’t teach to others – it is what you have to live through – experience  – and be willing to make it through to the other side.  Our ‘life’ stripes have bought us our independence and ‘our story’  – but it has also come at a very high price. Loss of friendships and of ideals.  A  new-found awareness that people can be unkind and even cruel – leading to a resignation of how things are.  And how things will continue to be.  A forever loss of innocence.

But in the midst of all of this ‘life’ – I’m proud to say that God has been at the center of everything we have ever gone through as a family – or as a married couple.  We’ve made plenty of mistakes – and will continue to make them – because we are not perfect – in fact hopelessly flawed and in need of a Savior every day to save us from our selfish ways.  I’m thankful that because of His great love and patience for us – we are able to do as well as we do – all with a sense of humor and kindness.  He gives us our ‘life’ stripes and we proudly display them – day after day – year after year.  And in this new ‘season’ of life that we have found ourselves in – we have found life to be very sweet – and God has replaced the bad with good – and given us way more than we deserve – a wonderful family and friends that are daily in our lives – supporting us and making us thankful every day.  And when life seems hard and not fair – I find myself coming back to what I know.  That He is good.

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness – even when I am not faithful.

Thank you Lord for your patience – when I am so impatient.

Thank you for the hard lessons you have brought me through – even when I was unteachable and stubborn.

Thank you that I have the  ability to look back over the years and see your hand over my life – for your protection and great love and for thinking me worthy enough to handle the strict discipline of your love.

Yes – I’ve earned them.  I’ve earned my ‘life’ stripes.

Thank you.

God Bless

11 Things You Didn’t Learn In School

Cover of "Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why Amer...

Cover via Amazon

I just had to ‘borrow’ this list after seeing it today.  I think it works for everyone – and not just kids.

Enjoy!

11 THINGS YOU DIDN’T LEARN IN SCHOOL

from Dumbing Down Our Kids by Charles Sykes

Rule #1

Life is not fair – get used to it.

Rule #2

The world won’t care about your self-esteem.  The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule #3

You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school.  You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone, until you earn both.

Rule #4

If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.  He doesn’t have tenure.

Rule #5

Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping – they called it Opportunity.

Rule #6

If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule #7

Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are.  So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule #8

Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not.  In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer.  This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule #9

Life is not divided into semesters.  You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.  Do that on your own time.

Rule #10

Television is NOT real life.  In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule #11

Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

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