Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘husbands’

Skipping Ahead

Sometimes with all good intentions, we think we are hearing and communicating correctly.  But if you have a mind like mine – you may be missing things and actually skipping ahead.

Check Engine light on a 1996 Dodge Caravan.

Check Engine light on a 1996 Dodge Caravan. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This happened the other day.  I was sure that Greg had said something.  My car had a flashing “check engine light” all the way to church.  He had preceded me to church to play drums for the youth, taking part in the services.  I got to church and found Greg to tell him about the flashing light.  A solid “check engine light” is nothing new to this car.  There are things that eventually need to be fixed and we’ve done everything we can – or I should say everything we want to spend money on.  But this flashing light was something new.  As I finished letting Greg know – I was sure that he said, “I’ll need to call Steve about that and during the message I can go out and take a look – it’s the only time I have to do that”.  He started to walk back up to the drums and I asked, “do you have your keys to the car”?  He looked at me blankly for a moment and then said rather cautiously, “yes” – with a sidelong glance.

For a second I wondered why.  Greg never carries more keys on his person than he has to.  He usually never has my car keys because he has his truck keys.  But since retiring from a night window washing job he had been able to lighten up the load of keys he was carrying around for that job.  Maybe, I thought – he has permanently put my keys on his truck ring.  I guess that’s it, I reasoned.

The song service and special youth numbers came to a close and it was the time right before the message.  Greg came down from the platform and placed his phone and other papers beside me and said, “I’ll be right back”.  I thought, “good – he’s going to look at that light and make sure the car isn’t going to blow up while I’m driving home!”  In about 5 minutes he was back – sneaking in during the prayer time.  I whispered, “is everything okay??”  He didn’t answer.  I said again, “is it okay??”  He looked at me puzzled – as if he didn’t hear me and said, “what?”  I whispered directly in his ear, “the car – is it okay??”  He answered, “I don’t know I didn’t look – I went to the bathroom.”  “But didn’t you say you were going to look at the car during the message?”  “No”.

It was a most frustrating but amusing moment.  I had evidently skipped ahead to another whole chapter – maybe even two or three!  When Greg joined me at home later that morning we had a fun time trying to figure out just what he had meant.  He had absolutely no recollection of saying what he did!  Nothing about checking the engine during the message – nothing!!  You can imagine how we laughed when he thought I was asking him how he did in the bathroom!  And why was I asking if he had the keys to the car!  Funny – good times!

I was pondering this funny moment since it happened on Mother’s Day.  How many times do I skip ahead feeling justified to ask for answers, demand results and more often than I want to admit – am impatient with those not on our same page?  More than once – I can assure you.

This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

I hear and fill in those empty spaces with things I want – or that sound logical to me, forgetting that not everyone thinks like me.  This happens too often and reminds me that I must slow down – not only my words – but also my thought process.  Slowing down is hard for me.  My body may not always cooperate but my mind has always been quick.  I have always been a step or two ahead.  I am a planner.  I like to have things organized – especially in my thinking.  In this way I can feel in control.

But what does God require of me?

Be still and know that I am God

Psalm 46:10

There it is.  Be still.  What does that mean?  To be still is to be quiet in my mind.  Meditate on God’s love and peace breathed in my life.  Nothing else.  No agenda, no planning, no anticipating.  No skipping ahead.

This is a daily discipline for me.  To slow down.  Take one day as it comes with all its wonders and discoveries.  To ponder.  To relish, reflect and  to be still.

My prayer for you today is that you too will slow down.  You will appreciate the little things.  Take time to stop and ponder.  Really listen.  Stop planning three steps ahead.   To be still.

And may your spouse always be effective in communicating just what they mean.  🙂

God Bless

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Talking In Code

Description: Coffee cortado (An latte art exam...

Image via Wikipedia

The other day I was out with Greg after a long exhausting day – first to a friends’ memorial service and then to a wedding – back to back.  Talk about the range of emotions!  And the day before that we had taken a long road trip to visit our new puppy.   So we went from happy to sad back to happy in a very short amount of time.

