Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘Romance’

How To Find And Keep A Man

Cover of "He's Just Not That Into You"

Cover of He's Just Not That Into You

In this day and age where it is common for couples to have marital problems and get divorced based on those problems – I thought I would write an article devoted to some well-known ‘secrets’ about finding, loving and keeping a man.

1.  Find a man who thinks you are the sun and the moon and most of the galaxy as well. I love the movie, ‘Run Away Bride’ – where Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts – ‘you need someone who can’t wait for you to wake up in the morning – just to hear what you’re going to say’.  If you have a man like that in your life – you are blessed.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be loved like that.  Greg thinks I’m cute when I first wake up in the morning too!  Greg’s strong stubborn love has literally kept our marriage in tact – when we hit a rough patch.  This is the kind of love you want.  Don’t settle for anyone who will not die and even take the fall for you.

2. Looks are deceiving. A shy guy that is hard-working and has integrity beats the ‘hot’ guy that some girls have to have.  They totally miss the nice man with the kind eyes who will move heaven and earth for them.  Looks never impressed me – if they were there – then it was a bonus – but it was not a deciding factor for me.  Look deeper.  Dig.  You may just find a diamond in the rough.  Choose someone who will protect your heart and never make you cry.  Those men who don’t protect your heart and make you cry are not worth it. Choose someone who prefers you to every other woman he has ever met.  Imagine growing old together and raising a family with him.  Someone who will never look at anyone else the way he looks at you.  Someone who you can trust.  Forever.

3.  Choose someone with a similar background and faith. I believe there is enough struggle in marriage that you should not intentionally give yourself another one.  When someone comes from a similar home and faith – you have that to draw on when times are tough – when raising children and especially teenagers – it takes wisdom and perspective from both sides.  And sometimes your similar faith in God is all you have.  Give yourself every advantage when wanting your marriage to work – long-term.

About 4 years ago I purchased the book ‘He’s just not that into you‘ because I had heard great  things about it.  It reveals the truth behind the verbal and non-verbal phrases and excuses men use when they are ‘just not that into you’.  Because it is written by a man – and how they think   I decided that my daughter needed to have this book.

She had been through some difficult relationships – and was not picking up on the ‘signals’ of non interest early on – therefore propelling herself back into the misery of ‘first time – shame on you – second time – shame on me’ syndrome.

I have some of my own things I wish to modestly submit – having had a few years experience with men.  30 to be exact ♥

1.  You must develop a deep friendship.

Having a friendship with Greg saved our marriage when it went through a dry patch and emotionally hit rock bottom.  He was always first and foremost my best friend – and that saved us.

2.  Expect that things are not always going to feel romantic. If you expect that your marriage will be  always be romantic and based on ‘feelings’ – and I’m talking about passion and intimacy – and feelings of happiness and well-being -you are going to be very disappointed.  If you or your partner gets bored easily and cannot ride things out –  then you may as well pack it in.  Long term marriage isn’t for you.  Very quickly the ‘thrill is gone’ when couples live together – have irritating habits – have children, bills, family problems – and life in general goes sideways.  Feelings like, “I love him – but I’m not in love with him‘ or ‘I don’t feel it anymore’ – are very normal – and it needs to be addressed as such.  When this happened to me – I thought there was something horribly wrong with me – not realizing that you won’t always feel like it.  Some days you won’t even like each other very much.  NORMAL!  I wish somebody would have told me this.

3. Treat him like a King – and he will treat you like his Queen. The woman sets the tone in the home – and with a man.  Even in friendship – it is usually at the pace of the woman.   So – be the first to respect and honor – and it will be returned – how can it NOT be?  A man worth marrying and having in the first place – wants to fall hopelessly under your ‘spell’ – and die in your arms.  We woman tend to get grouchy and ‘naggy’ all the time – instead of growing wiser and adapting to the simple needs of our man.  And I say simple – because men are not as emotional as woman and can compartmentalize issues and relationships in their lives easier than we do.  The basic needs of a man – that include (and are not limited to) food and sex –  and a fundamental need to be admired.  The person that they most want to impress is you!  So you must admire them!  If you don’t – someone else will.  I guarantee it.  Strip a man of his manliness and pride – and take him from being your ‘hero’ and reduce him to a mere shadow of a man by nagging or belittling him – and you are in for SERIOUS issues.  There will be emotional removal, physical absence and much more.  Women have a need to be cared for, listened to and told they are the most wonderful and beautiful woman in the world.  If you don’t listen to her heart – emotionally care for her or express your feelings for her – there are FIVE guys waiting in the wings – lined up to tell her what you will not. And very soon – you will be emotionally shut out.  Don’t let that happen to you.

