Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘Sadness’

Memorials and Other Things That Are Difficult

Today I go to a memorial service for an old friend – someone we go way back with – since our first days attending New Life Church in Renton – some 15 years ago.  My husband Greg has done many of these over the years.  I don’t know how he gets through some of them – I wouldn’t do so well keeping my composure – especially the services for children and the unsaved.

There are many things in our lives that are hard for us to do.  That is just one of them.  We all are born – and we all die.  It is a hard cold reality.

Other things are hard for each one of us on a personal level.  Each of us has to face difficult things – and instead of running away – we MUST face them – eventually.  I wrestle with this fact.  I don’t like it.  And yet – today – even I must face another difficult thing.  Or perhaps it would be trivial for you – but for me – it’s difficult and will take every ounce of my will – not to back out – but just face it.

The time has come.  The choice is mine.  I choose the higher road.  And so my journey continues…

God Bless

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Remember When It Rained

This seemed fitting today somehow.  Enjoy!

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down

My Shadowland

The other night I had the privilege to see the play “Shadowlands” the “love story” of C.S. Lewis and the woman he fell in love with and married.  She was in her early 40’s and he in his late 50’s.  Unlike any of his fictional stories – this was the true account of his journey through love and loss – joy and pain – struggle with questions and faith in God – changing many of his opinions on many things he had held as “truth” – and even visiting the “dark side” in his despair.

Love and loss can do this.  Each one of us has a story.  Each one of us has questioned things about life and even about God – at one time or another – if we’re really honest.  You see – there’s nothing like pain to make you really honest.  It probes around inside of you and won’t let go of you.  Your “real” self comes out – the good, the bad and mostly the ugly when you are in pain.

I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

    “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

      My “shadowland” is a journey through that pain, loss and ultimately – victory over something.  Most everyone has something that is their “test” and the hardest thing they will ever have to endure.  Many times – it is private and not many people know about it – but it is still there – and it still casts a “shadow” over your life.  But I, like C.S. Lewis have discovered the nearness of God though that struggle – and a wisdom and strength that cannot be earned any other way.  It is in the “dark” times that we are so much more dependent of God – and we fully appreciate it when we come out into the light.  It is sometime much later that we begin to see the reasons why.  Sometimes we never know the reasons.
        What is your “Shadowland” today?  What are you going through today that maybe very few people know about?  Maybe no one knows except God.  Maybe you are even questioning your very purpose in life – and your relationship with Him.  I am praying for you today that like me, you will begin to see the purpose in your loss – and will be able to see God’s hand over your life and struggle as you surrender to that loss.  I pray that you will be able to hear God’s voice to you in your conscience and His shouts to you in your pain.
          I am praying for you
            God Bless

          Indiana

          I’m glad i never lived next to the water

          So I could never get used to the beach

          And I’m glad I never grew up on a mountain
          To figure out how high the world could reach
          I love the miles between me and the city
          Where I quietly imagine every street
          And I’m glad I’m only picturing the moment
          I’m glad she never fell in love with me

          For some the world’s a treasure to discover
          And your scenery should never stay the same
          And they’re trading in their dreams for Explanations
          All in an attempt to entertain
          But I love the miles between me and the city
          Where I quietly imagine every street
          And I’m glad I’m only picturing the moment

          I’m glad she never fell in love with me

          The trick of love is to never let it find you
          It’s easy to get over missing out
          I know the how’s and whens, but now and then,
          She’s all I think about

          I wonder how it feels to be famous
          But wonder is as far as I will go
          Because I’d probably lose myself in all the Pictures
          And end up being someone I don’t know.
          So it’s probably best I stay in Indiana
          Just dreaming of the world as it should be
          Where every day is a battle to convince myself
          I’m glad she never fell in love with me

          Awwww – for all your romantics out there – such a beautiful, melancholy and sweet love song from a very talented Jon McLaughlin ♥

          Have an awesome day!

