When Others Wrong You

“Living well is the best revenge.” 

George Herbert English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 – 1633) 

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

 

I heard this quote a while back.  I can’t remember where.  But it struck a chord with me.  All of us at one time or another have had an uncomfortable situation with another person.  A situation that leaves you feeling – well – confused, upset and sad.  Some of those same situations do much more than that – they make us ANGRY and wanting to retaliate.  Sadly, I have not always kept these feelings to myself and I have been angry and said things I should not have said.  But honestly, for me – silence or a soft answer is the best method.  It seriously will drive that person crazy!   Killing them with kindness and all that jazz 🙂

For me – I have not always been able to control what others say, think or even how they react.  If we look out through the  lens of our own uncertainty and insecurity – we at least know our own personal limitations and can anticipate an outcome.  But when it comes to guessing how others are thinking – we can expect  to get it wrong most of the time.

There was a time not long ago that a situation with another person caused me to look at things very differently.  I can no longer assume people always have my best interest in mind – or always have my back.  I’ve learned not to take things lightly.  I’ve learned not to presume that everyone who seems kind, sensitive and helpful – really is.  Sometimes things have happened and I’ve found out the very character of the person I thought was incredibly different. 

A while back it troubled me.  Really troubled me.  Now I just look at the incredible opportunity for growth and character in me.  I know that not everyone is going to react to stress and trouble in the same way that I do.  I can’t control the way people think, the way they were raised and the role models, both positive and sadly, negative that they have had.  And I’ve learned that while my heart wants to help and even rescue and change someone to be healthier and more positive – I just can’t do it.  Only God can fix the very broken and heal the heart.

When someone hurts you – it is often because they themselves are hurting.  If they are not healthy and whole, they will often lash out, retreat at the first sign of trouble or make themselves the victim.   Even those you thought you knew really well.  Even those who thought would protect and never hurt you.

It is sad but true.

One thing you can do  is come to a place of real deep forgiveness.  Even if the other person never forgives back.  Even if the other person cuts you out of their life and acts as if you are the problem.  When we forgive – it is for us.  It is a healthy place to live.  Forgiveness says, “You do not owe me anything – I freely forgive the pain and other things creating a wall between us.  I choose not to remember what you have done to me any more.  I value you above all the circumstances and pain.”  Forgiveness always gives a second chance.  Forgiveness always finds a way.  Forgiveness always reconciles.

The other thing to do is this:  Live well.  Do not allow the grievances of the past to control you.  Continue to grow as a person, to value others and not be afraid to love again.  Love is always a risk.  But a risk worth taking.  In living well – you are an example to the world of God’s love and forgiveness.  You will feel better and live longer.  That is a promise.

Try on a little forgiveness today.  Take on a ‘short-memory’ when others wrong you.  Start each day as a new day of opportunity and a find a way to bless others.  It is truly the best revenge.

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another: merciful, forgiving one another, even as God hath forgiven you in Christ. 

God Bless

Related articles

• (10/02/2013) Forgiveness (alexanderhicks.com)
• The Other Side of Forgiveness (makingroomforgod.wordpress.com)
• – Forgiveness – (hiseternalword.wordpress.com)
• Forgiveness (singlechristianinamarriedworld.wordpress.com)
• Letting Go – It’s time to Forgive (h3artfeltwordz.wordpress.com)
• The Bondage of Unforgiveness (mcsellersthoughtofthedaydotcom.wordpress.com)
• Forgiveness (robertwalkeronline.com)
• Is Forgiveness The Only Option? (scott-williams.ca)
• 10 Steps Toward True Forgiveness (ollinmorales.wordpress.com)
• Forgiveness (amazinglybrash.com)

Ticket To Ride

This song needs no explanation – a wonderful cover of the original Beatles tune – written by Lennon and McCartney – I love this version done by the Carpenter’s the best.  And for reasons of nostalgia – it seems the proper choice today.  I grew up with Carpenters music – and have always loved this arrangement.

If you are a fan – you will also love the rare photos of the Carpenter’s seen toward the end of this video.

My wonderful son launches into the world tomorrow morning – with a ticket in his hand – off to follow his dream.

 

Enjoy and God Bless!

This picture – was taken this year on Mother’s Day.

I think I’m gonna be sad
I think it’s today
Yeah
The boy that’s driving me mad
is going away.

He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
and he don’t care.

He said that living with me
was bringing him down
Yeah
He would never be free
when I was around.

He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
and he don’t care.

Don’t know why he’s riding so high
He oughta do right

He oughta do right by me
Before he gets to saying goodbye
He oughta do right
He oughta do right by me

I think I’m gonna be sad
I think it’s today
Yeah
The boy that’s driving me mad
is going away.

He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
He’s got a ticket to ride
and he don’t care
he don’t care.

Think I’m gonna be sad

Think I’m gonna be sad

Think I’m gonna be sad

Think I’m gonna be sad

Tears? Who Needs Them?

Image via Wikipedia

The other night I had a complete and total emotional melt-down.  I’m not proud of it – I’m just admitting it.  I’m real.  I have those kinds of days too.  I don’t always handle everything the right way with grace and dignity.  Unfortunately this was not a melt down due to a bad day – it was…just because.