4.  Bring the fun back into the relationship. I’m proud of my many relationships with my guy friends – we laugh and have fun!   Woman bring a ‘child-like’ quality to the men in her life – and to the man she is married to.  I love to hear ‘you make me laugh’ from my guy friends and especially my husband. He loves that I tease him and love to have fun.  And when he teases back – I know he likes me.  I have enough guy friends in my life including a son and son-in-law – to understand that when they tease – it means you are IN!  And just as women set the tone in the home and for her children – I believe that a woman sets the tone in a love relationship.  Set the tone through humor.  Humor and  laughter can ease the tension of a stressful work day and external stresses in his world.  Make his world a safe and fun place – lighten the load with laughter.  Discover what it is like to have fun again!  Go on dates.  Laugh at each other.  Lighten up!  Enjoy each others company – even when just eating a meal or watching TV.

and finally

5.  Be honest with each other about everything. Trust each other enough to tell each other the truth.  It’s a sad thing when there is no ‘safe place’ to confide – either because when tried – it was quickly dismissed as trivial or not important – or because you stuffed things so deeply you don’t know how to share them.  Try to work through that fear and work on  being completely and totally honest.  A man will respect you for telling the truth – no matter how much it hurts.

God Bless you and your relationships!

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Angie

46 - 1980 - Rolling Stones - The Boxes - Nr.2 ...

Image by Affendaddy via Flickr

This is my favorite song by the ‘Rolling Stones‘.  There are lots of rumors associated with these lyrics – but have all been denied by Mick Jagger.  The actual story seems to be very simple – the title of the song was given by Keith Richards – who had just had a daughter named Angela.  Mick wrote the rest of the lyrics and may have had something to do with a bad breakup that he experienced with his girlfriend in 1969 – at least that much has been speculated.  I find this very easy to believe as some of the greatest love songs are written out of sadness and pain – and this seems to be no exception.  As a musician – I love the chords and melody and deep emotion that this song represents.  Whether or not you are a fan of 70’s music – or the Rolling Stones – I think that you can agree with me on this one point – it is a beautiful ballad.

Enjoy!

Angie, Angie, when will those clouds all disappear?
Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here?
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can’ t say were satisfied
But Angie, Angie, you can’t say we never tried
Angie, you’re beautiful, but ain’t it time we said good-bye?
Angie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried?
All the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke
Let me whisper in your ear:
Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here?
Oh, Angie, don’t you weep, all your kisses still taste sweet
I hate that sadness in your eyes
But Angie, Angie, ain’t it time we said good-bye?
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can’t say were satisfied
But Angie, I still love you, baby
Everywhere I look I see your eyes
There ain’t a woman that comes close to you
Come on baby, dry your eyes
But Angie, Angie, ain’t it good to be alive?
Angie, Angie, they can’t say we never tried

He’s Got Bette Davis Eyes

So (album)

Image via Wikipedia

This morning I woke up and looked over at my sweet sleepy husband.  He looked like an angel – and I was just watching him – wondering when he would wake up – when he suddenly and slowly opened up his eyes.  They were so cute and puffy from lack of sleep after a very late (or early) work night.  As he looked at me trying to focus – I thought they looked very much like pictures I had seen of the sultry and sexy Bette Davis – (just the eyes) – and before I could retract it, I said “You’ve got Bette Davis Eyes

I’m sure he does not appreciate my humor at that time in the morning – but I really did mean it as a complement 🙂  He’s a pretty good sport – most of the time and usually laughs right out loud at my poking fun at him –  and it is easy and comfortable being with him – I love to hear him laugh like that.  And his eyes crinkle with humor and fun – much mischief and ‘little boy’ innocence – it is really nice.

Eyes are the ‘window to the soul‘ and many things can be revealed about a person when you look into them.  Fear, confidence, pain, hurt, frustration, peace, fun, mischief – yes it all revealed in a moment – through the eyes.

I LOVE brown eyes.  they are deep and expressive, mysterious and soft.

I also LOVE green eyes.  Whimsical and sparkling with fun.  Captivating and full of mischief.

But my favorite are Blue eyes.  My husband has blue eyes.  They are sweet and kind.  They hold me with just a glance and touch something deep within me.

My eyes are also blue – and they are my husband’s favorite thing about me.  He can read them very well – and understands what lies beneath the surface after all these years.  They are my ‘window’ to what is inside of me.  Sometimes shining with fun – sometimes brimming with tears and emotion – they are all a part of me – and he loves to drown in them.  I am very lucky.

