Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘sleep’

Marriage Makes For Strange Bedfellows

Bed made with white bed linen. Four fluffy pil...

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Greg and I have been married 29 years.  And I still find it a bit unsettling to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and come back to find him there – in my bed. You’d think I’d be used to the idea by now – but it is still a very foreign idea to actually be in the same bed all night with someone.  Marriage does indeed take many adjustments – and it’s all well and good when you’re in a vertical situation – but it is quite another thing altogether when you are horizontal.  And I’m not meaning that in any other way – than just plain sleeping.

I don’t think it’s normal and natural for people to sleep together – I’m more convinced of that than ever.  After all – ‘Royal’ couples never sleep in the same bed chamber (at least when they are  sleeping). And I think they may have the right idea.  They need their “beauty sleep” – and frankly – so do I!

Who started this strange assumption that just because you are married – you have to sleep in the same bed all night?  What kind of warped and twisted mind must you have to evoke that evil plan?  To thrust as it were, two innocent people together all night long and expect that there will be peaceful and effective sleep?  Two people with completely different sleeping habits and sounds?  I think those people need to be hung up by their toenails and whipped soundly until the idea leaves them entirely.

This morning Greg woke up – peered over at me in my sleepy state and grunted, “I HATE this blasted pillow!”  What pillow, you may ask?  It is the pillow that I purchased for him – the contour variety which is very good for the neck and back.  He hates it.  And we have the same discussion every night about it.  He has spent years trying to find just the right pillow – and so I finally intervened and bought the same pillow for him that I use.  When he uses it and elevates his head slightly in our adjustable bed – he doesn’t snore.  It’s wonderful.  It’s bliss.  It’s a kind of freedom that everyone should feel when forced to sleep with someone else of the opposite sex.  But he does not see it that way.  I catch him many times in the middle of the night having an argument with the pillow and I’ve even witnessed him tossing the pillow over the side of the bed – thinking I will not notice.  I always do.

He had me laughing so hard this morning because he was telling me of his nightly “woes” with the pillow.  He even reminded me that I have tried to teach him the ‘proper’ way to lay his head on it – (but he refuses to learn) therefore reducing any stress he might feel.  It is hilarious how stubborn he is about this pillow – and the way he chooses to put his head on it (or doesn’t as the case may be) – and I’ve had many a good laugh over this!  I mean – how hard can it be to put your neck into the contour – the pillow does all the work for you – if you don’t fight it!

Sometimes in the middle of the night it is so hilarious to look over – and then have the reality set in, “I am really married to this man – he looks really dumb”  (I’m sure everyone has thought this at one time or another)  Only at night, though – when he’s fully awake – and upright – he’s very handsome – it must be just in the dark or something – or maybe it’s the pillow.  I don’t know – I’m all confused now.

I like to sleep on my back – and sometimes my side so the pillow is excellent for me.  I’m also very quiet – except when I can’t breathe due to allergies – but that doesn’t happen too often, luckily.  Greg is pretty noisy – breathes loud – sighs loud – snores loud.  Greg like to “spin” and even (*gasp*) sleep on his stomach!  Horrors.  So the ‘pillow’ has cured him and even stopped his snoring – of which I’m delighted.  When he used to snore very badly (before the pillow) we even tried having him in a separate room at night for a few months – but Greg didn’t like it very well.  He was lonely and -Shhh – I think he’s afraid of the dark. So as long as he’s using the pillow and slightly elevated – all is well ☺ And we are back sleeping in the same bed at night.  What a blasted, unthinkable and horrible idea.  But it seems to work ♥  And we sure can see the humor in it and make each other laugh – so it’s worth it.
Except – he HATES the pillow.  Other than that – we are good.

Yes – Marriage makes for very strange bedfellows.

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The Nothing Box…

So after posting that video a couple of days ago on Men’s vs. Women’s brains – I’ve been doing some thinking.  Not that we Women EVER STOP thinking.  No.  What I mean is that I was thinking about the video 🙂

Men have a “nothing” box.  Where they go to unwind after stress – or to just do ‘nothing’.  Women don’t have a ‘nothing’ box.  Everything is our world is connected to each other.  And I can’t find ONE SINGLE corner of my mind that doesn’t have SOMETHING in it!!  I think it’s UNFAIR and I’m just going to say it!

Last night I was trying to sleep.  I had taken a lot of medication yesterday due to a wicked headache and had dozed off and on during the day – sitting up in bed with an ice pack on my forehead.  Not a fun day.  But when it was time to sleep last night – I just couldn’t get my mind to SHUT OFF!!!  It was really ridiculous.  I looked over at my sweet sleepy husband – dreaming peacefully – I think he was even SMILING.  How dare he?  I’m tossing and turning and not comfortable and my mind is just twirling around and around and around…

So…I got to thinking – why can Men have a “nothing” box – and we can’t?? That’s very sexist – don’t you think?  They GO there.  They unwind.  They do NOTHING!!!  And we are  constantly thinking – our minds are swirling around – creating different scenarios – writing a whole book in our brains – thinking about what happened that day – the past week – the past year – oh yes – our WHOLE LIVES!!!  People we’ve loved and lost – friends that have come and gone – what we should have done differently – things we could do today – things we didn’t say – things we should say – and what about that event that happened last year – or 5 years ago – or in high school for that matter….and on and on and on and on it goes.  Not to mention the things we have to do tomorrow and the next week – and what about that piano and voice schedule – and theater class – OH MY – the music for class – how will they ever learn it – and the upcoming recital – are my boys going to be able to finish up and graduate?????  What if they can’t – I will have to start all over again – pick a new date – not that I picked the first one out yet – but that will mean I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!   (It’s exhausting being a Woman)

So I said to Greg – he was awake by this time with my tossing and turning – “Why do guys just get to have a ‘nothing box’?  I would do ANYTHING to have one of those – especially when it’s time to go TO SLEEP!!!  But he just laughed and patted me – as if to say, “You poor thing – don’t you know that only guys can think about absolutely nothing and be very happy to do it”?  I guess he’s right.

I did try to lie very still – and imagine NOTHING.  It lasted for about 2 seconds and I found myself again thinking about SOMETHING.  I’m really no good at the ‘nothing’ box.  In fact – I’m no good at any box at all.  I’m a woman.

I do sometimes get jealous of my male counterpart – and how he can just “unwind” – and not really let things bother him much.  He handles stress and anything else thrown at him with a cool, calm and rational mind.  And I have noticed all my male friends are pretty much the same way.  A voice of reason in a ‘world gone mad’ – or so it seems to me sometimes.

I am however glad that I am able to experience things based on emotion – something men never usually do.  Once a memory has emotion tied with it – as was stated in the video – it is forever etched in the brain – NEVER to be forgotten.  This can be both positive and negative.  I am still in process learning which ones are good – and which ones are bad.  And because I am a woman – it is sometimes hard to distinguish the good from the bad when it comes to emotion and feelings connected with a memory.  But I’m learning – but I doubt I will ever really master it.

No – I’m thinking I would like a corner of my mind that I go to to just SHUT DOWN – a button I could push that would turn everything off for me – allow me to sleep – and a place where even my busy dreams wouldn’t follow me – but they do follow me – even long after I’ve surrendered to sleep.  But I’m learning to meditate on restful things – even read a passage from the Psalms is very helpful right before going to sleep.

I am trusting all of you can do the same.

God Bless

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