At the end of the wedding – we decided to stop at Forza, a coffee place in Puyallup, for a coffee and muffin to share.  While there, seated at a high table with matching high chairs – we were sipping our coffee and we began reflecting on the couple of days.  Because there were other customers in the coffee shop, one that was directing behind Greg’s left shoulder, I had to talk to him in “code”.

You know – the “code”.  The kind of talk that two people should understand when living with someone as long as we have.  It’s “talking” – but not really saying anything.  Smaller words – hand gestures, eye contact and facial expressions.  And because the subject was delicate and sensitive – especially the memorial service – I was trying to be “discreet”.

Women totally understand this “code” and use it often.  For example, when I’m with my daughter in public – all we have to do is look at each other – or she raises her eyebrows and looks at something and I know EXACTLY what she means.  All in a “look”.

What I forgot when using this “code” on Greg is that he most definitely is NOT a woman.  Nor does he understand the “code” at all.  It was disheartening and hilarious at the same time.  Here I was trying to be “discreet” and all sly, using gestures and silent communication – thinking, “he will get this – he looks interested, but puzzled – but I’m sure he’s just mulling it over” – so I kept going.  Only to have him (some minutes later) say to me, “Huh? – I don’t get it”

I realized that this “code” works only for women – and occasionally I forget that Greg is NOT like me – but he’s a MAN.  Oh – I know that he’s a man – and believe me – I wouldn’t want it any other way – but sometimes it’s frustrating because he doesn’t use the “code”.

We ended the conversation with much laughter – all the way out to the car – me explaining that I didn’t want the WHOLE coffee shop knowing what I was trying to be discreet about.  And  S P E L L I N G   I T   O U T  wouldn’t exactly have been the best way to do this.  It was a great moment for both of us – and showed us that as much as we get along and are great friends – he will NEVER be able to think like a woman – and I will NEVER be able to think like a man.

No, I will need my daughter and woman friends – if I want to talk in “code” out in public – and maybe it’s better this way, after all 🙂

Have you ever used a “code” when talking in public?  Has someone used the “code” on you”  And if you’re a man reading this, you’re probably saying, “What is a “code”?”

God Bless

Marriage Makes For Strange Bedfellows

Bed made with white bed linen. Four fluffy pil...

Image via Wikipedia

Greg and I have been married 29 years.  And I still find it a bit unsettling to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and come back to find him there – in my bed. You’d think I’d be used to the idea by now – but it is still a very foreign idea to actually be in the same bed all night with someone.  Marriage does indeed take many adjustments – and it’s all well and good when you’re in a vertical situation – but it is quite another thing altogether when you are horizontal.  And I’m not meaning that in any other way – than just plain sleeping.

I don’t think it’s normal and natural for people to sleep together – I’m more convinced of that than ever.  After all – ‘Royal’ couples never sleep in the same bed chamber (at least when they are  sleeping). And I think they may have the right idea.  They need their “beauty sleep” – and frankly – so do I!

Who started this strange assumption that just because you are married – you have to sleep in the same bed all night?  What kind of warped and twisted mind must you have to evoke that evil plan?  To thrust as it were, two innocent people together all night long and expect that there will be peaceful and effective sleep?  Two people with completely different sleeping habits and sounds?  I think those people need to be hung up by their toenails and whipped soundly until the idea leaves them entirely.

This morning Greg woke up – peered over at me in my sleepy state and grunted, “I HATE this blasted pillow!”  What pillow, you may ask?  It is the pillow that I purchased for him – the contour variety which is very good for the neck and back.  He hates it.  And we have the same discussion every night about it.  He has spent years trying to find just the right pillow – and so I finally intervened and bought the same pillow for him that I use.  When he uses it and elevates his head slightly in our adjustable bed – he doesn’t snore.  It’s wonderful.  It’s bliss.  It’s a kind of freedom that everyone should feel when forced to sleep with someone else of the opposite sex.  But he does not see it that way.  I catch him many times in the middle of the night having an argument with the pillow and I’ve even witnessed him tossing the pillow over the side of the bed – thinking I will not notice.  I always do.

He had me laughing so hard this morning because he was telling me of his nightly “woes” with the pillow.  He even reminded me that I have tried to teach him the ‘proper’ way to lay his head on it – (but he refuses to learn) therefore reducing any stress he might feel.  It is hilarious how stubborn he is about this pillow – and the way he chooses to put his head on it (or doesn’t as the case may be) – and I’ve had many a good laugh over this!  I mean – how hard can it be to put your neck into the contour – the pillow does all the work for you – if you don’t fight it!