Below is a song by Peter GabrielIn Your Eyes”  the lyrics perfectly express how I feel – and how my husband feels about me and my eyes.  Enjoy!

God Bless

Being The Right Person

Love for Arts

Image via Wikipedia

When we’re young we think we’re going to find the ‘perfect’ person to fall in love with – and eventually (hopefully) they will love us back – and then want to get married.

This is on a woman’s mind from very early on.

Love is the great ‘romantic’ idea.  She wants someone who will adore and love her – move heaven and earth to be with her – and be her ‘hero’.

Men have something very different on their minds when they start thinking about the opposite sex.  It is not usually about ‘love’ or romantic thoughts – and they can compartmentalize feelings (or lack of them) in lieu of physical attraction and sex.

When love finally hits a man – goes straight to his heart and he cannot get that girl out of his head – then he knows he is in trouble.  For good.  And he tries to be everything he can be – to say and do what he must for ‘win’ her.

She is looking for someone to save her – complete her and love her.

He is looking for someone to love him – respect and adore him.

There’s nothing wrong with this – it’s normal and natural.  But what I’ve learned through life is this:  Finding the right person is not nearly as important as being the right person.

We can enter into a love relationship expecting someone to make up for our lack.  To ‘fill in’ where we are not strong.  To be able to save us from our past.  No one can.  There is no perfect person – at least I’ve never met one yet.  And if you enter in to love or marriage thinking this – you will be very disappointed.

I’ve even heard of women (and men) saying, “when they marry me – I’ll be able to change them”.  You can’t.

Change in behavior can seem to be happening when the relationship is new and exciting – but long-lasting change is impossible.  No one changes anyone else – permanently.

Oh we see it on TV and in the movies – some of the best literature has it in there too – the ‘wild – untamed’ man – who falls helplessly in love with a woman and is willing to change for her.  And while I put great faith in love and the power of it – ultimately you are setting yourself up for a fall if that’s what you believe.

Develop a friendship with your partner.  Friendship is an easy give and take.  Ask  yourself, “would I still be their friend if I wasn’t involved with them – didn’t love them – wasn’t married to them? – Do they make me laugh?  Do I want to know them deeper and spend more time with them? – Am I the kind of person that they would want as a friend?”

Be the right person.  Fix things that are going on inside of yourself – insecurities, bad habits and negative patterns.  Expecting someone else to swoop in and ‘fix’ your troubled mind and heart is not realistic.  And you cannot ‘fix’ theirs either.  The longer that you are married – the more you realize this truth – and accept it.

There are people in whom we have chemistry with and are very compatible. There’s no denying this fact.  Those that have a better chance of making it in love and marriage are those from a similar background with many things in common.  But this does not guarantee – it just makes it easier.  Choose someone who is easy to be with – and that you can picture yourself growing old with. Someone who doesn’t require so much work.

Say to yourself, “Can I be happy with this person for many years to come?  Can I accept them – flaws and all?  Without them changing?  Is there anything I cannot live with?”

These are important questions.  They are simple – yet revealing.  If we take the emphasis off of them – and any expectations we may feel – then we can concentrate on the really important thing: ourselves.

Imagine what a great world this would be – and what healthy growing marriages there would be if everyone accepted this fact – and stepped up – saying, “I’m going to take personal responsibility for me”.  And leave it there.

I challenge you today:  God is the only one who can change hearts.  He is in the business of deep healing – from the inside out.  Allow Him to do His job with you and others.  Don’t depend on others (even your spouse) to complete you and fill you up.  That’s God’s job.  And His alone.  He will not fail or disappoint you.  He is the one who will help you to be all you can be in a relationship – and to be the right person. You can count on it.

I am praying for you

God Bless

29 Reasons

This morning with my morning coffee I received a note from Greg – my husband, partner, lover and friend for 29 years today.  The note was just entitled:

29 Reasons Why I Love You

I would love to share these with you – but it is simply inappropriate to do so – they are for me alone – all the things he loves about me that are unique and personal for me to hear.  I did not need much from him – my needs are pretty simple – I don’t demand flowers, candy, gifts or any other monetary things that are unique to anniversary celebrations – and although he has lavished these things on me in the past – he knows they are not important to me.  I would rather have this note – with 29 reasons. ♥

I want to encourage you today – the ‘little things’ are sometimes the most effective.  Everyone can write a love note – everyone can do a simple act of kindness – everyone can think of something unique and special without spending any money at all.  Speak a love language of the heart – and maybe come up with your own 29 reasons – today.

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband, Greg ♥

God Bless

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