I don’t know why it feels uncomfortable to admit that I cry and have melt-downs once in a while.  Or that I ever have a bad day.  I’m not sure why I have it in my memory bank that it’s right to always paint on a smile – hold it in – ALWAYS think positively and for GOODNESS SAKES don’t admit I’m having a struggle.  In a perfect world where people respond correctly and friends don’t act weird or people make me feel stupid and there is never a problem, then I guess I could suck it up.  But it’s not very accurate – at least in my life and in the end – by pretending that everything is just ‘peachy’ – it only makes other people feel like complete losers when they themselves are walking through a hard season – or even just a bad day.  What if they push me away because I am ‘so perfect’ at least from all appearances – and I don’t have ANY problems?

But the truth is – that I DO have problems and struggles.  And I am a crier. A really emotional crier.  I can’t seem to watch anything sad or sentimental without crying – or at least tearing up a little.

Tears are funny.  They happen when I least expect them.  Sometimes it’s a memory  triggered by normal things like music – or something I read – or something someone says.  And sometimes there is no reason for them at all and I am helpless to stop them.  Oh I’m not talking about the ‘tearing up’ because of happiness or hurt – I’m talking about REALLY CRYING.

Crying DOES release something inside.  Frustration, sadness, helplessness, resignation, fear, rejection, bitterness, anger and many other emotions.  It’s nature’s way of getting it out.  I’ve been told that they are even therapeutic. But for me – there is a high price for tears.  I don’t mean just tears.  But the tears that have a little extra.  You know what I mean – the throat constricts and the sobs come up from a deep place and pretty soon my makeup is all over my face in all the wrong places – my nose is dripping and I can’t breathe.  It’s a joyous experience. Welcome to my puffy world.

However – I’m thinking there just HAS to be another way to release frustration and emotion.  One that doesn’t leave a headache and puffy eyes.  One that doesn’t rob me of sleep and make me feel all icky.  This last ‘break-down’ cost me a whole day – and who has time for that with a busy schedule?  NOT ME.

Greg tells me that I just need to hit something.  Really hard.  In fact he rarely cries – most men are like this – they would rather hit things or do something physical to ‘get it out’.  And they don’t get headaches.  I’m starting to think that maybe they have the right idea.  No kidding.  Greg told me just today that he’s going to give me a big bat and then I’m supposed to count to ten and then start swinging.  The counting to ten is so that he can get out-of-the-way.  I can see this – Greg with eyes WIDE open while running for his life!  He is quite safe – no worries.  But he knows that I would feel better if I could just hit something – or someone really hard on the head 🙂

Tears.  Stupid tears.  Who needs them?

I guess I do.

🙂

Related Articles

• Not All Tears Are Created Equal (psychologytoday.com)
• Are all cries good for you? (psychologytoday.com)
• When Getting Older Makes You A Crybaby [Choked Up] (jezebel.com)

What You Never Know

While listening to music today returning emails – this song came on.  I stopped what I was doing – and really listened to what it was saying – although I had heard the song before – sung by another artist.  But today the words jumped out at me:

“What you never know – won’t hurt you – what you never know won’t lie  – what you never know won’t desert you – what you never know won’t say goodbye”

It’s true for all of us – the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ is indeed true.  There is a risk to loving – and a risk to sharing yourself with others.  If we never do – then we never get hurt or feel pain – and we’ll be protected – but all good things come with a ‘risk’ attached to them and the most important – like love have no guarantees.   If you are like me though – you have discovered that it is worth taking that risk and even getting hurt along the way – to experience the depth and magic of love.  And I pray that if you have not yet risked your  heart – that you would take a chance on it – it’s worth getting hurt and being willing to be hurt in order to find something real waiting for you.

Below is a GORGEOUS song by the infamous Sarah Brightman – and a video of  “Lord of the Rings” – what could be a better combination?

Enjoy and God Bless

Leesha

One of my favorite older Michael W. Smith songs – written about a young girl lost in a car accident.  It is reported that she was the younger of two sisters in the car – and the older one survived.  The older sister had a terrible time over the loss until she had a vision where she saw her sister in heaven telling her,”I’m okay”.  It’s a very moving and powerful song – especially if you’ve ever lost anyone close to you.  Enjoy!

Seems like it was only yesterday
She was living here
Yea, she was living here
Lord knows why He’s taken her away
It isn’t very clear, no it isn’t very clear
Into every life a little rain must fall
And losing one you love is like a storm
But storms are passing
Chorus:
I hear Leesha
Singing in heaven tonight
And in between the sadness
I hear Leesha
Telling me that she’s alright
Life goes on even after life
That’s what I believe
Yea, that’s what I believe
Leesha’s gone, but she will still survive
In a memory that I’m keeping here with me
Silencing the voice of mortal tragedy
Listening to whispers of the soul
All is peaceful

I Need You

Sometimes you hear a song and it so perfectly describes what you
are thinking.
This is the song.
This is dedicated to all of my dear friends that are going through
a rough patch right now.  As you listen to it today - I pray that
you will be blessed and know how much you are loved.