          Sand and Water

          All alone I didn’t like the feeling
          All alone I sat and cried
          All alone I had to find some meaning
          In the center of the pain I felt inside

          All alone I came into this world
          All alone I will someday die
          Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
          Sand and water, and a million years gone by

          I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
          I will hear you in the sound of the waves
          I will know you when I come, as we all will come
          Through the doors beyond the grave

          All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
          All alone I raise this child
          Flesh and bone, he’s just
          Bursting towards tomorrow
          And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile

          I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
          I will hear you in the sound of the waves
          I will know you when I come, as we all will come
          Through the doors beyond the grave

          All alone I came into this world
          All alone I will someday die
          Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
          Sand and water and a million years gone by

          This song was written by Beth Chapman after she lost her husband to cancer – and had to raise a small son on her own. I thought it was a fitting song to end this day with.  So many around me have felt this pain just recently.  My best friend Laura also lost her husband 2 years ago to cancer.

          This song is for all of you who have felt the pain of a loss.

          Love and Hugs to you ♥

          The Circle

          A baby is born

          A dear “saint” of the faith dies

          A tree loses it’s leaves at full color

          A small bud sprouts up in the spring

          It’s the circle

          We are born

          We live

          Then we die

          All of nature has a rhythm

          A perfect timing

          A reason

          A purpose

          Sometimes we can’t see

          God working through our seasons

          Causing new life from death

          Real living from just existing

          And like that baby

          We learn again

          We slowly take steps

          We are cautious

          But we step out

          We love

          We live

          We embrace life

          We take a chance

          We risk again

          We find our “full bloom”

          Our purpose

          Our rhythm

          Our reason

          And we really live

          We embrace

          and we see

          God’s fingerprint of purpose in our life

          And then the time comes

          For our light to go out

          And a new life to come in

          We die

          And they are born

          It’s the circle

          Dedicated to my friends, Nikki and Ron

          God Bless you in your loss.

          Words

          Yesterday I had some good news on a personal level.  Someone I had been estranged from  – had come full circle to send me a message – it was something I had been praying about for over a year.

          It got me thinking about our “words” and “words” from others.

          Words can be healing to us – or bring pain.  How powerful are “words”!

          The Bible talks about the tongue being “sharper than a two edged sword” – and I have felt the cuts over the years – from people that are casual people in my life  – and worse yet – those that I love and that I thought loved me back.  Words that sent me into a tailspin and left me bleeding and wounded.

          I have also experienced the “lack” of words – that I so desperately needed to hear.  The silence that just SCREAMS.  Been there and done that – and that can hurt and cut just as deep.  Nothing worse than being separated from a good friend and having no way to reconcile the situation.  You feel helpless.

          In one situation just recently I found that there was only one person who could say the “healing” words I needed to here.  Many others tried – gave feeble explanations for things gone wrong and even said to just “forget about it”.  It will get better with time.  But it did not.  No closure – no explanation – no reconciliation – no words of healing.  I knew everyone meant well – but no one knows my heart – other than God.  In the end – it was that one person that could offer the gift of stepping toward forgiveness and understanding – and that was what I needed.  A healing balm over a sad and troubled heart.

          Our words are powerful.  They can bring healing – or death to a person.  We can withhold them and it can be a slow torturous ride – sending a person to sadness and depression – wondering why there can be nothing to break the silence.  We need to use our words to bring life and healing to those we are in fellowship with – those in our world and those who brush up against it.  We need to let everything that flows out of our mouths  – be sweet and loving – knowing that we can produce life or death to a person hearing them.

          I have had my break through – it was much prayed for – and I never gave up.  You see – I believe with all my heart that God wants forgiveness and reconciliation for all of us.  He lovingly softens even the hardest heart that has been hurt so badly – He reaches in and begins to speak peace and healing to that hard heart.  He is in the restoring business.  He is ALL love.

          Don’t give up.  Use your words today to bring peace into a situation of chaos and hopelessness.  Even if it looks like you might not get your answer – and that maybe God has abandoned you – I want to encourage you.  He has not forgotten about you and your hurting heart.  He has a plan for your life – he is working round the clock to bring about a miracle for your life.  Keep believing.  If you are waiting for those “words” you need to hear to bring your healing today – they may be just around the corner.  And you may have a sweet surprise of your own to write about.

          God Bless

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