Sometimes in the middle of the night it is so hilarious to look over – and then have the reality set in, “I am really married to this man – he looks really dumb”  (I’m sure everyone has thought this at one time or another)  Only at night, though – when he’s fully awake – and upright – he’s very handsome – it must be just in the dark or something – or maybe it’s the pillow.  I don’t know – I’m all confused now.

I like to sleep on my back – and sometimes my side so the pillow is excellent for me.  I’m also very quiet – except when I can’t breathe due to allergies – but that doesn’t happen too often, luckily.  Greg is pretty noisy – breathes loud – sighs loud – snores loud.  Greg like to “spin” and even (*gasp*) sleep on his stomach!  Horrors.  So the ‘pillow’ has cured him and even stopped his snoring – of which I’m delighted.  When he used to snore very badly (before the pillow) we even tried having him in a separate room at night for a few months – but Greg didn’t like it very well.  He was lonely and -Shhh – I think he’s afraid of the dark. So as long as he’s using the pillow and slightly elevated – all is well ☺ And we are back sleeping in the same bed at night.  What a blasted, unthinkable and horrible idea.  But it seems to work ♥  And we sure can see the humor in it and make each other laugh – so it’s worth it.
Except – he HATES the pillow.  Other than that – we are good.

Yes – Marriage makes for very strange bedfellows.

Driving With A Man

I was in the truck – riding shotgun with Greg today – heading down to Costco to pick up a “graduation” cake for a student of mine who is completing level 6 piano at tonight’s recital.  It was an interesting ride – and brought up an interesting topic of discussion:  Why do women appear to ‘nag’ their husbands when they drive?  I have never done this and can boast of NOT being a naggy wife – I’m a pretty ‘live and let live’ kind of person – which is why it is irritating to me when others insist on telling me what to do – or treating me like an infant – don’t like it!  So that being said – I have never said anything about Greg’s driving – until just recently.  I would have to blame it on the fact that we are both approaching those years of – dare we say it – Middle age?  Ouch.  Where reflexes and eyesight are a little compromised?  Again – Ouch.

Now I DO complain out loud about our 18-year-old son’s driving – and I really don’t like to drive in the car with him – although he has a great driving record – only one speeding ticket (in someone else’s car mind you) and no accidents.  But he is ‘edgy’ and drives too fast for me – even though I protest and tell him that I want him to live to see his children and grandchildren – and I also pull the ‘mom’ card and say to him, “can you imagine what would happen to me – if something ever happened to you?”  Oh the guilt.  Oh the emotion.  Shameless.  Don’t care – I would rather he be ”guilted’ and SLOW DOWN and LIVE!!!

But Greg?  He’s the ‘human compass’ and very reliable and safe.  Almost flawless driving record (I am the only member of our family who has a PERFECT driving record even though I am teased by every member of my family for getting honked at – ridiculous!  Or driving too slow!  Outrageous!   I think they’re jealous)  and up to now – has had great timing and reflexes.  But I’ve noticed that just lately he’s been actually SPEEDING UP to red lights – what’s up with that?  And impatient with slow mergers – I say – give them a break – speed isn’t everything!  AND – here’s the point that caused the discussion today – almost missing the fact that cars are slowing down in our lane – and having to jam on the brakes – and sometimes – he doesn’t seem to be paying attention – so – yes – I have to say, “Greg!!!  Are you seeing that car?”  I guess that’s nagging.

So he said to me, “Why do women NAG their husbands about their driving – what’s up with that?”  To which I replied, “now I understand it.  We are afraid for our lives.”  Seeing what’s left of our existence flash before our eyes. All the while trying to hold back from saying anything. Yup that about sums it up.  Fear is a good motivator – and can turn even the most ‘live and let live” person – like myself – into a raving lunatic – complete with ‘nagging’ and other colorful metaphors – at the most appropriate time, of course.

Here’s wishing you a very safe ride – as you journey down the road of life.  And my condolences to those of you that are the passenger in that journey – being driven by a man.

God Bless

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