God Bless


My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, oh I need You
Blessed savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill the every longing of my soul

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in

I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh, how I love you more than life

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by
Its not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength

Oh how I love You Lord
I love your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace

And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay
I need You, oh I need You

When You Struggle

My husband Greg does funeral services and wedding ceremonies for a living – it is his own small business – out of our home.  He loves doing the memorials much better than the weddings – because he is highly relational – and feels a connection with each one of the people that he meets with and walks through the grieving process with.  It is a unique gift – not everyone can do it.  I know it would be difficult for me – I would get TOO involved in the emotion of it and would not be able to separate – and would be no help whatever.  I’ve been at some of his services and I’m bawling like a baby from the grief that I feel for the family – and he is so composed and handles the stress and emotion of the moment so well.

He has noticed something special about the person who grieves – and can identify with the scripture, “blessed are they who mourn”  because he has seen the powerful effect in a person’s life – and seen the hand of God touch those that grieve.  There is a special unique quality in those who struggle.

We sometimes think that we are weak when we do – so we try to deny it – or push it down, pretending that we do not hurt or question or have any problems.  But the truth is that God’s grace and mercy is poured out in a unique and special way to those of us that do.

I have seen those that have lost a loved one – my friend lost a young husband to cancer – I’ve witnessed those that have lost a child, a sibling – or a parent.  It is the same grief.  It is the same sadness.  There are no words.  It is a very private struggle.  It is a private pain.  But there is also something very special about those “who mourn”.  For the promise for those that do – there is a time when there will be no more sadness – no more tears – no more separation – no more grief or regret.  And God’s comfort can be very close and real to those that ache from pain here on earth – in a very real and personal way.

Pain is something that can make us strong – not weak if we allow Him to gently heal us over time – and though we do not forget – we are covered in peace and washed in love.  In a daily – continual way.  Events in our lives can draw us nearer to God – and He is right there as a constant companion in the good times of life – and in the dark times too.

And as my friend told me just today – it is important to know that when we struggle – God is looking down on us and saying, “You’re my favorite”  and that is something that we can be assured of – that He not only understands – but He is working behind the scenes of our lives – going before us on our journey to bring people and events in our lives that are further confirmation that we are special to Him – and that He’s always thinking about us – whispering to us, “you are my favorite”.

I am praying for each and every one of you today – that as you struggle – you will remember these words of comfort and know that He is with you – you are not alone – you are special and His “favorite” today.

God Bless

Memorials and Other Things That Are Difficult

Today I go to a memorial service for an old friend – someone we go way back with – since our first days attending New Life Church in Renton – some 15 years ago.  My husband Greg has done many of these over the years.  I don’t know how he gets through some of them – I wouldn’t do so well keeping my composure – especially the services for children and the unsaved.

There are many things in our lives that are hard for us to do.  That is just one of them.  We all are born – and we all die.  It is a hard cold reality.

Other things are hard for each one of us on a personal level.  Each of us has to face difficult things – and instead of running away – we MUST face them – eventually.  I wrestle with this fact.  I don’t like it.  And yet – today – even I must face another difficult thing.  Or perhaps it would be trivial for you – but for me – it’s difficult and will take every ounce of my will – not to back out – but just face it.

The time has come.  The choice is mine.  I choose the higher road.  And so my journey continues…

God Bless

Remember When It Rained

This seemed fitting today somehow.  Enjoy!

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down

My Shadowland

The other night I had the privilege to see the play “Shadowlands” the “love story” of C.S. Lewis and the woman he fell in love with and married.  She was in her early 40’s and he in his late 50’s.  Unlike any of his fictional stories – this was the true account of his journey through love and loss – joy and pain – struggle with questions and faith in God – changing many of his opinions on many things he had held as “truth” – and even visiting the “dark side” in his despair.

Love and loss can do this.  Each one of us has a story.  Each one of us has questioned things about life and even about God – at one time or another – if we’re really honest.  You see – there’s nothing like pain to make you really honest.  It probes around inside of you and won’t let go of you.  Your “real” self comes out – the good, the bad and mostly the ugly when you are in pain.

I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

My “shadowland” is a journey through that pain, loss and ultimately – victory over something.  Most everyone has something that is their “test” and the hardest thing they will ever have to endure.  Many times – it is private and not many people know about it – but it is still there – and it still casts a “shadow” over your life.  But I, like C.S. Lewis have discovered the nearness of God though that struggle – and a wisdom and strength that cannot be earned any other way.  It is in the “dark” times that we are so much more dependent of God – and we fully appreciate it when we come out into the light.  It is sometime much later that we begin to see the reasons why.  Sometimes we never know the reasons.

What is your “Shadowland” today?  What are you going through today that maybe very few people know about?  Maybe no one knows except God.  Maybe you are even questioning your very purpose in life – and your relationship with Him.  I am praying for you today that like me, you will begin to see the purpose in your loss – and will be able to see God’s hand over your life and struggle as you surrender to that loss.  I pray that you will be able to hear God’s voice to you in your conscience and His shouts to you in your pain.

I am praying for you

God Bless